Chambers - Comments

Lmao@the end thats gotta be the funniest threat ever Lmao

Good Point: I love your story and that they are finally getting together and he's waiting to have sex :)

Bad Point: It took him way to long and her way to long to admit their feelings :)

I really like this story, the way you put it into details is amazing. Keep updating on this.

I really like this story. I really hope they end up together. Your details are good and I love your characters. :)

Ahww! I want more more more! I love this story deary! It's very good. Though they keep going back and forth and it's driving me nuts because OBVIOUSLY there suppose to be together dammit! :DD

plan two.

but what are the two plans?

plan 1 totally.

plan 1 lol
xoxo

im gonna go with plan 1 because plan 1 is usually the positive one rather than plan 2 which usually includes something more drastic

Erm...... I think I'll go with Plan Two. I wonder what I've just voted for? I'm just gonna have to wait and see =) XX

Two is my number, so I'm gonna go with plan two. I'm anxious to find out what this means. =]

Surfergirl

Try to write meaningful comments. Tell authors what you like or dislike about their story.
Constructive criticism is always welcome, but don't be mean. Insulting won't be tolerated.

If you read the sumary of the story, it says that I'd rather have constructive criticism, either that or don't bother commenting.

so sad! but so good :) keep it up!

i cried when i found out The Rev died...it broke my heart...and i love ur story :)

I don't live in the UK or I totally would buy it. You aren't alone in the crying when you heard/found out he died. I didn't think I would be as affected by it as I am, but it has hit me a lot harder than any of the other deaths this year. I really did just start crying as soon as I found out...Other than that I do like this story. I hate it when the person the dude is in love doesn't know it is them that they are talking about! Not that I'm telling you not to write like that, it is just a thing in a few stories that I hate seeing.

chaingang4ever....please read the guideline above the comment box next time.

Try to write meaningful comments. Tell authors what you like or dislike about their story.
Constructive criticism is always welcome, but don't be mean. Insulting won't be tolerated.

Seeing comments like 'love it' is just annoying and doesn't tell me what you love about the story.

Thanks for the comment anyway

xx

love it!

I agree with x.Kris.x. You have a very great idea but it's hard as hell to read "you said and you did this and you did that." It's confusing.But it's a great story but I also think you should I give first or third person Point of view instead of second person.:)

I see someone else has already mentioned it, but I thought I'd add my imput as well. What Perfection is a Lie has said is very true; the second person narrative is very distracting. I understand that is the way you write, but I think it really detracts from your story. Given, I've only read the first chapter, but your idea is pretty damn creative and I'm really curious to see where it goes. However, the "you feel" and "you think" become very confusing.

As EmilyPlague6661's comment shows, it creates that sense of confusion of who "you" is. It's certainly not me, and I don't think the other readers are assuming it's them either lol. Arguably, first person perspective also involves the reader with its use of personal pronouns, but with a first person perspective it's easier to follow the flow and projection of thoughts. Because it's the character refering to themselves and their thoughts, it creates that foundation from which readers can interpret the way you develop your character; in this case, Zacky. It interjects a certain bias associated with the "I" point of view, and also allows you to depict the distinctive traits you choose Zacky to have.

You've said that you tried writing in first and third person, but I think perhaps you should give it another shot. Honestly, I would love to read more, but getting through the first chapter was hard. I felt like I was reading a really bad version of those cheap, annoying Choose-Your-Own-Adventure novels; except I didn't get to chose, since I'm being informed of how I should think about a situation. That's the true beauty of first and omniscent perspectives: they allow readers to interpret your text and story how they view it. It's a lot more fun for both writer and reader, in my opinion. You get to see how people respond to the little hooks, foreshadowing and details you weave into your writing, as well as letting the readers imagine scenarios and picture things for themselves. To a certain degree, the second person viewpoint does allow for a little imagination, but it gets tiresome to be addressed like it's some attempt to provoke participation.

I think the best writing is the kind that does provoke participation, but in the sense of evoking emotions, thoughts and physical reactions. Chambers seems to carry the potential of being an incredible story, so I hope you take into consideration our points. You could just tell us to "fuck it" since it's just "our problem", but that would be defeating the purpose of Mibba. After a quick gander of your other stories, I see that you clearly favour the second person narrative, but I'd recommend trying to change it up. If not for the sake of easier readibility and character development, then at least for a creative challenge in the art of writing.