***NEED WORK - Comments

You know, I really like the fact that you have quite a long summary. It's long enough to give the reader all the tidbits and background information, so they wander into the story fully prepared, and they have a good grip of what's going on yet you managed to cut it off at a length that is appropriate, so while the reader knows the basics, they don't know too much that it overwhelms them. It actually reads like a blurb from a proper novel :D The layout is plain, but it matches with the atmosphere you've got going on :D

I just want to say, when you have dialogue, always put a space in between as it separates it more easily, and it's easier for the reader to read it. But oh god, I just love your sentences and your descriptions! You have a knack for detail, and your sentences flow smoothly, it never sounds awkward, not at all, not even once. It was pretty action packed, which leaves the audience on tenterhooks the whole time, and you're just dead curious to know who the girl that is talking to Zarda and Zavius is. Wonderful job so far, you also don't have much grammatical errors, which just makes it even more wonderful :) This story really does have potential, I'll come back and read more when I have the time ;)

Just read the prologue, that was incredible. I dont know if i wanna get into the rest because i know i wont be able to stop! By the way "Promises (Skrillex Remix)" by Nero made the ultimate soundtrack to that read!

I like how you brought out Ravador's character with those last chapters. It gives him more of a personality. You still have some spelling errors and such though, but overall, a good chapter.

AHG i dont handle cliff hangers very well. -_- i'm not gunna lie, i was getting kinda bored with the whole elder zavius talking blah blah blah. But i understand its necessary, And the ending of this chapter was worth the wait. =)

AHG i dont handle cliff hangers very well. -_- i'm not gunna lie, i was getting kinda bored with the whole elder zavius talking blah blah blah. But i understand its necessary, And the ending of this chapter was worth the wait. =)

Excellent last chapter! ^^ Your stories are mind blowingly amazing.

the update made my day. =)

Ok there wasn't alot of action, but you made up for it by having Zavius FINALLY tell someone about what's going on. Thya needs to help him go find she-conscience! I feel like he's been keeping the secret for months too lol. I can't wait for the next update

XD Ahhhhh! You dedicated the ch to me!!!! I can't stop grinning like an idiot. AND it was a super cool chapter too. Ravador needs to come back now! The poor girl. You know what I kept thinking as I read that. I kept thinking Zavius is soooooo lucky he can't feel what she feels and he's only seeing what she's seeing. He has to wake up and go save her! Hey, is that Ava? >.> Don't tell me! I want to be surprised. lol I'm so happy now I have to go do something cool.

Update soon ^.~

Wow, this is a really good story. Sure, I've only read the first chapter, but as soon as I read that I thought I'd comment straight away. Your first chapter has intrigued me, and I can't wait to read the rest :)

You updated so fast :D

I definitely think the she-conscience is an actual person . . . but a strange person . . . super smart. Hmmm so not like a regular person or immortal. I'm still thinking about that. Ava hasn't shown up yet. I'm stuck between thinking she's that weird bleeding thing they caught and not. I don't think she's the she-conscience. I'm really stuck on who that is. Oh! I just had an idea. They're immortal because they were super attached to something when they died, right? I could be forgetting things. She-conscience might be what Zavius was super attached to, like a real person . . . but then how would she know about branding? I have to go think more. Unless she died before him. I'm just confusing myself now >.>

I do know one thing though! Taeri is crazy and needs to have something bad happen to her!

:)
Lets see, the set up of paragraphs is kind of sloppy to be honest. You want flowing paragraphs with at least five sentences in each once for it to actually make a paragraph. I couldn't see any grammatical errors or spelling errors, you also seem to be in tune with your characters quite well which isn't easy to say for a lot of people. I enjoyed reading the first few chapters, I didn't have time to read the whole thing however which is sad because its quite interesting to read.

I've only read to chapter 3, but I quite like it. They whole layout seems to go with the theme of the story. I also enjoyed that i didn't have to switch to default layout to read it.

Now, the story is really awesome. It's beautifully written and i love that you have no grammatical errors :D you also made it very detailed, which I love.

The first chapter was like a perfect intro. I love that they do everything in sync :)
I really like the whole vampyre/werewolf thing that's starting to go on. It could go in a lot of directions.

The only thing that i'm kind of confused about is if this place is supposed to be a version of heaven/hell or if it is something that you came up with, but i'm sure that will be answered in later chapters (maybe?) It has a very original plot as well.

All in all, good job. I really like this story :D

ooooooooh there was some explaining in there! Secret rooms and Thya used her telekinesis lol. Loved the update and Zavius needs to go and read that book! I really want to know what all's going on ^.~
I just really love how much depth there is to your stories. It's amazing

Yay! I'm sooo happy for the update! ^.^ I can't wait for the nxt part . . . double the action and mystery and awesomness!!!!!

Whaha. new training gear. It seems awesome to me:)

Wow, i've never come across such a good story.
Your writing skills are really amazing, really.

Your writing is so specific, and detailed.

And of course your stroy is as amazing as your writing skills.
I love these kinds of stories.

ahem okay first, b4 i 4get, on the second to last line u put 'not face came to mind' instead of 'no face came to mind' and now onto wut I think . . .
it wasn't confusing, i understood wut was going on and I liked. I'm sooooo happy for an update I was starting to get worried u might just disappear and never update again. U can't keep doing this to me *puppy dog eyes*

omg, pleaseee update soon for the sake of my sanity
i was so into and then the next moment, bam no more chapters im like sadface
anywhoser i love the story its so unique and your writing style is awesome
i dont think its confusing at all, only sometimes the bit where zavius is in the abyss its kinda confusing but i get it :D
Update soon okayy?

ahhhh! UPDATES!!!!!! FINALLY!!!!!!! Love it... BUT! You NEED to do it more often, kk????? <3 love the update!!!!