I'll be commenting on the plot, characters, the feelings conveyed, and how well it fits with the song you were given. I'll also list any typos I found. =)
Plot The plot of this was brilliant, Za! I adored that it was set in the 1930's, and that it was about a woman and a man, the man sick but still carrying on as normal. I loved how they worked together in getting the money they needed to live. How they communicated with winks and secret smiles while they "acted" was really cute. I was sad once the disease caught on to Jesse, though. I also think you researched the disease well, and that you have how they'd talk in the time period down pat too.
Characters I loved Dolly and Jesse. The way Jesse was described reminded me of an actor on either Law and Order or CSI. He was a black man with ice blue eyes. Just, a black man with green eyes? He sounds beautiful. Vince's introduction was nice too. I liked how smooth he was with Dolly, and that when Jesse was gone he thought i was cute that Dolly still pined for him.
Feelings The feelings that you were able to convey to the reader were beautiful. How Dolly loved Jesse but didn't really want to tell him and when she did I literally went, "Awe!" The melancholy feeling of the TB surrounding both of them was tragic. Like I said earlier, I was a little sad once Jesse passed, feeling how heartbroken Dolly was through that. I liked how flirty she'd get with Vince to get him to give her the cure, and near the end how she realized that she did love Vince a little.
Fitting with the song I think this fit with the song quite well! I could picture the story when I listened to the song, and I think you did a great job capturing the song through this story. It matched with the song well, and with the mood the lyrics gave.
Typos I cocked my head to the side, biting my bottom lip and grinning. “It’s a pleasure.”
The band started playing as I spun my head towards them, grinning asI my baby blue eyes locked with Jesse’s.
Plot
The plot of this was brilliant, Za! I adored that it was set in the 1930's, and that it was about a woman and a man, the man sick but still carrying on as normal. I loved how they worked together in getting the money they needed to live. How they communicated with winks and secret smiles while they "acted" was really cute. I was sad once the disease caught on to Jesse, though. I also think you researched the disease well, and that you have how they'd talk in the time period down pat too.
Characters
I loved Dolly and Jesse. The way Jesse was described reminded me of an actor on either Law and Order or CSI. He was a black man with ice blue eyes. Just, a black man with green eyes? He sounds beautiful. Vince's introduction was nice too. I liked how smooth he was with Dolly, and that when Jesse was gone he thought i was cute that Dolly still pined for him.
Feelings
The feelings that you were able to convey to the reader were beautiful. How Dolly loved Jesse but didn't really want to tell him and when she did I literally went, "Awe!" The melancholy feeling of the TB surrounding both of them was tragic. Like I said earlier, I was a little sad once Jesse passed, feeling how heartbroken Dolly was through that. I liked how flirty she'd get with Vince to get him to give her the cure, and near the end how she realized that she did love Vince a little.
Fitting with the song
I think this fit with the song quite well! I could picture the story when I listened to the song, and I think you did a great job capturing the song through this story. It matched with the song well, and with the mood the lyrics gave.
Typos
I cocked my head to the side, biting my bottom lip and grinning. “It’s a pleasure.”
The band started playing as I spun my head towards them, grinning asI my baby blue eyes locked with Jesse’s.
I almost forgot it was Jessie kissing me.