Imaginary Dancers - Comments

Your story is amazing :))) can't wait for an update.
...
I rhymed!!! TeeHee

A deep organ burst into the room and the remaining girls seemed to rise from the dead;
I read it wrong. I read 'orgasm' instead of 'organ', go figures.

I absolutely love this story.

You make me feel so loved Masterpiece :arms:

I'm officially a fan of yours :hand: fo sho'. :tehe:

Frankadizzle; FTW:

I like it so far it has great imagary a suggestion you should have more detail between the dialouge!

Failure :grr:

I like it so far it has great imagary a suggestion you should have more detail between the dialouge!

Burn Bright.:

Story/Review Game.

Just wanna start by saying that the title of this story really captures one's attention. It seems quite, you know, luring sort of. xD It's like you're curious to click it and find out more.

So. In the first paragraph, you used really short and sharp sentences. Sometimes that's a good way of writing, it grabs hold of the reader as if to shake them and say, ''look at me! I'm speaking to you now.'' Because short, sharp sentences really capture people's attention. But here I felt you could have used a more descriptive tone, and maybe describe the scenery or how she felt in a way to introduce the reader to the story, you know?

Moving on! (: I really liked the way you made the girl's imaginary friend want her hopes and her dreams. When she asks him what he wants to be, he says he wants to dance, just like she does. Or it could be the 'other side' of her that loves to dance. That was clever.

"He is not real"

And then he disappeared. He was gone. She reached for him, but grasped nothing but air. Wet. Her face was wet. Was it her tears? Was it...

^^ I thought the change in scenery was pretty abrupt though when it moves to that scene with the shrink telling her that he's not real. Maybe you could ease it in by things blurring or something? I don't know. (:

The golden glow of the sun's rays streaked into the dorm room through the white curtains

^^ That's the kind of descriptive writing I'm talking about! It sets the mood and it's quite a pretty image there, imagining a ray of sunshine breaking through white curtains. Really… summery. :cute: nice.

Turning my head, I saw my adorkable calico cat Jangie. And I knew immediately he was the culprit..

I like the incorporation of the cat, Jangie. That was cute ^_^ And it gives the story fluff. Fluff is always nice.

I like this girl, Rosie. She seems genuine. Although she's had kind of 'mental' problems in the past, what with her imaginary friend and all, I find her really sweet. Things like ''I'll be honest, I'm lazy.'' and '' found myself falling on my ass, trying desperately to pull the leotard all the way up.'' make her seem more real and relatable. A smart tactic in writing. ^^

I see she's made a friend already! Jasmine. I quite like her too, she talks too much. :tehe: I actually know someone who's like that in real life so again, that's realistic and relatable.

I haven't read the second chapter, I'm sorry! But I bet Jasmine and Rosie are gunna be good friends. Oh, and another thing! I like the name Rosemary. :tehe:

Thank you so much! I'll take what you've said into consideration. I'm happy that you enjoyed the story, even if it is just the first chapter. And I like making realistic people, I'm not into having a character people just stare at and can't fully understand. Thanks again. :hug:

Story/Review Game.

Just wanna start by saying that the title of this story really captures one's attention. It seems quite, you know, luring sort of. xD It's like you're curious to click it and find out more.

So. In the first paragraph, you used really short and sharp sentences. Sometimes that's a good way of writing, it grabs hold of the reader as if to shake them and say, ''look at me! I'm speaking to you now.'' Because short, sharp sentences really capture people's attention. But here I felt you could have used a more descriptive tone, and maybe describe the scenery or how she felt in a way to introduce the reader to the story, you know?

Moving on! (: I really liked the way you made the girl's imaginary friend want her hopes and her dreams. When she asks him what he wants to be, he says he wants to dance, just like she does. Or it could be the 'other side' of her that loves to dance. That was clever.

"He is not real"

And then he disappeared. He was gone. She reached for him, but grasped nothing but air. Wet. Her face was wet. Was it her tears? Was it...

^^ I thought the change in scenery was pretty abrupt though when it moves to that scene with the shrink telling her that he's not real. Maybe you could ease it in by things blurring or something? I don't know. (:

The golden glow of the sun's rays streaked into the dorm room through the white curtains

^^ That's the kind of descriptive writing I'm talking about! It sets the mood and it's quite a pretty image there, imagining a ray of sunshine breaking through white curtains. Really… summery. :cute: nice.

Turning my head, I saw my adorkable calico cat Jangie. And I knew immediately he was the culprit..

I like the incorporation of the cat, Jangie. That was cute ^_^ And it gives the story fluff. Fluff is always nice.

I like this girl, Rosie. She seems genuine. Although she's had kind of 'mental' problems in the past, what with her imaginary friend and all, I find her really sweet. Things like ''I'll be honest, I'm lazy.'' and '' found myself falling on my ass, trying desperately to pull the leotard all the way up.'' make her seem more real and relatable. A smart tactic in writing. ^^

I see she's made a friend already! Jasmine. I quite like her too, she talks too much. :tehe: I actually know someone who's like that in real life so again, that's realistic and relatable.

I haven't read the second chapter, I'm sorry! But I bet Jasmine and Rosie are gunna be good friends. Oh, and another thing! I like the name Rosemary. :tehe:

<3 Thank you Bri lol

Yay you updated!
Other than a few grammar mistakes, it was interesting.
Keep updating, but update faster :grr:

"So I quickly scrambled out of the dress and put it in the corner of her locker. Jasmine was finished dressing already, wearing the same outfit of a novice."
"he floor was super waxed, causing Minne and I to slip a bit."
"Minne slid over to wear a fairly large group of students waited, dragging me all the way over."
"When we got there, she pointed a box with what appeared to be sawdust in it." [have]
"I watched as she tapped her no destroyed slippers into the dusty material and was no longer sliding about."

There, I think I got the problems here, so fix them!