Michael - Comments

not-afraid-2-live:

oh please please update!
Sorry to beg but I adore this story. :tehe:

oh please please update! the story is brilliant and different! i really like so please do

ASDFGJFGDSFGJAGFDHASGFD
suuuuuuuu effing excellent i could die.
+ it made me cry.
and i never cry.
update soon?
i've been waiting foreverrr.
<3
:)

it's... MMMIIIIKKKEEEYYY!!!

I love this story! It's so sweet and sad. I can't pick out one line or paragraph that I like the most; all of it is so good.

*le gaspeth* mikey!

hehehe gee rapped XD
art techs/art assitants rock. FACT!
*cough*thatssomethingtodowithfancyingthepantsoffmyschoolsarttech*cough*

:shock: oh crap........i would've FREAKED. OUT!!!!

I really liked that! I'm not really into mcr fics, but that was amazing. i think the emotion [as said above] was displayed brilliantly. Really really well done :]

Yeah! I've been looking forward to an update. I don't have any specs. right now, but I have to say...I adore this story. It's awesome and I can't wait to see it unfold. =)

Wow, just wow.

I can't describe how good this is...

Omgee!
Sruti-ness!

AGCHK!

I didn't know you were gonna do that... put Mikey right in that chap! I was totally caught off guard!

But I loved all the cameos and the name inserts... and I'm in the story! Yay! *kisses*

You gotta send me the outline for the next one now...

Gee was singing Mims. :XD This is why you're a genius!

ILY, man, I do! :lmfao

oh... oh wow.... that was so... UPDATE IT! quickly....!!!!

Cuteness overload.

This has actually been the only MCR story that has made me cry. I don't know whether to congratulate you on the delicate handling of human nature or hit you for making me cry because I hate crying.

I'll congratulate you. *does so*

Her fingers were just closing over a Wolverine figurine when a small, icy voice stopped her.

“Don’t take that; it’s mine,” Gerard snapped.

Anna dropped it, and, after a deep breath, let out a sob as she packaged Mikey’s box with tape.

A tear dribbled off her nose, and then Gerard was there, at her side, his demeanor strikingly different from what it was only seconds ago.

“I didn’t want you to cry,” he said softly. “Do you like Mikey better? Is that why you’re not taking me with you?”

That part hit me a lot because I can see Gerard so earnest and so annoyed at the same time, even perhaps a little jealous of his brother.

Oh and I hate that social worker. Not only because of the whole you're-too-poor-to-have-two-kids but also because she is a social worker who obviously has no idea about social problems. I mean, it must have been bad enough not having kids but having someone tell you that you can only have one from two brothers. That made me sad for the parents.

You can really feel the deep connection to the brotherly love, especially:

Gerard nodded again. “He’s playing on the swings. He likes the swings,” he explained. “His name’s Michael, but I like to call him Mikey. I’m drawing this picture for him!” He held up the picture he was coloring. It was a blue unicorn. “Mikey likes it when I draw unicorns for him.”

That made me awww.

I love this.

I adore Way brotherly love stories so very much, and this one makes me flutter with both sadness and happiness.

The first chapter was so innocent that I had a humongous grin on my face the entire time I read it.

Gerard nodded as he took the picture, pointing at every figure. “This is my mommy and my daddy.” He pointed at a man in a suit and a woman in a red dress, both with wings and halos. “They’re in Heaven now, so they’re angels.” Anna wanted to scoop the child up in her arms and squeeze him. But he continued with his presentation. “This is me,” he pointed to a slightly shorter figure of a boy with two brown dots for eyes. “And this is my brother,” he finished, pointing to the smallest figure on the page.

That part just made me squee. Little Gerard is adorable! He reminds me of my little brother back when he would bring little family portraits home from school.

And the second chapter was so... solemn for me to read.

Gerard shrugged out of her embrace to put the Wolverine figure in Mikey’s tiny hands.

“Don’t lose him, Mikey,” he told his brother in an undertone. Don’t lose me. Don’t forget me.

That was just... I felt myself tear up reading that.

Both of you win at life for writing this. I'm subscribing after I finish writing this.

Oh, and just for a little added note, not that you need to know, but I squealed when I saw that you'd used the last name 'Flynn.' That was my old music teacher who's got ADD's last name! Added bonus for me!

Good, I liked what I read. The concept is unique and its something I've never seen before.
You had written all of the thoughts and stuff in Italics, but then in chapter two you had something in Parenthesis, that could easily have become a thought. It works the way you have it, but I think it might make it a little more consistent if you used Italics for it.
Otherwise it was really good, and likably readable.

[/for the cult]

“Michael, Chapter Two”

I really liked the flow, meaning I liked how it was easy to read with an intelligent aura to it so it wasn’t like I was reading an adult’s or children’s book, just something in between that’s easy to read and very, very enjoyable.

I did notice that here:
which was too full of child-like hearts yearning for love, and not enough grown-ups to give it to them.

Childlike is one word without the hyphen.

The description of the little kids was spectacular, adorable. Mikey’s reaction made me giggle on the inside, and maybe even the out. I’m not totally sure, but whatever it was was so fucking cute.

The ending made me choke up a little, too. I don’t normally do that, but I did. That was so sad! The emotion was displayed brilliantly, and again, not in a way that would make it hard for me to understand. It was very relatable, though the situation isn’t.

And this:
“Don’t lose him, Mikey,” he told his brother in an undertone. Don’t lose me. Don’t forget me.

Was so great. It just was, my favorite sentence.

Review for Chapter 2; Story/Review Game.

Paragraph 4; line 1 & 3: Typos. I have faith that you can find them.

The ones who would kiss their band-aids or pick them up when they fall down while trying to learn how to bike; who would pretend to be Santa at Christmas and read them stories at bedtime. The ones who can take them away from this place, which was too full of child-like hearts yearning for love, and not enough grown-ups to give it to them.
That made me indescribably sad. I've never been to an orphanage or and I'm with my biological parents, so I find it very impressive that your writing affected me so. It left an imprint, and not to mention that the 'normal kid' situations you described hit home. Very good.

“Don’t lose him, Mikey,” he told his brother in an undertone. Don’t lose me. Don’t forget me.
[Again] The bolded part [previously italic in the actually story] was perfect. It fit in so well with Gerard giving him the toy. It was just... perfect. So perfect that I'm about to get repetitive and redundant from it being so damn perfect.

Your grammar and spelling are fantastic. No crit there, nothing needed to improve. The descriptions: Wonderful, as always. Once again, nothing to improve.

This is so emotional, even if it's just the single chapter I read [although I will be subscribing and reading the first chapter.] It's almost... startling to see so much emotion displayed so well in a sole chapter.

Overall, yet another wonderful narration written by you. Beyond awesome.
Update when you get the chance and take care.

aww poor gerard! :(
update soon
i want to know what happens!

This is the first fanfiction since probably March that I've enjoyed reading on the Story/Review game.
The descriptions were phenomenal! So were the emotions put in.
I can tell this isn't going to be some cliche MCR story line.

I felt so bad they couldn't take both of them - like a heartbreak!

awww... that's so sad!!!!!!!!
i can't wait for more!!!!!