Romance - Comments

This is the exact kind of story I'd gladly write out a page long review comment on, and there are only two others that I feel the need to do this with. Consider yourself a truly artistic write that has the abilities of using descriptions in their work, and gets the words out well, so they float across the page in a sense that seems entirley improbable. Your writing could be mistaken for a long-time book writer. And more than anything, I admire that.

The whole part you put in about how messed up the world is, how they can go about declairing wars, and spending every penny they own on it, and then not offer so much as a dime to those who need it, was really heavy on me, because it just goes to how how the wotld is /very/ cold in times, and rarely makes sense.

Ugh, I'm going to write now, because you've insired me more than you could know. So I bid you thanks.

This is beautifully described, although grammar may need some work.
I could imagine these characters so wonderfully, I miss them already.

You are a really good writer for your age, so I'm excited about this.

horsie890:

Your descriptions amaze me to no end.
Really. How can you possibly be thirteen and be able to write like this? When I was thirteen I could barely splutter out a few sentences a day, let alone a story like this. By the time you're my age you'll be printing full-length bestselling novels that sell by the truckload.

I like how you didn't jump into the middle of something and leave us looking around confused, though the event was still a bit shocking. And again with the description of the girl...

Her face was pallid and sallow, drained of any color; Except for her lips. As in all the newly dead, the girl’s lips bore a small tint of purple, reminiscent of the aftermath of a child’s candy. Thick, matted and coarse brown hair hung limply from her fading scalp, brushing roughly the top of her bony shoulders. The dead girl’s skeletal frame lay stiff, half way swimming in the sea of abundant shadows that ravaged the narrow alley.

Geezus. Are you trying to make me look bad? XD Kidding. That paragraph really stood out to me. The description, mainly. You used things that normally wouldn't make sense in a situation like that, but in this case it fit perfectly.

*hangs head in shame and walks away*

Thank you, so so much! It really means alot.
-The Sopranos Theme- horsie890 and I are in The Family.
And The Family members always give eachother comments.
If they didn't, it would make The Family mad. XD

Skittle Punk Rocker:

Love the start! XD
I want more now! XD
AND H*LL F*CK*NG YEAH!
ME GOT FIRST COMMENT! XD
*Dances to American Idiot* XD
PAGE CLAIM! XD IT'S MINE! LOL
Update soon please?

Alright, teenie. Stand back and let someone REALLY comment this story.Your descriptions amaze me to no end.

Really. How can you possibly be thirteen and be able to write like this? When I was thirteen I could barely splutter out a few sentences a day, let alone a story like this. By the time you're my age you'll be printing full-length bestselling novels that sell by the truckload.

I like how you didn't jump into the middle of something and leave us looking around confused, though the event was still a bit shocking. And again with the description of the girl...

Her face was pallid and sallow, drained of any color; Except for her lips. As in all the newly dead, the girl’s lips bore a small tint of purple, reminiscent of the aftermath of a child’s candy. Thick, matted and coarse brown hair hung limply from her fading scalp, brushing roughly the top of her bony shoulders. The dead girl’s skeletal frame lay stiff, half way swimming in the sea of abundant shadows that ravaged the narrow alley.

Geezus. Are you trying to make me look bad? XD Kidding. That paragraph really stood out to me. The description, mainly. You used things that normally wouldn't make sense in a situation like that, but in this case it fit perfectly.

*hangs head in shame and walks away*THAT is how you comment a story.

Love the start! XD
I want more now! XD
AND H*LL F*CK*NG YEAH!
ME GOT FIRST COMMENT! XD
*Dances to American Idiot* XD
PAGE CLAIM! XD IT'S MINE! LOL
Update soon please?