Arablest/ Prototype - Comments

WOW. Catching up is taking awhile! You are a writing monster haha. So, the opening sequence of this chaoter (chapter 80) made me laugh! "Correction: they looked so angry they could have been demons from hell". Hahaha. I'm not sure if you are doing this on purpose or not, but the entire thought process of Jeremy can be so entertaining at times. He just seems very real and very easy to relate to. But really, this chapter wasn't lame at all. I can completely understand the lapse in updates. Look at my stories! I mean, sometimes life just gets in the way. Especially with such a time consuming project as this. I have no idea how long ago this was really, my relationship with this website is well...kind of bi polar lol. I also think the message system might be messing up, I'm not sure. Either that or you're just super busy (like me) cause I sent you a message about a week or so ago. I hope to hear from you soon!

Hey you! :)

Okay, so I really loved this latest chapter, "Dreams."
This part, near the beginning:

“You’re dreaming, of course. Or rather, you’re fully conscious in a dream state, or perhaps you’re in a dream world. Who knows? Either way, you had fallen asleep before coming here. The only difference is, you’re fully conscious of your actions. You can even learn new things here. You do know it’s easier for spirits and humans and if they meet in the human’s dreams, rather than in either world or even whitespace, as you call it? I find it ironic that even most sages don’t know that, spending their lives awake studying and what not. It’s ridiculous, if you ask me. No offense to General Ira or any other famous sages you know, but it’s true. Because you’ve been to whitespace, it made extremely easy for us to meet in your dream.”

I thought that was an absolutely amazing explanation.
A lot of authors have trouble when they try to describe
different things to their readers,
different concepts concerning the chapter that are really
crucial to the storyline.
I think you have a gift when it comes to this,
especially to the technical sense of things.
I know I absolutely suck at trying to explain things...
so I definitely admire that.

This part made me laugh, haha:

"I thought about my violin, the one I inherited from Donovan. Why did I inherit it anyways? Surely someone else should have deserved it, since I’m not from Lehrail—

“You’re not concentrating.” Donovan interrupted. “It’s true that since this is your dreamstate, you can manipulate things and make anything happened, but I don’t want you creating a fake. Bring the real instrument here.”

Jeremy always has his head off in the clouds.
Well really, I think that he just has a lot of thoughts,
that he's a very observant, detail-oriented person so he always
gets all caught up in thinking about how and why something might
be happening, instead of living in the moment and just experiencing it.

This was a really cool part as well:

"“At least 10 to 12 years? What did you mean by that?”
“Well, your inherited instrument also enhances any ability you already had, and since the only instrument you’ve played before is the violin, your skill with your inherited instrument is multiplied, or even increasing exponentially. So your skill with the violin when holding your inherited instrument is definitely way over 10 to 12 years.”
“Y-y-you can’t be serious.” I responded.
“You haven’t noticed? You’ve been playing songs you’ve never even heard of before with perfection. In short, you may be even better than a master of the violinist as long as you have your inherited instrument. But that’s for later; for now, it’s time to learn the piano.’

I really liked that little bit.
It made a lot of sense to me,
and I thought it was a really great tool
for your developing characterization,
letting the readers know just how much the violin
really does mean to Jeremy and his journey and all.
Great part!

"It really was just a dream.

Was it really just a dream?

Or did it really happen? Or was it both?

And if it was a dream, then when did my violin get here?

I was clutching the violin case, which held my violin.

I didn’t bring with me to my room."

Whoa, what????
Jeez, you have a way with cliff hangers.
Always leaving me thinking and wanting to know more!
Although I think that's the whole point of writing, isn't it? xD

Anyways!
Amazing chapter, amazing story.

<3

Wow!

I found the final chapter of part one to be really interesting.
There was this mysterious vibe going on the whole time I was reading...
but I guess that's what you want your readers to feel, huh? (:

Hm.
I can definitely understand where Jeremy was coming from during this,
as far as his emotions go.
I always get uncomfortable in situations where people talk about me,
just like him!
After awhile it just gets to be way too much and you just want to snap.
It must also be really diffucult for Jeremy to remain away from home for so long.
I can understand how confusing it must be to find yourself in such a strange place,
with no idea how to get back home or how you even got there in the first place.
And then he gets promised that he can return home if he helps out,
but then no one ever tells him how to do so.
I would feel like I was being taken advantage of, you know?
So I'm not mad at Jeremy at all for wanting to leave. (:

Whoa!
The trap scene completely surprised me!
I have to admit to having no idea that was going to happen...
you definitely have a gift with suspense!
I wonder why these things keep happening to him?
I was so scared the whole time he was lying there and in pain,
hoping that he wouldnt die or something.
Gosh, I was like, spazzing out. xD

Im so confused though!
Did he die?
Did he live?
Why was he in the room?
What is going on?!

gahh.

I can't wait until part two comes out! (:

(and I left you two comments, yay! xd)

Nat,
I'm so sorry for not commenting on this sooner.
I saw your authors note on chapter forty nine and I felt terrible.
I;ve just gotten caught up in things but thats no excuse.

