November 8th, 2009 at 06:59pm
Okay, I'm here to review the story!
Eric sank down on the chair, pressing his hands hard against his face as salty tears was falling down his cheeks, his shoulder shaking.
That was an amazing first sentence. The pressing his hands hard against his face part was something I really liked. [:
He had never believed for it to be easy, but he didn't seem to do anything right, only making mistakes over and over again, and it filled him with despair and agony. The first week had been easy, having had full hopes that he would manage with learning it soon, that he would be great on it, but after one month, it got clear that he was simply useless on it.
I absolutely adore your word choice and the way you phrased things in that paragraph.
Eric yelled, starting to cry again as hearing a increasing cry from the baby chamber.
That sentence was slightly awkward for me to read.
Maybe if you re-phrased it, it'd flow easier.
The screaming faded away almost immediately as feeling human warmth, the small hannds moving slightly as if trying to reach for the one holding him. Andreas smiled softly as looking down at the baby, holding him close to his body as he hummed some old lullaby.
Aside from a few grammatical errors, this paragraph was really lovely.
I could really picture Andreas smiling at the baby and humming softly to it.
he boy's eyes had been round, glittering brightly as the baby for a few seconds opened his eyes, looking directly on the youngest of his fathers - none of them cared about that the nurse told them that babies couldn't see that long when being nearly newborn.
That made me smile so much.
The way the dialogue flows is really nice.
The hair felt so soft, almost tickling his fingertips, and he smiled a bit wider.
I smiled reading that sentence
a sheepish smile playing over his lips.
Lovely word choice and phrasing again
Overall, it was a really nice one-shot. I liked how a large part of this was the way Eric's and Andreas's relationship works, but the baby was still a major part of the plot and all that. There was some grammar issues, but aside from that I really enjoyed this. [:
Eric sank down on the chair, pressing his hands hard against his face as salty tears was falling down his cheeks, his shoulder shaking. Ahh Kitten.
I just wanna quote the whole thing that shows how desperate to be perfect Kitten is, because I love how perfectly the emotion is written in there.
He had seen the same conclusion in Eric's expression when the child were laid in his arms. The boy's eyes had been round, glittering brightly as the baby for a few seconds opened his eyes, looking directly on the youngest of his fathers - none of them cared about that the nurse told them that babies couldn't see that long when being nearly newborn. This is such a sweet mental image. It just makes me melt... and you are actually making me think of Cat as a good father. Ooh scary thoughts.
"I'm an awful parent," he whispered, meaning what he said. He were fully convinced that there hadn't been any parents worse than him. Awww Kitten, you're not. Just no.
Eric suddenly let out a low giggle, his eyes glittering as looking up at Andreas. "Ever heard of someone managing with relaxing when having a baby?" Hahaha, this was such a cute part at the end. I love it so much.
And I love this fiction so much as well, just as I love you so much too. <333