Dark Secret - Comments

Eh. It's okay, and has a fairly good plot.
However, there are quite a lot of grammatical and spelling errors - you particularly need to check your verbs, they are most of the problems (but not quite all).
Also, the vampire thing is quite over-used, it seems like everyone's jumping on the bandwagon.
Vampire doesn't mean perfect, I wish people (not juust you, most vampire stories) would stop portraying them as such.
I would suggest you get someone to check over your work to pick up errors such as these in the future, and try and have a slightly more original plot (whilst you have a fairly nice variant, I'm kind of bored of all these "human meets vampire, becomes friends with/is friends with vampire, ends up becoming more special and it all turns out fine eventually" plots. Other than that, it's not totally horrible!
~GothicLolita

awesome story. I love the originality of it instead of all the twilight-esque books out there.

WHOA! this is FRICKIN awesome! can't wait till the next update!
love her new eyes heehee

The first chapter is very interesting and I'll defiantly continue reading and I'll defiantly subscribe to it. I don't really have a keen eye for grammer mistakes but I'll go back through and keep a look out for them

Oh, this is good :D Serious! (:

OOps that is probably my problem too, people won't read my story because the chapters are too lonG :(

Great as expected, WOW quick update, I was so into the story, and great idea from MCRlucy. I like that chapters longer but I guess people want faster updates, and yes if you feel like drawing in readers then a whopping ammount of reading is something they won't really like. Keep it up, and hurry up LOL just kidding ^_^

Write the next one! O Publish it! Hurry! I love it!

Oh love it love it love it! Especially that second chapter, beautifully crafted! I love the voice too, adds a flare to it. The first chapter was a bit long, but the second just sucked me right in. I can't wait for chapter three!

heaps good story! luv the 'mysterious man' lol :P
keep writing it!
:)

I just want to say that even though I think the first chapter was a little drawn out and again, there were a few minor spelling and grammatical faux pas. Other than that, it's a great start to the story. You've kept the suspense at the end as we all want to know who this stalker really is. I think you should really try to update more than once a month if possible just so that your readers don't have to skim over the previous chapters again. I would suggest that you try and keep the chapters just a little shorter if you can. It's not that your writing is bad at all, far from it, but some readers may not have the staying power to read a chapter this long. I love long chapters to stories, but I do think you need to keep the flow of your story by cutting out unecessary info. Please don't take this as a criticism. I really enjoyed the preface and first chapter very much. Just something to think about for next time. Thanks again.

This was a great preface. Well written and a nice taster to the rest of the story. It kind of reminds me of The Host by Stephenie Meyer, you know with the main character using a body that isn't hers; using it as a host. This looks a very promising story and I look forward to reading lots more. There were a few minor grammar mistakes which only very slightly disrupted the flow of the preface, but this will not matter to the rest of the story. The idea itself is there and it is good and I hope the rest of the story is as good.

(OMG the next twilight lol JK) It was great I really loved it. Although you need to read it over to correct all the mistakes, don't worry theres not alot, I think this story will get better. I absolutely loved the idea of this and its also very creative. (not the love stalker thing but the inner voice stuff really awesome) Now I think this will be subcribed to by me, and good luck next month!

Hey there, love. I'm glad you enjoyed my story and thank you for the comment and mention of yours. I'm enjoying it so far. I like the idea of vampires walking around like humans. And the mysterious 'stalker/lover' was quite interesting. Looking forward to the next chapter. Keep me posted! :)

wow thats was better than i thought it would be and from the prologue i kinda guess it would be good. i guess a months wait should be ok but do try and post it earlier abit

You write amazing :shock: Please hurry and write the first chapter!!!!