We Were Birds - Comments

Chapter 6:

Quinn would say that she constantly harassed him, constantly badgered him and it annoyed the hell outta him that she never stopped telling him to smoke.
I think you meant "she never stopped telling him to quit smoking."

Oh and I don't know if anyone else caught this, but in chapter five, there's this:

The words hit Quinn and Fern saw the obvious hurt in his eyes. Good, then, she'd done [what] she wanted to do.

Okay I started rereading this and I totally forgot how awesome this story is.

Anyway I guess I'm going to be really picky...In chapter 3, I didn't really like how this paragraph started out:

So they'd met. They'd been together for awhile and then apart and then together and then who really knew what happened. And then they'd parted, like nothing had ever happened. Fern went her way in one world while Quinn had woken up after seeing her eyes one last time to discover that he was sitting on a train. And it was hurtling through a soft countryside.

I don't know. You were just talking about how Fern and Quinn almost had kids and then the "So we met" was just sort of a choppy transition.

Prologue
There's nothing wrong with the spelling/grammar although I don't know if Effiel Tower should or shouldn't be capitalized. I'm not certain on that.

Chapter 1
He'd taken one look at Fern and one look at the Urn
Did you mean to capitalize the U cause it isn't capitalized when in the next sentence.

Chapter 2
He could, he could move on, but he will not.
This sentence sounds weird to me.

This may just be me, but when Quinn gets off the train, it seems a little confusing. He's talking about the place he's at and then he's on a hill. I'm confused as to how he got on the hill.

He'd grown up by it and spent half his life in it, he felt.
I don't think the ending of the sentence flows very well. It seems like it's been cut off or something.

Chapter 3
It actually surprises Fern that she can feel pain, if she's supposedly dead and all. Of course, if this were a dream, she wouldn't feel pain either.
This sounds a little off because when I think of either, I think of comparing something but you're kind of pointing out differences. Does that make sense?

Chapter 4
They met in Biology class.
I'm not sure if biology needs to be capitalized... but I could be wrong. I'd double-check it though.

To Quinn, Fern was one of the pretty, perfect girls who parents gave them everything they wanted.
Who should be whose.

"Listen, don't worry about me. I'm just a nobody kid who will never get anywhere in his life anway,"
You left out the Y on anyway.
And right below that is another biology, just in case you decide to de-capitalize it.

Apparantley, Liam wasn't finished with him,
There isn't an E between the L and the Y. And there's another biology for the same reason mentioned before. And another one a little bit after that.

the worlds biggest prat,
I think worlds should be world's.
And there's another biology a little after. (Sorry for all the biology, just letting you know in case you change it.)

I was mad at Liam, but with you I'm just...dissapointed."
I do believe there's only one S in disappointed.

Chapter 5
The thing with biology, I think it applies to library, too. But I don't think it's a huge deal, just pointing it out.

for those tiny fletting times when she felt wanted, safe and happy.
Did you mean 'fleeting'?

He disliked her in it, he didn't think she knew how to handle the birds, but in truth, the liked her more than they liked him.
After truth, it should be they.

Chapter 6
Fern had gone out earlier that day and had procured the wedding liscence
It should be license.

mostly because the smell gives her a pleasent pain within her heart.
Pleasant, with an A.

Jane gets two small porcelin cups
There's an A between the I and the N.

Fern smiles. A lie. "It is okay," she answers.
To me, it sounds a little... robotic, I guess, since most people talk in conjunctions. It's would sound a little smoother, I think.

:)
So, I finished.
I did the best I could and tried to catch everything and I think I did...
I hope this helped and good luck with Brown! Hope you get in!

This story is incredible. It's so beautifully written. It's just magnificent. Your imagery is breathtakingly amazing. I'm so jealous, but, at the same time, I aspire to write like you. Your talent just shines through your writing. This is truly one of the most beautiful stories I have ever read both published and not published. (And I've read a LOT of stories.) I don't think I can stress enough of how much of a wonderful writer you are. Everything about this is brilliant. The plotline, the characters, the moral, the imagery (it's worth mentioning again because it's that splendid), and just everything. It seems to me that you've captured the hearts of so many readers. That in itself shows how much of an outstanding writer you are. This is by far my most favorite story on mibba. Thank you.

I don't know how many times this story made me cry. I can not tell you how beautiful I think it is. However I can say thank you so much. This was an absolutly wonderful story and I'm so very glad a read it.

This was a great story, I loved it!
I thought the prologue was really cool. When you said that this story wasn't about their lives but about their deaths i knew that the story was going to be really good, and it was.
This is definately one of my favorite stories on Mibba.

this is so good I love it!

This is such a beautiful story
I'm glad these sort of stories still exist on sites such as this
thank you for this

I just read this whole story in 4 hours, savouring every word and by the time I got to the last chapter I felt so enlightened that I can't even put into words . :) thank you. I haven't cried worthy tears for a long while.

I haven't been able to read the last chapters of this story since I was banned, so this is a very delayed comment, but I have to leave it.

I just can't get over how beautiful that one last line is, I'm crying and my heart is aching because it's just so perfect. Now you can be a good writer, and write good stories, but when you manage to stirr people's emotions like you did mine with those last chapters, that is what makes you a great writer.
Please don't ever give up writing.

oh my gosh,
i don't think i've ever read something that beautifully written before.
you really have a talent,
you really do.
it makes my writing look like shit.
sorry for the language.
i definitely subscribed after the first paragraph. :)

This was absolutely stunning and beautiful.

Words aren't enough to express how awed I am by this; and that isn't just being lazy.
I honestly have never read something this moving with so much meaning and symbolism.
It's like an allegory of freedom. The whole story seems to revolve around that.

You have such a way with words and your imagery was fantastic; I felt like I was there beside the characters, going through all the things they went through.

And oh my God, I was blown away with how much in love the characters were. In the chapter before the last, it shows it, when they first see each other and stare at each other before ever touching or anything.

This was just so beautiful. Gosh. I don't know what else to say.

I really don't know what to say.
This is perhaps the most beautiful work I have ever read.
I just read it for the first time and I read it all the way through and oh my god, you have such a way with words.
you've come such a long way from indie-a-gogo :)
but really, this story is absolutely mesmerizing. never stop writing. never ever stop writing.

This was amazing!
:)

beautiful
maybe epic, but that word can't really be used.
Definitly beautiful though.
^.^

Emily, good Lord, you're amazing. As simple as that. You're the only author who has made me laugh and cry all at once. I feel so good. You have an astounding talent. I loved the ending. We Were Birds is now my favorite of all your stories.

Holy crap ! This was amazing. I love how it wasn't some sappy romance thing but it sort of was. I really liked how it was like they were on seperate journies but they weren't. Gah! I can't even explain it.

You are a very talented writer. You have a very good way with words.

OMG! I am in complete and utter love. with this story. If you published this book, I would tottally buy a copy for each of my friends and all of my family. You have amazing talent. I pretty much idolize you right about now.

Holy fuck.

That's all that needs to be said.