April 17th, 2010 at 10:35pm
I didn't read the original version of this, but this rewrite is honestly very, very good. The dedication at the beginning was a very nice touch to interest readers as well, because I'm sure almost every girl has at one point liked a guy who didn't know she existed.
The first part was very adorable. You made Rian completely endearing despite his choice of words (impressive for a third grader), and also, I think that the way you wrote it kind of made the readers feel a little protective of Tania.
Also, I was very impressed with the second part because I thought that the story would be taking place in like high school, senior year or something. But it was very original to instead make it take place out of school and give a character a career in politics. I'm eager to see where this goes.
I like this A LOT and can't wait to see where you take this!