Secrets of a Murderer - Comments

Firstly, I apologise for taking all this time to get your comment done. I'm a qualified procrastinator.

The first chapter was quite intriguing, I must say. The action at the end was what drew me in as I was not expecting the other woman to be in the room! I guess I had an expectation that the guy would have put up a struggle but not that his sister could be in the room.

In chapter you have - "I had to let go of her to be able to stop Alice. I wanted to have a little fun before dimming the girl’s light but Alice looked like killing her this very moment, so I let go of the girl and jumped in between the girl before Alice could reach her." - which is basically just repeating yourself. You should have either removed the first sentence completed or removed what comes after the comma because having both is unnecessary.

Also in the same chapter you have - "My hand whipped away some of the blood that had appeared on her face. " - when it should be wiped.

Her hands bound on her back I'm sure that should be behind?

You have a sentence in chapter fine that has a randomly capitalise word that shouldn't be - while he Held the shiny metal to my throat.

Chapter six has -- A very quietly sigh escaped my lips, - when it should be quiet because the 'ly' doesn't make sense.

I slid my tongue over her cheek, feeling her trying and shuddering - I'm not sure about this. Feel her trying what? Or is it supposed to be a different word?

In chapter nine the final sentence is "The last thing I heard was the breaking of wood." but chapter ten doesn't explain what that was. He drags a chair over to her but that doesn't explain the breaking sound she heard?

Same chapter - Out of reflex and rage I brought my and up - should be hand

my lips lingering to her in a subtle soft kiss - that should be on, right? With 'her' having an 's' placed on the end to make sense.

Chapter eleven has this - It didn’t want to. - where it should be I to make sense.

The end of chapter twelve has that they're in the bathroom and he's closed the door but then he shouts "get into the bathroom Harvey" which contradicts that, unless you meant bath?

And one more thing, in chapter one it has Dante, 24 but then in another chapter you mention he's 34, so you might want to change one to keep it consistent.

While I get that Alice is supposed to be uncontrollable, her complete lack of restraint in some chapters is just unrealistic. Especially with how little it took for her to snap, and considering it seems like she works as a team with her brother to kill people, someone with such bad restraint would be unable to conceal themselves for such a long time.

I love how dark this is. It's sort of got the gritty darkness that many horrors films have, especially when they deal with serial killers and examine the victim's experience before they die. I also really like how Dante's now fixated with her, consumed by the fact that she's his victim and therefore Alice cannot do anything to her. It illuminates how much control he has and how he hates having things taken from him. Plus, it makes Harvey become this possession, instead of a person.

What I am going to point out is how Harvey observed that the hotel was nice but all her screams are going unnoticed. The shabby motels that are normally used in films and books mirror how strange noises and screams are ignored so long as the money is paid, but nice hotels wouldn't do that and I didn't pick up at any point in the chapters that they changed locations. So he screams would have attracted attention, as well as the times when there's fights and slamming against stuff.

Sorry, at the moment I do not have a co-writer and the story is at a standstill...

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@ XtremeFairy
thank you :-) I cannot wait to bring Dante to his full potential, the other writer was good and it will be tough to keep up, but hopefully I'll be able to really see what Dante can do. I look forward, we have a lot of great ideas planned for the story thats for sure!

amazing update :)

amazing update :)

amazing update :)

Absolutely amazing, people.
Keep it up!

Hey, it's been months since I last heard from you. Did you still want to continue this story?

Wow..I can't believe he branded her.
I can't wait for the next chapter. :)

Ooo I loved it! Great update [:
That was yummy >_>

I only now got time to read both of the new chapters and I loved both of them.
Looking forward to the next one!
xox

Awesome update soon!! cant wait to see what happens

I love the chapter. :D
Amazing update and I can't wait to read more.

Great chapter, once again :).
What was that flashback thingy about? If it was a flashback that is.
I just found out Muse is like the perfect soundtrack to this. For some reason, it fits, or so I think. I only noticed 'cause it was on the radio though, but oh well :).
Looking forward to the next chapter.
xox

I love this. Keep up the great work guys =)

Everybody please welcome Acid! She is my hero at the moment ^^

Hello new writer :). I bet you made Leanne a very happy girl, haha.
On to the chapter. I really liked it. I like the hatred between Harvey and what's her face (Yeah, I'm terrible with names).
Looking forward to the next chapter.
xox

I really like the dark style , reminds me of sin city. It would be really cool if you added another storyline wich is connected to this one in some way, but thats more an idea. Keep up the great writing. And keep up the violence :P.

had me interested from the first chapter :D
i love books like this!
keep updating!!