Jacob and Renesmee, Together Forever - Comments

this is good kinda like newmoon? :)
:D I cant wait for the next chapter :)

Love the story Brook. Can't wait for the next chapter.♥

I LOVE IT!!!!

Love it!!!!

I really love this story um i dont know what else to say as my own stories will not stay on the wwebsite

There are several errors sprinkled throughout the chapters (capitalization, apostrophes and spacing). Also, the point of view went from first to third in a couple spots. It definitely would help if the paragraphs had separating spaces.

Otherwise, it’s an interesting beginning. I do like the first line of the story, which grabs attention. Promising start.

I'm not a Twilight fan, I used to love it, now I realize how dull I find it. When it hit mainstream, I began to dislike it. Despite that, I still think this is a good story, but could be improved by spacing out text.
Carry on!

I'll be honest with you, I'm not a twilight fan. I used to be but now I can't stand it because it's become such a mainstream thing. However I thought that you have started what seems to be a good story, although Nessie is sometimes a bit too childish for her age. Also, it sometimes is hard to read your speech, it's only because it hasn't been spaced out but I still thought this was a good story and that you pulled off the relationship between Jacob and Nessie well. Keep it up :)

This is goof, i like it, i deff will check it out more as you write. it's intresting and all.
my stories?

I like it a lot, it's very fun to read and very creative. It's fun to see what someone thinks Jacob and Nessie's relationship will be like.

There's only one thing about it that bothers me. I think that being a vampire would maybe make Nessie much more mature that she is portrayed in this story. She's a bit too angsty. Then again, it's a fiction and you can make her any way you like!

I like it. It's awesome!

I really liked the opening sentence. "You can't leave Jacob." It really captures reader attention and stands out as something I want to know more about. My interest is sparked. Your dialogue flows very nicely and actually sounds like, in my mind, how the original Stephanie Meyer characters would.

I absolutely adore the layout and banner at the top. Did you make it yourself? I'm not joking when I say it's one of the best I've seen. I hate it when banners look all messy and don't align with the layout and arg - it just messes everything up. I like how you exaggerated Edward's protective nature.

There are a couple of things you might need to think about working on. There are several spelling and grammar mistakes. Just little things like capitalizing 'I' and including apostrophes in words like 'can't' and 'don't'. Also, don't forget to double space you paragraphs - so whenever you finish an idea/paragraph, press enter twice and keep on writing. It's known around Mibba just as basic internet etiquette and it just makes things easier on the readers eyes rather than having large walls of text.

Your dialogue could do with just a tiny tune-up but nothing too major. There's a thread here about all the dialogue rules you need to pay attention to.

I actually liked this and I'm not even into Twilight fan fiction for the most part. I'd like to see where you take this. (: You have a stack of potential.

thank you so much!

good good :)
I usually don't read fanfics, especially Twilight ones,
but yours is good I shall make an exception and subscribe :D

I love it! no one really does renessme and jacob stories!

FANFIC!!! (shoots self).
However I do like the way that you use different tones of speech for how she (you?) talks in different contexts, like in the journal. ^^

a good looking twilight fan fiction....

NAWWWW
Stole comment virginity.
Haha keep it up.

Check my storys ayy?