The Watchers - Comments

I'm going to copy everybody else by saying that your layout for your story is super nice. Like the simplicity of it is refreshing. The banner doesn't overpower or stand out but it complements the rest of the layout. The wideness of the layout bothered me a little but that's because I'm lazy and it requires me to actually move my eyes ha ha.

Your story is really good, I feel like you could describe the characters a little more but I get a kind of Keanu Reeve's Constantine feel from it. I loved that movie so I totally dig that vibe if that's what you're going for. The whole supernatural stories is what I've been coming across a lot lately in the comment swap. Overall I like it, just wish for more description of location and people. The chapters are a good length too, not crazy short but not a novel on their own. I'm content :-)

This story is very nice. I especially liked the banner, thinking of updating my story a bit now XD
I really like stories with a supernatural element (hell I'm a mega Supernatural fan) and you combine that with the focus on a young person who obviously hasn't explored all aspects of the supernatural world yet, very interesting.

You are a good writer. Good vocab, description, and your narrative flows very well. I didnt get very far because i got sick of hearing how hot the guy was, but i instantly saw your talent. My only advice is cut out some of those god awful adjectives.

I'm from comment swap!

I loved your banner and layout; they're simple, but very beautiful. And after reading the first couple of chapters, I think the layout fits the story well. The tone of the story is very peculiar and mysterious, which is a style I like to read. Along with XXXataktoulaXXX, I'm not too fond of the way you gave the location in the summary. I think you could've used that information in the first chapter, and done some other really great things with the summary.

But I do think this is a story that has great potential, and I applaud you for writing an original fiction! Lord knows I don't have the talent to do so (:

x,
Holli

Dear author, honestly I didn't like the story's title but I'll find out while reading why you decided this one fits the story. The summary seemed plain to me and the info about where she lives and all that, should be given in the chapters not the summary. The last part of the summary though was great and you used the bold text to your advantange nicely. I found no writing mistakes in the first chapter and I saw you did a good holding up the mystery in this. It made me think, why was she so afraid of him? That's all from me so bye. ~Marian.

Dear author, honestly I didn't like the story's title but I'll find out while reading why you decided this one fits the story. The summary seemed plain to me and the info about where she lives and all that, should be given in the chapters not the summary. The last part of the summary though was great and you used the bold text to your advantange nicely. I found no writing mistakes in the first chapter and I saw you did a good holding up the mystery in this. It made me think, why was she so afraid of him? That's all from me so bye. ~Marian.

I'm glad you finally updated! I was starting to think you'd dropped this.

Hello, I'm from the comment swap.
Wonderful idea, very original. You might want to double-check your writing though, before posting--some things just sound jumbled or are a little confusing. Maybe try reading your work aloud before posting--it helps me!
Ex: 'It did not, however, protect from anything higher than lesser tiered beings, which, judging from the energy she had felt, flowing from just the man’s forearm, he was definitely more powerful, if not infinitely so.' (This is in the second chapter, and while after reading it a few times I made sense of it, it should probably be two sentences.)
That being said--it really is a truly well-done story and I honestly look forward to reading more!

Wow, this is really good! You have good imagry, and describe things well. Like, the beginning paragraphs of the first chapter. And I think you did a good job of describing Riley's appearance, and what she's feeling.

As far as the content, this is a really original idea and it's playing out nicely, not moving too fast or anything. It's got some good suspense that makes me want to know what happens next, and I can't wait to see what happens with Riley and the stranger. Are you planning on writing more?

The banner is beautiful. The summary confused me a little and made it seem like I should feel bad for the character straight from the beginning.. "I'm not pretty," doesn't really catch my attention and pull me in. You have very little if any grammar or spelling mistakes which makes reading the story so much easier. the description and character development is done very well.
Good job and continue writing :)

I adore these kind of stories...the mysterious man has caught my attention and I can't wait to find out if he is evil or good and will he go after Riley or help Riley. I can sense a lot of supernatural predicaments for Riley taking place in this story and I'm looking forward to reading all the crazy trouble she's going to get into!

I think the banner is really pretty, first of all. The only thing is that the summary is a bit of a turn-off with the whole I'm not pretty, I'm not good at anything, it sounds more like a pity-party to be honest, and it's a bit of a turnoff. I think it would be fine to keep the generally mediocre lifestyle thing, and the unexciting bit, but then cut the first bit out. Other than that, it's enticing! :3

Love the first sentence, especially with the emphasis on he. And the not so graceful death things made me smile! I love the vocabulary you use, it's just the right balance of simple with some words that just spruce it up, and the little descriptions that just make it more vivid in my mind, like I can almost feel the heat or see the wrinkled dollar bills.

Your tags aren't correct though, with the dialogue. When a tag follows a quote, (tag being he/she said) the quote should have a comma not a period, and lowercase for the world following.

I liked the mystery surrounding it, and it's a good cliffhanger that you have. It's a little short, I'll admit, but it's good. I'll admit I'm not someone who usually reads fantasy type stories, but I can definitely appreciate what you've got here, because you've obviously got talent as a writer. c:

From comment swap.
Your idea is original and you've obviously put a lot of thought into the back story with the whole demon thing. My only slight criticism is that you haven't really described anything yet. It would be good for you, I think, to just pop in a paragraph every now and again telling the reader more about the setting or what Riley looks like.
Other than that minor thing, great job! Good suspense.

Fixed the craziness with ANOTHER layout :D
Thanks for your comments!

I love the new layout! :D
My only problem is what TabbyKitty13 said about the sentences spaced out so much. It's a little distracting, but besides that, everything is great. c:

Oh, you changed the layout! I like it. (: Except your sentences are spaced out SUPER FAR! Dx

(: Make sure you're watching for your spelling, girly.

Awww hell. He knows her name, dude. Why do I feel he's super important? :D I'm excited for more!!

Hiya, I'm another comment-swapper. (: There's a few things I'd like to say:
1. I love your characters name. I know it sounds silly to point that out, but I just love it. "Riley Starkweather." It's creative and cute.
2. I'm very interested in reading more of this story! You left a good cliffhanger at the end of the second chapter, and I'm curious to figure out just what this mystery man is.
Keep up the good work!

Hello! I'm here from the comment swap, and I must say that so far, out of all the stories I've been given, this is my favorite. I like your descriptions and your grammar and spelling is spot on. I see you've fixed any mistakes pointed out in the comments, which tells me you're willing to listen, a good trait in writers. Keep up the good work!

I really like this story so far! The idea is really interesting and your writing style is very good. I absolutely love the idea of the tatoo protecting her, because although it's clear she doesn't like having the Sight, or at least she doesn't use it, it shows that no matter what she's still part of that world. Especially since she had to get demon's blood and a magician to help her. One thing I don't get though, is if the man has one too, why does she think he's demon? The only advice I really have is in the first sentence of the story "Riley Starkweather was working the front counter of Mitzie’s Café when he walked through the front door, causing the bell above the door to jingle, and sending in a gust of the dry July heat." the word "he" really throws me off. From reading the prologue, you know Riley is a girl but since it can be used for both genders, saying he after her name it makes it seem like she's walking through the door. Maybe saying when "a man walked through the front door" just because it's cleaner. Other than that sentence, it is absolutely beautiful, I love the idea and you're doing a great job writing it :)

Haha yeah I figured that out, I added some more so it's a little longer, and fixed the icky stuff XD
Thanks for the heads up though!