At Night - Comments

I really loved this!
It was beautiful, haunting and tragic
And you know, I'd love too see a follow on, to see what will happen
Just for if you ever think about it :)
Xxxxxx

Thank you for recommending me this story on Story Finders thread, it was indeed something I have been looking for. And I really enjoyed reading the story. I'm not all that familiar with the fandom, even less so with the after-split up and whatever they are all doing, but the point is, even without the character page (that I generally don't use) I wasn't lost for a single moment. You hinted and described the characters enough for me to be able to imagine them the way I wanted, and yet not completely off, since you did put in some clues. I;m not sure if you know what I mean. But the point is, I think you described the characters wonderfully, letting their actions speak about them, without direct describtions of "he is like this and that". Instead you made Ryan accept what Alex was doing to him, and that already made me, as the reader, start thinking why would someone let that be done? And in the end, you explained, and it just made sense. I loved that, the whole climax.

As for the whole rape thing, I think you described it wonderfully. As in, you didn't go into details that would spoil it for me, because obviously, if knowing what was going on, I could imagine those details. I knew about them, I didn't need to see the obvious being stated just for the shock-effect (that would just spoil it for me, actually). Instead, you focused on other details and that made it all so much more powerful for me. I'm not quite sure what I feel about the character of Z, she was so confusing for me - but at the same time, what I loved about her was that she was so complex, so... non-cliche (not that other characters would be cliche). She wasn't bad, or good, she wasn't black-and-white, for me she was all kinds of grey and that was amazing. (I think I'm not making much sense, am I? )

I think the ending was beautifully fitting - tragic ending for a tragic story. And I love tragic endings that are not caused by death. The tragedy of this is somewhere else, and again there is so much hinted (here I think I'd maybe feel it more if I knew some background details about the whole split, or at least had my own idea of it, but still, I did just fine without it as well).

Wonderfully done. Again, thank you for the recommendation!

I loooved it!
You're such an amazing writer!
;D

I would love to do one of my usual longer review type comments, but you have rendered me quite speechless. All I can think over and over is: "Damn. That was rough." That had to be so hard to write. (It was definitely hard to read!) It's almost sadistic how good the writing is because the subject matter is like a train wreck that I don't want to watch. I couldn't stop reading though because the writing was so great. What I liked about the ending was that it wasn't happy ( not at all ), but it wasn't over the top miserable. I sort of felt like it was saying: "this is how things have ended up; this is how things are, and things suck. Let's see how things go from this direction and this horrible place."
Um, that's all I've got. I hope it made some sort of sense.

Aaaammmmaaaaaazzzziiinnngggg.

Ssoo glad to have you back.

Sill amazing, doll.

You did a good job. :arms:

Wow.
So many parts made me cry.
Its like I went through the split all over again and now I know how Ryan feels.
Brendon fell asleep in his and Ryan’s bed.
Nothing was ever going to be the same.

I loved the ending. It's the kind where there isn't exactly a full stop, but that last sentence telling you that there's not going to be happiness in the future.
Amazingly well written.
Will always love that ending. I can never get up the guts to put sad endings to my stories. I can kill people, but that unhappily-ever-after ending? I just can't do it.
xx

Story/Review Game
I’ll comment on just the feeling of your story, because it is flawless regarding grammar and the layout is just amazing.

Ryan was on his back, eyes wide open in shock, voice temporarily paralyzed by fear.
Let me start with the beginning line; it immediately shocks the reader with the intensity of it. You completely took me by surprise for such a strong and mind blowing introduction. I like how you didn’t prepare the reader for it; you went straight to the point and that’s something you don’t see very often on rape stories.

The next paragraphs are just as strong as the introduction line; you immediately create the feeling that this story won’t be soft with description and feeling of it. The dialogue is very scarce, but it completely recreates what a rape scene must look like.

“Alex, Alex.” she whispered desperately. “Please stop. You’re hurting him.” And then her eyes turned to the boy on his back. “Ryan, please stop crying. Please stop crying, baby.”
I’m shocked with this line; it’s completely astounding how she didn’t even help out the boy; she just begged for Alex to stop, but he didn’t and so she just left. It somehow makes me think of some cases of family violence, normally the victims are convinced they deserve the punishment they’re receiving and sometimes they even cooperate during such hard scenes like this one.

Another twenty or so minutes of screams, sobbing, more slaps, and finally Alex came inside Ryan. And then he left.
The descriptions you use are very dramatic, yet realistic. I can easily picture this happen and the imagery is very real.

But of course he allowed it. He was there, wasn’t he? He didn’t leave in the mornings. He didn’t lock the door at night. He barely struggled.
I love how you include the psychological scars that rape left on Ryan, and not just the physical scars. Many rape stories I have read fail to include the psychological trauma left by such a horrid experience. This makes your story more vivid, and actually makes you get into the shoes of the character. The fact that Ryan stayed with him confirms what I thought, he thinks he deserves this punishment for leaving Brendon and going away with Alex.

Your characters are very realistic and it has nothing to do with the fact that the story is fan fiction and the characters already exist; you brought to life this characters and gave them their own personality, separate from the real life character’s personality. And the fact that you linked the story after the separation of Panic, it just makes it more realistic, like it could actually have happened.

Ryan fell asleep in the spare bedroom in Alex’s apartment.

Brendon fell asleep in his and Ryan’s bed.

Nothing was ever going to be the same.
The ending lines are exactly what was needed for such a story like this one; there was no happy ending; there was no ending at all, and that’s what I like about it; it’s incomplete and the rest is about to come, but we as readers are left with nothing buy a closure to a possible first chapter, and we must have to create the rest of the plotline to actually know what happens.

Overall your story was very interesting to read, especially since I’m not very fond of fan fiction, but yours was like... wow. The visceral imagery you present along with the troubled characters and what’s going on in reality with these boys makes your story a very interesting piece and something you don’t want to take your eyes apart from. I loved it.

wow this was so good but sad. I like how Ryan can leave but he always stays and take the pain and how Z is there to sorta help while she is on her own side! Also I liked the ending so much!

Oh and I never thought it is possible for me to dislike Alex more than I already do but your story made me feel sick about him!

I feel dizzy. I couldn't breathe. I was almost sick. I cried.

Your stories make me feel so much.
I completely adored this one.

Thank you for continuing to write.

Dru that was amazing.
I'm listening to This Photograph Is Proof (I Know You Know) and wow, the connection between the song and the story is perfect.
The story actually made me cry...
Ryan's making himself suffer because he's feels he needs to punish himself for leaving Brendon, I get that but what I would have loved you to explain was why he left Brendon.

It's a great story though.
It's good to have you back to writing. :cute:

Very well written.
I enjoyed it.

My newest story.
Oneshot.
My first story since the Panic split.
2591 words.
Z/Alex; Ryan/Alex; past!Ryan/Brendon.
Comments are appreciated.

xoxox
-Dru