He Caught My Eye - Comments

This needs more comments. ):

^^ Tyvm.

aweeeee. loved the chapter, well the ending (:
I hate Nic, he is an ass!
Simon is too sweet for his own good, I love Jace, he is soo mysterious, && so idk (:
Update soon? ppleeeaasssee?? <3 (:

^^

LOVE this story(: definitely my favorite on this website so far:D (I just recently signed up a few weeks ago:]) awesome story:)

Thank you!

I have to admit its really good i'm hooked please write again really soon

Can you send me a message abt the mistakes?

Oh yes pleaseee!!!

If you want me to, I can help you during the editing process, if that is what you're planning on doing, because, as you can see, I am somewhat of an aspiring editor. :)

@xiluvmusicx: Ikr? Lol. Totally agree.

@Anonymous Authoress: Great! Your feedback is just what I needed. ^^ I appreciate you taking your time to read this story and point out my mistakes.

Well, yes, the tyre thing. In my country, we follow British English so it's spelt as tyre over here. It's equivilant to tire in American English.

Other than that, I'm glad you gave me your honest opinions so I could improve.

Alrighty, there are a few problems I have with the story. The first is very minor and it's just that you have a few grammar mistakes here and there as well as the typo 'tyre' when it is actually spelled tire. other than that, you are good in the realm of syntax.

The second problem I have with the story is that Naomi is a very cliche character. It seems as if you are trying too hard to make your reader feel sorry for her rather than make it seem more believable. For example, the whole ex-cheerleader thing, I think she would need to do more than just get injured to be kicked out of her social circle, like maybe the manner in which she gets injured like maybe tripping. I guess that could be embarrassing because how many cliche popular people are klutzy?

Along those same lines Naomi just seems to be every other high school character out there. I wish that she had more to her instead of just a bullied 'outcast' and lets face it, outcasts do not attract popular people in real life. Of course, I could easily forgive all of this if the story were funny, because I enjoy comedy very much but I don't think that was what you were going for.

The third thing that I have an issue with in the story is the stereo types. Teachers are not always clueless unless they work at a rich private school where they can afford to be clueless. I think the whole issue with Laura (I forgot her name, sorry if that is wrong. lolz) is again stereotypical. I feel that Laura is the most under developed character in this whole story but I don't blame you. I find that a lot of stories like this, set in high school, about an outcast, have extremely weak villains in them. What I would like to see here is Laura being this sneaky cleaver, yet maniacal girl. I would like to see her injure or pull pranks on Naomi that can not be traced back to her. Like the whole tire incident. Making Laura more intense and possibly dangerous, as well as smarter will bring a whole new life to the story.

Well, there you have it. The story is not so bad, it was something that I could actually read and be, somewhat entertained. Although it would be nice if you would surprise us and have Naomi get with Simon or someone completely random.

Anyways, good luck in your writing endeavors.

-Anonymous Authoress

Poor Simon, it's so much harder to get the girl when the girl has known you forever.

great update =)

This needs more comments. *strokes chin*

LOL.

Lol, thanks alot!

:] i LOOVVVVVEEEEEEE thisss (:
It's SOO friggin cutee!!!
I can't choose who I like more ):
Jace is hot, niice, funny :) Simon is, hot niice, funny too (:
They are just soo damn amazzzing.
Update soon, PPPPLLLEEEEEAAAASSSEEEE???!!! :]<3

Ty. ^^

this is really good :)