Masked - Comments

I love that song! <3 And it does fit the chapter, doesn't it? I'm glad you guys have enjoyed it. By the way, my sweet Letters, you need to update your story Whispers and Wishes becuase I'm hopelessly addicted to it. :)

Dear, sweet, awesome girl. I love it when you update. Your writing is just so beautiful and mesmerizing, I really can't stop reading. You're truly inspiring.

By the way, small little thought, have you heard "Jar of Hearts?" It came on shuffle while I was reading the chapter and it really seemed to fit. Give it a listen if you haven't heard already. It's kinda nifty.

i'm so glad you've updated! :3
awesome chapter! i can't wait for the next update!
keep up the good work! :D

First chapter, I haven't even started reading but I appreciate the length. Nobody writes long chapters anymore.

And seriously, I think I sort of jinxed you so try VERY hard not to break any dishes. I feel as if I've wasted a comment. I'll make it up to you.

I'm kind of having a hard time reading with the current font color. But it might just be me xD
This is awesome though, from what I was able to read so far

I saw this on ^neutiquamerro's profile.

I have to say, I'm impressed. Not many people take the time you do with detail and your characters are all very real and complex. Good job. Eli sounds like a total player - which is why I'm totally already attracted to him, right? Haha.

Anyway. Good story.

Fallaces sunt rerum species.. ahh gash. I can't remember the exact translation but it's something about looks being deceiving. Right?.. ya.

02: Okay, first off, I like that Kevin kind of talks to herself. I mean, I know in a first person narrative sort of thing it happens, but I like the way they she goes through things in her head and it's not jumbled and you have a really clear point with each paragraph. Especially when she's debating what to say to Eli.

“No, I just like your face.” That will always be one of my favorite quotes. Haha. So honest. Poor Kevin.

I always liked Jesse. I feel like I'm always rooting for the underdog.. even though I'm not sure with your plot twist if Jesse is going to be after Kevin like he was last time. And it is ironic how they both have names that generally the opposite gender has.. *team jesse*

Not only did these strange fingers touch the outside of my body, but somehow their eternal frost found a way in my flesh as I felt them move through the muscle, tissues and bones. The halls and lockers swam and blurred together as the fingers reached my head, their cold phalanges probing the different sections, seeking something there that they hadn’t found in my body. Cold and confusion filled my body as my knees trembled and gave out, and I feebly fought against the fingers even when I fell back against the lockers, sliding to the floor while the world meshed together around me. CREEEEEPYYY! Uh, but really good description. I felt like it was detailed but not overdone. Really good. Gave me chill (again).

*snickers* 'ghastly', haha.

Heather. Got. PWN'd. You go Kevin, you go girl. She's a regular little Confucius XD

Kevin is also pumping up the sarcasm in this chapter. It's like I can tell just by her tone that she's obviously anxious about Eli, not only is she saying that but she's acting that way. I definitely think that aspect of the writing reveals a lot about the effort you put into the character. I also can't wait for Audrey to become more involved in the next chapter! I always like her character.

I guess the only negative thing about this story is the layout. Maybe it was just me or my computer screen but the really dark blueish color on white font had me squinting. Eh, other than that I really like this chapter. And I feel like things are rolling plot-wise. So bravo (:

[So I hope you get over that horrible writers block!]

Hey,
I read this story when it was first posted on Quizilla, and it's one of the stories that I'll always remember. All I want to say is, don't worry because you have a writer's block. Don't fret, it'll wear off...........eventually. :)
Just relax and take your time writing the story. And don't let anyone bully you into updating.:) And congratratulation for being on the good fiction list of Project Fiction.
~Injila

00: 'kiss me a thousand times'... love it. Also, when you mentioned the kiss relating to betrayal, automatically I thought of Judas and Jesus. Is that just because I was raised Christian or is that what you were referring to?
This prologue definitely gives a lot more insight on the story than I remember before...especially the 'incubus' part. *shivers*

01: 'no one should be punished for his thoughts'. (i'm a Latin buff. hence the user name >.<)
Why can't people just stick to labeling clothes? SO true.

Eli Cross strode down the hall with a thick air of confidence, hands tucked deep into the cliché black leather jacket that screamed bad boy. His dark hair was tousled, reaching the bottom of his ear in length, and his silvery charcoal grey eyes were alit with mischief. Okay, that right there, for some reason, in that order - how you worded it - have me this immediate, perfect image of Eli Cross.

“Has anyone ever accused you of rape, KJ?” ah, wtf? I can't really remember but I feel like this is new? He used to be a player I thought! Oh my!

Ah... but I do remember the sickness part. 'Unearthly sick' - dun dun dun...

“Carson,” I began, digging about for my keys to unlock the door and get us out the cold. “I’m telling you that when a girl is mean to a boy it means that she likes him. Being mean is just a cover up.” Unfortunately... this too is still true in high school with the boys who have yet to mature. Haha.

Casting a final look at the thin sliver of the moon, I had the feeling that this year something was going to happen. Something big, something magical and something very different. Foreshadow.. o.O

Overall there are only a few things I noticed that I totally different. But still - I like it. It's basically like reading this story from the start because I only vaguely remember it when it was on Quizilla. It seems like such a long time. But over all, I do like the little twist with Eli. For some reason I remember the emphasis of him being a player, over rapist. It definitely does give the story a little more... I don't know how to say.. plot depth? from the beginning. I appreciate the detail though and the depth that you put into all your characters. I feel like it's easier to see them as people with the description you give.

And I like Kevin as a girl's name and I like it as her stepbrother's name also. That's something I don't think I've ever read in a book and it also gives me the feeling that sometimes Kevin does things just because she doesn't want to be thought of as her mischievous brother. Like perhaps she might not be so quiet; because in the few flashbacks she seems like a very fierce little kid... yet somehow in her transformation into high school she lost a lot of the ferocity..? Maybe that's just me picking at something that's not there though.

Ha. Anyway. I'll probably read the next chapter tomorrow and review it. But I had time to do this much today (:

lovely story, very descriptive and very original. Keep up the great work.

I loved this on Quizilla and now I'm happy you've been editing and posting!
but just a little side note, in your summary, you accidentally mis-typed Cross and put 'Corss' instead; thought you'd want to fix that (:

Keep up the awesome story.

wow, i'm the first to comment. ;D
i think the story is very interesting and i can say, i very much like it.
it's very well-written and you seem very talented.
i can't wait for your next update.

keep up the awesome work! =D