Inheritance - Comments

awesome story!!! The idea for it is amazing so rock on! =)

Great idea, and good start, but the story is way rushed. it's going at a hundred miles an hour. i love the characters and the setting, and the dialog is great, just slow down! :)

mrs. nagato is kinda creepy. I'm not sure if I like her.

Well, about time! Haha

Certain parts of this chapter were good, and other parts seemed a bit rushed. I like the bit with the dictionary, it made me laugh. And just Aaron and Ankita's conversation as whole. All of her inner thoughts made sense in the end, but they were a bit haphazard. I'm not sure if that's what you were going for, but that's the feeling I got.

So, I can totally imagine Mrs. Nagato just appearing at the end of the driveway with that big wide grin.

Update soon?

Woah. This makes everything I write look like child's play. Keep it up! I have a goal now to write something that is half as good as yours.

I'm a role model now? That's scary... Anyway, I like how you've set up the "magical world." The Hawaii part was a little confusing, so is the main island that we think of the large one with only magic beings, or are they on a hidden one un-magic people don't know about?
Uhm... I like the inner landscape thing. Reminds me of the Dragonkeepers series by Donita K. Paul with the strands of light thing.

I'm trying to think of more role-model like things to say, but I've got nothing.

I'm sad to agree with the "This chapter doesn't have a point" But I know how those filler chapters are. You've gotta introduce someone, and you can't think of a better way to do it. Anyway, I sure hope that "Mongoose" gets a safe home, Haha!

I can't wait to see what happens next!

woopeedoo, the woman is vibeless.. O_o
update soon!

This is very intresting. I love the idea of the story. It's very original! Please update soon

I was gonna say something, but then I read Charlotte..'s little poem thing....

Wait, I remember. this chapter doesn't feel as natural as the other chapters... The best thing I can say, is that it left me a little confused. How does Ankita know what the inside of her brother's car look like? And if it's the one from her old home, did they fly it to Hawaii or what?(mighta' missed a reference, don't hold me too it.) Better yet, why is Aaron in James' care? Did he steal it or is James the one driving... Maybe this is just me when I wake up in the morning.

Now that I think about it, Ankita's thoughts were muddled, right? I guess it fit that the whole chapter felt a little muddled. It actually a little bit works.... Hmmm....

Next Chapter Please!

oh yeah, new guy xp, but there isn't a picture of him yet, :[ xp
update soon!

wow, yeah, didn't expect that :] i liked it :]
update soon!

Hmm... This newest chapter hasn't held the same intrigue for me as the other chapters... can't pinpoint it though. The more feral attitude? I don't know. I like the point of view though, very nice description. I like how you describe the changes, such as the ears and stuff. Nice, nice.

I think I like Brother shark better than Ankita-leopard, but hey! That's opinion, not critique.

Okay, I still love it. I love the interaction with the shark, quite genious if I may say so myself. I totally can't wait to see what's going to happen, although I have my theories... stump me, will you? There's nothing better than a story that surprises me with its twists and turns.

Anyway, I am definitely sticking around for this one! And no worries, you on pain meds is better than me on ten hours of sleep.

Oooh, I'm a fan. I've been searching stories up and down for something worth reading, and I've found it! You've got a good voice. It has a good balance of emotion in it, definitely drew me in. I'm only on chapter 6, but I've decided I should probably clear the junk off my bed before I have to go to sleep.

So far, I think it's really great. Ankita seeing other peoples future works well, especially with her reactions afterward. The change of perspective created a bit of choppiness, but it also worked. Hmmm.... If anything, I would add just a bit more description, but you have a good balance. You might not want to mess with it. I'm definitely subscribing!

I'll read the second half of this intriguing story in the morning, can't wait!

i liked it :]
only, at first I didn't know it was a white shark 'cause it says only 'white' there's no shark there, so maybe you should change that, :]
update soon!

Oh-my-gosh! this be freaking awesome!!!!! What did you do to your leg? Your story is so much better than anything I could ever write!!!!

this is really good!

first, let me say this: YESS!! SOMEONE BUT ME KNOWS ABOUT BLACK OPALS!!! none of my friends know about or have ever seen black opals and they are my favorite gemstone, so you can imagine my sadness.. haha

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A giant jumps out of the driver’s side with a dancers ease.

this made me laugh. a giant with dancer's ease... haha... i randomly pictured a giant dancing.. that probably wasn't your intention, but still, it brought me some joy. XD

pretty paintings!!!!! i loved the one of the feather!!

but haha, i'm jealous of her. i'd love to live in a computer nerdy home...considering i am one..

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I had been looking forward to that day but now it does it matter.

you might want to pay a bit more attention to your punctuation here. "I had been looking forward to that day, but now does it matter?"

this is great so far! keep going! :D

this is a good story ..i feel the further u continue with it the better it gets....keep it coming its really good... more details to describe her past life cud help 2

Update please?
Totaaally subscribed