Attention! Attention! - Comments

Since you told me you updated, I felt like commenting.

I haven't been reading this...at all. Which I feel rather awful about since you read my stories. But reading this one chapter really gave me some insight.

It was a perfect epilogue. It ended the story and left no strings. ^^

"...Were taking a vacation on the Virgin Islands (the islands aren't virgin anymore)."

"The two have been attached at the lips for three years."

Hah, i love it!
I'm sad to see it go :(

I've only read the last chapter, but I am posting feedback as requested.

And so, here goes:

This chapter was of average length, but seemed very short when I read it simply because it was so fast-paced. I felt like you were racing towards some event or idea that you wanted to introduce, but that we never reached. Looking back, this was probably because this chapter was so dialogue-heavy, and because all that dialogue progressed very quickly.

Un-embellished dialogue can be very effective in getting to a point, but when it is the focus of a chapter, I think it is often better to flesh it out. A little description of events around your opening conversation could be helpful here, or alternatively, a little reflection on what the characters were thinking or doing while they spoke. In my humble experience, in dialogue-heavy chapters it is rarely best to trust the characters to say all that needs to be said.

Finally, although I have already admitted to reading your story partway through, I felt a little lost because you never really set the scene in this chapter. A hall-mark of truly well-written literature is that you can pick it up and start reading it from any point and still be interested. And so, regardless of whether the scene has been set in a previous chapter, with the opening of each new chapter you need to set it again, or at least remind your readers of what is going on. You should probably do this either just before or just after you launch into your first, enthralling snippets of conversation.

That said, I think this story is quite easy on the eyes. Here you have managed to establish flow, which is something that a lot of stories on this site seem to lack- keep that up.

Once again, forgive me if I've been a jerk.

Cheers,

-Aelf.

Updates from you = LOVE.
i'm so, so, so, so glad you decided to make him wake up <3.

And yes, I love the new layout! xD

George Ryan Ross.:

Aw. Poor Bear.

Awesome update.

Is the font better?

Aw. Poor Bear.

Awesome update.

George Ryan Ross.:

You updated. :brightside:

Your story font is really hard to read though.

Ooooh, I'm sorry. I didn't realize that. I'll fix it. : )

heheh, thank you Clara(((:
it was sad.. i cryed a little,):

but still good(:

You updated. :brightside:

Your story font is really hard to read though.

xSpunkyx:

dude. seriously. do NOT put your story on hiatus!
i would DIE.
seriously.

Don't die!
omgno:

Well, I'm sticking to my plan.
Tell your friends to read.
And comment.

Need two more comments or two more subscribers

dude. seriously. do NOT put your story on hiatus!
i would DIE.
seriously.

xSpunkyx:

Obviously Oblivious:

Can I steal you two?
You're like amazing.
I want to put you guys in a box and take you home.
Is that creepy at all?

YES! you can take me home,
because i hate it hereee, hahah.

:mrgreen:

Lawlz.
I steal you then!

I really like your story, it's good.

I hope you don't put it on a hiatus. But it's your choice.

awesome update

Obviously Oblivious:

Can I steal you two?
You're like amazing.
I want to put you guys in a box and take you home.
Is that creepy at all?

YES! you can take me home,
because i hate it hereee, hahah.

:mrgreen:

i seriously need more.
im ready to rob 3298y87478 banks in order to pay you as much as i can so you'll update((:

awesome updatre

Princess of Slashes:

No it's either sexxi (as in my back-up dancers) or
shmexy (as in thathot video of Pete giving Patrick a breast exam).

He was so into it.

No such things as soulmates. That's only with ghosts and shit.

Go away!!
And don't correct me!!
AND WHO ASKED YOU?!

No it's either sexxi (as in my back-up dancers) or
shmexy (as in thathot video of Pete giving Patrick a breast exam).

He was so into it.

No such things as soulmates. That's only with ghosts and shit.

Can I steal you two?
You're like amazing.
I want to put you guys in a box and take you home.
Is that creepy at all?