This was absolutely great I love it when he says he used up all his luck to get her. The entire 'bang' part gave me the impression that he was shot I was relieved when I read that he wasn't :)
I agree with Electric Goat. on the beginning. I didn't enjoy being given the straight facts of how they met.
There's no snow in March in Ithaca? There's always snow in March in Ithaca, even if it's melting.
Man he's getting hit left and right. It was cute. I like that he walks into the sign. That was awesome considering we do it, but we don't often write about doing it. We like romance to be picture perfect, but those little bits made it more realistic.
It was a nice little short. Good luck in the contest!
Aw, I loved how cute it was. And I LOVE that guy, so brownie points for that. I think it's cute that he claims all his luck was used on her.
I met my boyfriend, Jonathan, when I was a freshman at Cornell University and he was a sophomore. He came over from Ireland to go to college here. He has short soft brown hair and gorgeous eyes, his accent along with his looks, drove me crazy. Now I’m a junior and he is a senior, we’ve been together for three years.
I didn't really like how it begun. I think maybe instead of just stating it this way, you could talk about the moment they first met, or how he captured her attention the first time she saw him.
Something like...
He seemed almost unreal when I first saw him. He was so gorgeous, and when he opened his mouth and I heard that captivating Irish accent, I knew I wanted him to be mine...
Hilarious.
“Lindsay you just don’t understand. I used all my luck getting you.”
A huge aww-ing moment right there.