With an S - Comments

Prize Comment #2 (TeeHee):

I really liked this! It was so cute! I like how Ciara felt left-out and such when Beryl came...it was how most older siblings would feel, I would imagine. I like how you called the shopping thing "malling". I also liked how Ciara mistaked the "S" thing for mispelling Ciara. That was hilarious, and it made me laugh! I felt it amusing when Beryl loved the relationship she had with Ciara, but Ciara didn't want anything to do with it. It was an interesting twist and I loved it. :)

Everyone who are lucky/unlucky enough to have siblings will recognize themselves in this text. I sure did!

It was wonderful to read and I found myself smiling like a fool half of the time. Good job!
This story made me remember my childhood when the smallest things would grow out of proportion and I'd get mad.

I love the layout. This was very easily relatable, especially for me lol. It was very well written and overall it was a good read. Great job c:

This is absolutely adorable! I love how the story flowed together and the meaning of the cups. I was really sad that Ciara(sp?) misread her sister's intent. The ending was good but I disliked it because she went out of her way for revenge. =( I have a sister and can relate a little. You did a marvelous job on this! <3

I absolutely adored the beginning!
I loved the whole story, really.
Isn't it funny how just one misunderstanding can hurt a whole relationship...

Anyhoo, fiftythree million points for you!

P.S. Sorry this is late but my internet decided to cut out for about three hours -___-

Wow.
A lot of emotion was immited from that piece.
That makes it so much better to be honest.

I love how the sibling rivalry seems to be only one sided.
To me, that usually doesn't work but for this piece it really did.

It was well written
The characters were easy to understand and we (the readers) were able to relate to the characters.

Love the picture for the layout.
And as everyone above me has said, this is a wonderful story.
It's nicely written and I loved the quotes on the summary page.
Great job!

My God, this is so beautiful - actually, everything about it is beautiful. Lovely job! <3

I highly enjoyed this story once I finished it and everything came together.
The ending just made me put my hand to my forehead though. Ciara wasn't listening at Christmas which is why she's taking her anger out and destroying the scrap book that her sister made. That would destroy me.
Luckily even with my four sisters we get along like best friends.
Again, I really liked this story. You are an excellent writer and despite what you say about rushing and flaws, I can't tell. All I see is the effort you put in. :)

Wow. This story was utterly amazing. I loved the concept behind it, and it really caught my attention. You also have a really good flow throughout the story.

The layout is wonderful.
I really, really like it.

As far as the story goes,
I enjoyed reading it.
You're a great writer.

/lame comment.

I'm sure tangled wires has already highlighted most of the errors/typos. It seems as if you're describing Fiji in your descriptions of the Phillipines. Sometimes, it's so hot here, its not funny anymore.

Anyway, this story was pretty touching. Ciara seems like a bitch. But you've highlighted the whole sister hood thing pretty well and that's not an easy thing to do (without the writer coming off as a total romanticist, mind you)

Congratulations on a work well done!

I'm sure I won't give as wonderful of a comment as the others did, but I would like to let you know that I really enjoyed it.
It's so interesting how misunderstandings can change the concept of everything, and how a simple misunderstanding changed the course of this entire story. Also, how jealousy seems to have ruined their relationship, it's sad.
But once again, you're a fantastic writer and I really enjoyed this story.

Story Review Game

Gorgeous layout, I must say! I love a good layout (hence the reason I chose this story). And the short description definitely pulled me in.

Such was the case when when the Chinese traded with the Filipinos.
- I don't think you met to put when twice here.

Blue. Ciara always thought of that as the other class when she was in grade six and in the honors class, Gold.
- This line gives a lot away, and helps the reader. I'm guessing (I'm reading and reviewing as I go), that Ciara is the eldest sister, and Beryl is younger, and Ciara is more gifted than Beryl seeing as she's in the Gold class.

That was exactly why Ciara went in the pink room next to her own and took the scrapbook from the wooden desk. To destroy it.
- I think it should be 'went into the pink room'. That was so mean of her! Talk about sibling issues.

The four-year-old and her father were alternately suggesting names for the newborn.
- Oh, so Ciara is four years older than Beryl. I'm guessing she's jealous because Beryl gets more attention.

But now, after she suggested a brilliant name, praise went to her sister.
- Talk about jealousy.

Ciara felt warm liquid on her face which she took for the answer.
- Well damn, I can see why she doesn't like that baby. I wouldn't like a baby that pissed on me either.

Ciara found it strange. Beryl did not like books. But still, she could not help but smile even when she couldn't find any of her friends like her mother told her.
- Oh dear, do not tell me the mother is going to give the present to Beryl? Or is Beryl going to pick out something that isn't what her sister was looking at?

B for Beryl, she thought, and S for Ciara? Bitch can't even spell my name.
- Oh my god! I knew it! And an S? Seriously. That is too funny. If that was me, I would have laughed!

Beryl tried looking for an A for ate but could not find one, so she settled for an S for sister. The B for herself was for bunso. It never crossed Beryl's mind to look for letters representing their name, because she wanted a gift that could connect them. To her, their strongest connection was their relationship. But Ciara had blocked any other reasoning from reaching her mind.
- Ohhhhh! That makes sense! Oh, then it was all just a big misunderstanding! You see, holding grudges and getting angry over nothing is bad! I'm so glad I don't have siblings.

Overall, I think the story was beautifully written, and had a great plot. You captured the children really well, something I've lacked in seeing on mibba. This was particularly refreshing, and the way you write is quite unique and very...elegant, I guess. I don't know how to describe it. Some people write and it sounds like a teenager writing, but this sounded like an adult wrote it. You really caught the perspective and wrote it well. :]

- Blair

Well I did like it. And somehow I can connect because I have a sister and a new one as well. So simply by that I liked it. I also liked the fact that it was so smooth to read and that it did flow together.

I'm going to do a quick comment on this, since I really have to pee and I have some writing to do, so just be glad that I decided to do one (simply because I loved it to death).

So, here's one thing I loved about it: What happened was that a small beam of sunlight filtered through the thin white curtains on the window above the crib and hit one of Mrs. Villones's many rings. That one just happened to be a beryl, and the reflection just happened to catch its owner's eye. But Ciara did not know that.

Here's one thing I didn't love about it:

Doctor