Thank you for the critism. :)
- Lucy Anathema.:
- I’d like to give a little constructive criticism, if that’s okay?
-Their (It’s their car.) and they’re (They’re over there.) are different. Be careful with those two.
-Try not to use too many adjectives in one sentence. (‘His hair was long, shaggy, and messy poking out of a black beanie.’ would’ve sounded and worked better as simply ‘His hair was shaggy and messy underneath a black beanie.’)
-Try to remember where the words was and were go and when. (In one sentence you wrote ‘There was six bunk cubbies.’ when it should have been ‘There were six bunk cubbies.’)
-Also, you wrote in one sentence ‘She done anything to stall.’ It would have sounded much better and been grammatically correct if the sentence was ‘She used anything to stall her departure.’
-Be careful with sentence fragments.
-Be sure to finish your past tense verbs. (‘. . . Linde ask.’ should be ‘ . . . Linde asked’)
-Try not to use too many profanities in one sentence. I know for a fact most people don’t talk that way and I most definitely don’t like to read it.
That’s all I could find to gripe about so far. XD Just be careful with your grammatical errors and you’ll have an awesome story and probably get more readers and subscribers!