So, I thought the battle was portrayed really well!
You were quite descriptive with the action,
and I definitely got a clear picture in my head as to what was happening!
When Jeremy got hit by that magical blast,
it was relaly intense!
I was amazed that he wasn't badly at all, with only some bleeding.
I would have expected him to at least break a bone or something.
But then, when Ira was listing theories about Jeremy, everything started to make sense to me,
Like, if he was resistant to magical attack,
and that he can also manipulate magic to an extent, it's really interesting to think
that might have played a part in him coming to Lehrail in the first place.
I definitely think he was destined to be there, and to help.

Hmmm...I wonder what Raymond has to say to everyone...

Wow, I can't believe that 43 chapters of this have already been completed!
I admire you ofr being able to stick to this story,
because I can hardly ever bring myself to finish a story,
let alone one that is this long!
Go you. (:

Anyways, this comment will be for chapter 42, okay?

The whole Lord Winston issue seemed really fishy.
Why weren't they let in immediately?
And why was there so much security?
I totally agree with Jeremy thinking something weird was going on.

I defnitely envy how Jeremy can fall asleep so easily!
That's something I've never been able to do,
no matter how hard I try!
Joseph must be a really awesome guard to be able to stay up like that.
I certainly couldnt.

Oh no!
King Raymond went missing...
I don't blame Lord Winston for being scared..
something weird is defnitely going on here!
I'm kind of thinking he isnt dead...
but we'll see what you have planned!

YOU HAVE TO STOP WITH THESE CLIFF HANGERS.
xD

Although the next chapter is already posted...
:D

AH!

I can't believe I forgot to comment last time!
I suck, and I'm sorry!

So anyways.

How could the gaurds not let them in?!
Gah, you make everything so suspenseful with these cliffhangers!
I thought this entire chapter was really good and descriptive.
I really like how Jeremy's though process is very realistic and uinque,
and the bit where the random girl joined them was interesting!

I can't wait to see what happens when (and if) they make it through!

Oh,
and please update soon. (:

And I'm sorry for not commenting on this sooner,
I have't had much time for reading.
I'm all caught up now,
and can't wait for more!

Yeah,
so I was like geeking out this whole chapter going like:
OMG GWEN NO.
Haha,
I'm glad she ended up being okay though!

When I read this line:
"“Gwen, that bow is actually one of the Seven Legendary Weapons:
Emilyn’s lightning bow.”"

My face looked like this: 8O

Haha.
I really enjoyed this, as usual.
You are a talented writer, Nat.
(wink wink)
And I greatly admire you for sticking with a story for so long!
XD

:O
All I have to say is,
Poor Durand. /:

First of all,
yay unicorns!
I smiled when I saw you used them in this chapter. :)

I really enjoyed all of the description within this chapter.
It was very nicely written.
I had absolutely no problem picturing the city and all of the elements
that you described at all.
Awesome work there!

Hmm...
so this sidequest sounds interesting.
I have a feeling that something might go wrong.
I hope Jeremy and everyone make it out okay.
I'm anxious to see what happens next. :O

Jeremy needs to wake up and realize that veronica likes him!

YAY!
Update. :)
I really like the priest's name.
Pierre is very fitting, it seems.
Veronica is very mysterious.
I'd like to find out more about her soon.
I hope Jeremy can crack her a little bit, so the readers can have some insight.
This cross dressing thing is interesting, haha.
I like the idea, I dont know if I've said that before or not.

Anyways,
update soon please!
I wanna know more about Veronica,
she is very interesting!

Sorry its taken me so damn long to catch up with this!
Wow, it just keeps getting better and better!

Im really glad that Jeremy is back and safe!
You had me worried there.

Hmm,
he is definitely cluless about girls,
thats for sure.
Hha!

That was really freaky. :O
What's gonna happen?
How did they all die?
Is Jeremy gonna be okay?
Ahhh!!!
*spaz*

And how many more chapters are there gonna be,
do you think?

Update soon, please!

Ooooh, this was a good one. :)
The ArchBishop was an interesting idea.
Did Jeremy pass out or something?
Is that why the Bishop was called?
I got a little confused there. :O

Well, even though Jeremy was hurt,
I'm glad that more people weren't.

Oh, crap.
The army is coming back!
What the heck are they gonna do?
eeek, update update update!

No, you killed a horsey!
*glare*

And poor Jeremy got hurt!
And Leona is angry.

/:

Buut you did an amazing job with your descriptions in this chapter. I felt like I was actually there, seeing it all happen!

This is by far one of the best chapters yet!

I can't wait to see where this is gonna go...

I really liked the battle description!
It was intense.
I also loved Leona and Gwen in this one.
They were the definition of girl power, haha.
That weird symbol thing was really interesting...
Durand is full of mysteries!

I also find it funny hoe Jeremy is stepping up to his role as a leader very well, even though hes been denying it since the very beginning of the story.

Great job!!

UNICORN! :D

I was hoping there would be one in here, and there was!
Hooray. ;)

And did Jeremy drop thr F bomb, or did he actually say W T F?

haha.

Great chapter, keep it up!

Go Leona!

That was badass, man.

And the plan was pretty good!

The violin is an interesting twist...I'm anxious to see everyone's reactions to Jeremy playing. ;)

Great job, can't wait until the next update!

I really dislike Durand...

He's so mean!

And I wonder why Leona stuck up for Jeremy...

and what the plan is!

You leave me with too many questions, haha.

I really enjoyed the description of the mountains. ;)

Nice work on this chapter!
Update soon!