They're Playing Our Song - Comments

ooo please come back from hiatus or whatnot! This story is great!

Mikey! Wooo!!!

This story is so cool :} I love Mary xD

Loved the updates! I really like how Gavin's and Louie's banter is working out. You kinda get the idea that he doesn't hate her or really even dislike her much but he just wants to annoy her. Like a little brother, or something. I really enjoy that dialogue you've got going there.

However, some of the dialogue between Mr. Way and Louie ends up seeming a bit forced. It's not really.... I just totally forgot the word. I should probably not try and write a comment while my mind is still on another story (It was a Scrubs fanfic! With slash! SQUEEE) but anyways, the dialogue didn't flow as well as the Louie/Gavin thing. It sounded a little awkward and a little too proper. Idk I'm kinda confusing myself because I can't explain it well.

I also love the fact that Mikey, his younger brother, helped him out during school. How delightfully nerdy of him. I like that. I find that good characterization! So good for you on that.

Another thing, I think Mary has turned from a main character into an extra. I'm not sure if that was intentional or what, but I think that you're kinda focusing on the plot and some of you're characters are suffering. A little fluff is fine! You aren't writing a short story, novellas and novels are allowed to have more substance, so I think some more subplots with Mary and just getting into the characters in general would really make this story fantastic.

That's my two cents! Again, I loved the updates and can't wait for the next! WATCH THOSE COMMAS! lol I think I'm done.

And I'm just gonna apologize for not making sense or typos and everything. I don't read what I say I just post and don't care.

Thanks ^_^

i like your story... its really good

Nice update! It was a bit of a filler but it was more of a transitional filler, ya know? Give her another problem, and get the plot going. A perfect way to get rid of writers block on this story, ya know what I mean?

I also really love the dynamis Louie and her mother have got going. I think it's very real, and it's portrayed very well. It was very believable.

The only thing grammar-wise you had to fix is with tags and dialogue. I don't want to go back to the text, but here is an example.

"I want pie," she said, "perhaps cherry."

You need a comma before the quotation marks, then lowercase letter for the tag after the quote, then quotation mark, lower case letter if it's the same sentence, upper case letter if it's a new sentence.

Did that make sense? I hope so.

Anywho, great update! I'm glad you're writing again

I'm becoming a freshmen next year in IB classes. All I'm doing now is writing and sleeping. I dont blame you for not updateing.

I must have more.
I loveeeee it!
Please update!

When will you update!?

Hey! Love it as usually. :). Haha, cheeky Mary changing her mind. Love her! xD. Update soon! :D

Dude, OMG!
Its been a while since I've read a story on Gerard.
So glad it was yours.
:]

Update, please!

Am i the fourtieth comment!??!?!? :D
Anyway, I think Mary has some secret crush on another teacher and had a change of heart.... or something XD
Oh, and btw I love how you describe the pictures she draws. Sometimes authors can't really describe it good enough so it's hard to picture, but you describe it just right so I can have a good picture in my head good job.

ja ja ja ja shes up to somethin and i think i knnnoowww what it is :)
loved it

YAY Update happened.
AgainAgain? XD

hehehe..
you should have mary turn into an absolute bi-atch and take mr. way...
:]
that would be good.

PLEASE UPDATE SOON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It's AMAZINGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!

Glad ur back, love your story :P

very good story. the part about her dad almost made me cry, just cuz i get the divorce thing. keep up the awesome work!

short still awesome tho keep it up