Jacob and Renesmee, Together Forever - Comments

I loved it :) The layout was great and I really think it complemted the story. The only advie I can offer you is to add some spaces between your paragraphs because it would make it easer to read. Other then that it was just great. I loved it and I think it is a great story for Jacob and Nessie. It was exactly what I pictured in my mind when I read twilight.

I don't know too much about Twilight, only really from what I've seen in the movies so please feel free to correct me of anything I say is completely wrong.

Now, I think you've got a good idea here and I can see that your writing is getting a lot better with each passing chapter, but I really think that a plan of your own would be a really good addition to this story. If you have a plan, you ensure that you don't include moments that are unimportant. Please tell me if this will be coming up later in the story, but the car accident with Jacob and Renesmee seemed a bit random. It was as though they got in accident and nothing happened afterwards, usually something so tragic would take more than one chapter to describe and then recover from. Also, having a plan helps you keep your timeline in order. The night where Jacob leaves, from what I read, was the same night that Seth asked for her memory but he acts as though it happened a long time ago. Just a little suggestion to keep in mind.

So, like I said before, your writing got a lot better from thefirst chapter to the last. There were a lot less grammatical errors which is great and you got the format, with the spacing between dialogue and paragraphs. But I think that now, since you've improved a lot, you should go through the first couple chapters just to make this look a little more professional.

You've got good characters in this story. You develop them well and I feel as though these are kids that I know and I'm watching them go through all these things. And even though ts a very unrealistic idea, you still make it seem real and relatable. Good job, keep up the good work and you'll keep getting better and better!

the layout is realy simple and pretty,
and the banner I really like as well :)
Plus, the title drew me in, I'm a huge Jacob fan
and there are hardly any stories about him and Renesmee on this site at all
He's so cute with her, and you can tell he doesn't want to leave her
haha I like that she won't tell Edward, because he'll get all protective father haha

I like how it's in journal form, that's a good idea
Yeah that's is a bit hypocrytical on his part, he did the same thing
But, he is just trying to keep her safe, and I get that
so how old is Renesmee supposed to be? like what age?
oh look Edward has a soft side, she is going :)

Ahh you got the Rabbit in there :) he does love that car
well I'm getting the impression she's older since theyre kissing haha
Aw! What's wrong with her? what happened? D:
I love Edward, he really does make a good dad.
But I want to know if Jacob is okay

she's so cute, always blushing around him :)
ah she's sixteen, got it. I was wonderign that
oh gosh, something is wrong. that's not good
she's leaving :O that's not good! she can't leave Jacob!

.... he's breaking up with her! he imprinted with her!
he can't just do that, he doesn't want to do that! ugh
aww that's so sad that they have to leave each other
that's so sad :( poor Renesmee.
what the hell is going on in Jacob's head?!

You did a really good job at potraying the characters
I really like this, and you're doign a great job so far! ;D

awww...so cute! great update! can't wait for the wedding!!!!!!!

More more more more more more more morrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrre please... love it

I love this story! It's a really good Twilight fan-fic because it has a twist...I can't believe Billy is gonna die!
You said you wanted ideas for the wedding? I think there should be flowers in her hair, and white roses for decorations! Just a suggestion, though, and besides it's YOUR story so do whatever you like!
I love this story!!!!!!!!!!! *subscribed*

HAHA The garlic thing made me giggle. (: more updates pluez.<3

I Love It, Update Soon?, I Subscribed By The Way, XD

wow i'm rlly liking the story! update rlly rlly rlly soon!

You definetley need to revise your grammar, but I like the feel of it, and the layout is gorgeous (=

*sniff* *sniff*
it sad
jacob's dad gonna die
*sniff* *sniff*
lolz it awzum ^^
keep goin brook

aww this is pretty good :D

that is so sad :( but i suppose that is the consequense of being imortal :(

Good story! Keep going, cuz I can't wait to read more!

OMG, update please
Love it
=D

Really like this.
Nice work
More soon. :)

Wow this is Great!!!!!! I'm not very happy that Jacob left though!!!

Amazing!!! :] Keep up the good work!! Oh, and I'm subscribing!!

oh O_o whats up with Billy being sick// oh, poor billy!

Hey update?
This is good, update tonight yeah??
X