ConCrit, just because I noticed it's kinda reccuring:allwaysalways. I know, we have the "alltid to l'er i alltid, aldri to l'er i aldri"-thing here, but it doesn't apply in english.
Other than that, I lurve your english and how you make your sentences. ^_^
and the end was intriguing
I want to know what's gonna happen!
Love it!