The Day Tomorrows End - Comments

@ Bitter Optimist

Haha. I'm glad you liked it. I think it started as a good idea and I just wasn't able to keep the train on the tracks, so to speak. Thanks as always for the kind words!

Yay I new poem! And I actually really like this - the theme is like you've articulated the topic of all the existential crisis' we're constantly suffering. Beautiful opening stanza.

@ This.Useless.Heart.
Hey, thanks for the comment! Yeah, I was a bit disappointed with how this turned out, I really enjoyed the concept but had trouble putting words to it as well as I wanted to. I don't usually go back and revise too many of my poems but I'm hoping I can improve on this one some eventually. We'll see. Thanks again for the feedback!

I like the theme of this poem, and I think you've done an excellent job of setting a tone and sticking to it.
There are some nice lines in this (in particular, I liked the first four lines and the second verse [lines 9-12])
I feel like in some places the lines are a little more forced and weaker in terms of writing and flow because you were trying to stick to a certain rhyme scheme, but overall it only detracts from the poem slightly.
Keep up the good work!