The Perfect Storm - Comments

Love to see where this story is going. Update soon!

The first chapter doesn't flow very well. It's pretty choppy and quick paced. You might want to work on your flow.

Other than that, great introduction. I really like the concept, and I'm interested in seeing where this is headed.

I really enjoyed this, its not something I have ever seen : )

This is...interesting. It's not usually something I'd like to read, but this certain piece was definately an eye catcher. Anthony reminds me of someone I know, and so it just adds to the realism of his character.

Well done, and keep writing.

Doctor

i've come to really enjoy your writing
[if you remember, i read city of stones for my first journal experience]
the prologue really pulled me in, and then during the first chapter, there was some familiarly hilarious dialogue between friends and frenemies and the like. a lot of times, good dialogue can make a story.
great work, again! :D

I actually really enjoyed this story. (well what you have posted so far.) After I finished the first chapter, I saw there were 7 others and I was like, there's probably going to be a lot of romance. But you proved me wrong, in a good way. You're developing the characters really well, and I actually like the narrator the best and that's a little unusual. She is really endearing and I like her relationship with her family and friends. I also like that Kasey is a really big prick (as opposed to the usual dreamy, loving, sweetheart lead boy) I thought that there could have been more descriptions. There is a lot of dialogue and I'm very curious as to how the narrator looks, but you leave out a lot of things and maybe that's on purpose. If so, it works, because I'm subscribing :s I laughed a lot through this and it has good, good presence.

I also really loved the emphasis on her family/friends. When writing a story with a strange, mysterious, attractive guy, they seem to become the main focus of it all. Everything else gets forgotten about or becomes poorly written. But some of the scenes with her and Anthony are hilarious (I'm a growing boy hahaahha).

So well done.

OH! AND ONE MORE THING I REALLY LIKED! She wasn't swooning over him from the beginning. I liked when she told Haley jokingly that maybe she could have him. The fact that she isn't falling over her face for him makes the relationship so much more interesting.

I like, I like, I like.

This is quite interesting and I really liked the introduction. I like how it's just 'She didn't.' it's so blunt but it really works. 'His dark hair looked like he had just stepped inside after a windy day' that had to be my favorite part, it was a creative description!

This is really good
Thanks for requesting it to me in my journal
Update soon (:

This is very nice =]

I love how you wrote the summary.

I like it so far :3
The way you worded the prologue...the last two sentences, I loved that. :]
I'll read some more later.

I really like your story. Update soon!!

I'm glad I subscribed its really good, amusing arguments lol.
Update soon.

Great story so far, and I too found their arguments amusing >_<
I'm really intrigued as to what will happen next, so hopefully you'll get the updates soon!
*subscribed!*

More soon !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Good chapter.

Wow that was a good fill in chpater but please update soon i'm cliffhanging !!!!

It's realllllly good : ]
I'm definetly subscribing
More soon?

Wow !
I totally didn't expect that.
Great chapter 4 !

Its really great so far I love it.
Really sad about the mum though.
Update soon !

thanks for the feedback, i just changed the layout a bit because I was reading it over and it hurt my eyes too lol so now its easier to read.

I really like it so far.
And I can't find any mistakes so far,
but the layout however is kinda burning my eyes,
an idea is to move the picture to the right of the screen
so that it's not in the way of the words
and therefore easier to read.