i like the way this make u think......like u have to follow it closely to understand what its about but when u do the message is clear xD The rhyming is also good although it stops in the middle :/
I like the sort of uncomfortable feeling this gives... the emotion is so real that it takes you from your comfort zone and I belive that's what really good writers do - not just fulfill the emotions of love or hate or pain, etc. but go beyond the scope and seek out the things that make you actually feel it.
Very impressive.