August 29th, 2016 at 01:58am
Content
What I like about this poem is the way that the first two stanzas seem to spell out despair and heartbreak, but then the final stanza pulls it all up and brings in that element of strength that the contest prompt asked for. I think there's nothing stronger than a woman that can walk away a toxic relationship, especially in a situation where the act is as selfless as leaving to protect someone other than their own well-being. In this situation, with the children being at stake, the narrator makes a decision that impacts them all. It takes a great amount of courage to do that, because if it were to be the wrong choice, it would affect them all adversely.
What I also like about this is that the narration shows a second kind of strength -- the strength to admit that previous actions were not the right decision. Keeping quiet when she shouldn't have is mentioned, but then she acknowledges that and says that it was the wrong thing to do. Again, it takes tremendous courage to admit to personal mistakes. I don't know if that was intentional, but it came across very well in the first stanza when I read it.
Concrit
There was only one line that I was iffy about:
no one was suffering by any kind of pain -- personally I'd suggest using 'from' instead of 'by', as the wording is a little off and it throws the balance of the stanza off.
Overall
This is a really lovely poem. As a free-verse, I can comment very little on the natural flow as it seems to be standard, but the way that you wrote it brought across the element of strength in the narrator's voice to a high standard, and I was rooting for her by the end. Nice job!
Writing something in relation to domestic abuse is not easy and most of the time, I see the writers' portrayal on the victims to be inaccurate and quite frankly, very two dimensional. However, with this piece, you've managed to convey the narrator's feelings and thoughts really well. I like how in the beginning, she seemed to almost give up on stopping whatever it was that he was doing to her and her children. Like she was too tired to fight anymore. And then, she found the strength in her; the strength to change their situation so her kids can have a better life. The transition between that first despair, oppressive surrounding to her strong will to get out of that situation, to save her kids was smooth and the last stanza, with a more hopeful tone. It's all very well executed.
My only criticism is not on the piece itself but I'm a bit iffy of the layout. But that's mostly my personal preference because reading a white text over a patterned black and red background kind of hurts my eyes.
Aside from that, I think you did a good job with this piece. Good luck!