The Perfect Storm - Comments

Thanks for updating! Please keep writing the story, and dont wait until I forget the whole plot again. :p

this is a very original story. i like it a lot. (:

You updated !!!
Yay, its going really well. They were so mean giving her the scrapbook in front of everyone and by the way who is Conor ?
I have forgotten....... lol
No seriously, great job :)
Update soon.

I really like this, I only read a few chapters becuase I got a few more people asking for me to read theirs, but I will get back to this one lol I subscribed. I love how you have the girls actually acting like how girls are in high school. some people like to make their characters act so cool and smooth, I like how you've written everything so far.

They had a huge mansion on the North side of town, the rich side of town.
take out "the rich side of town". it seems sort of obvious by the following sentence.

my mother refused to go to abortion
It would sound smoother if it was "to have an abortion"

there was a ten percent chance that she would survive.
put "only" after "was"

I meant that I could get away from my house, where there reminders everywhere of the mother I would never meet. Of the accusing stares I could feel my father give me when he thought I wasn’t looking.
It might sound better as "It allowed me to get away from the house where there where reminders of the mother I never met and of the accusing stares given from my father when he believed I hadn't noticed"

He was tall and well built.
the word "tall" is repetitive due to the fact it was said the sentence before. Try to see if you can incorporate "well built" into the earlier sentence or the one after.

I don't know about you but it seems as if the main character was more of a "bad-a*s" (I censored that just in case XP) but when Anthony comes in she seems to be said "goody-two-shoes". It might be a good idea to develop the character even further so readers are not lost in deciding the personality of the character.

So far from what I've read is quite interesting. It needs a few minor changes but other than that I'm pretty much curious to see what happens next. :]

This doesnt count as my comment, but I read the first 2 chapters, and I like it so far, I just have so much else going on, I cant finish it now...

The doctors said that if she carried through with the pregnancy, there was a ten percent chance that she would survive.

She didn’t.

That sent shivers down my spine. I loved your prologue very much.

You're summary really enticed me

Love Love Love the story.. .. . . But just one thing. . . . . .. . write more! XD lol

I really like the whole idea to this story(: Nice job!

First of all, your layout is absolutely breath-taking. I also love the simplicity of the summary, it doesn't give the entire story away, but it gives me enough to make me want to continue reading.

I'm going to review the prologue and first chapter =)

Prologue

Small typo, but you misspelled prologue in the third line.

Elaina was nineteen, almost through with her first year of college and Regina was sixteen and finishing up her junior year of high school.- You need a comma between "college" and "and."

No one expected my mother to be able to still have children. So imagine everyone’s surprise when they found out about me.- I feel like this would flow better if these two sentences were combined.

I loved that the character was an "oops menopause" baby like me =) I can relate.

Despite warnings from numerous doctors, family and my father, my mother refused to go to abortion. - There should be a comma after "family." Also, I feel like it would make more sense if you wrote "...refused to have an abortion."

This was a nice little start to the story, even though it starts out on a tragic note. Your voice here is also great, I feel like I'm listening to a best friend.

Chapter 1

I meant that I could get away from my house, where there reminders everywhere of the mother I would never meet. - I think you meant "it" instead of "I", just a small typo. I feel like the last bit of this sentence flows a bit awkwardly and could use some rewording. To help improve flow, I would suggest just reading your story out-loud and see if it sounds like something a friend would say.

Everyone knew that my mother was dead but only Haley knew that I blamed myself. - You need a comma before "but".

'What grade, boy/girl, hot/not?! I need details girl!' - This made me laugh because it is so something me and my friends would do.

...and one that was a senior not less. - I think you mean "no less."

I really enjoyed this story, especially Anthony's character because I know a lot of guys that act the same way.

Keep up the good work with this story! =)

I read chapters one and two.
I didnt see anything wrong.
Con crit- keep it all going. Dont end it. =)

I just read the prolouge and im impressed.
Its captivating and interesting. Im reading more. =)

I really like your story so far, only I've only read the Prologue, but I felt like I just had to comment already.

It's very well written and I love it that there are no spelling mistakes. :)

So well done!

I shall continue reading now!

And I will subscribe as well.

I liked the picture on the side. Also I liked the long chapters.

Kasey; typically not a guys’ name; I think it’s amazing. And I like how he has the ‘bad boy/gonna hit you in the head’ thing going on.

Oh I do love a good bad boy. ;P
Some bits are bit awkward, I'm not quite sure if it all flows perfectly but as the story progressed it had improved loads.

I love Sydney, her character has some attitude. (:
Really great job, I'm subscribing.

I really like this story so far. Something about the title just pulled me in and once I started reading it, I just couldn't stop. And plus, this is a really good idea for a story. Very creative. (:
You have yourself another subscriber. (;

I really like your idea for this story.(: I can't wait to see where it goes.

managed to read a few chapters. Would love to read more but I have school tomorrow so =/

Maybe later ... But loving it so far ...

And what was up with Kasey =/

I am definitely interested to see where this is going, good set up.