I'm With You - Comments

First things first, I love the opening. I love how you described the surroundings and the boy's characteristics. The pale moonlight splashed upon his vampire white skin < when I read that, I thought it was going to be this tragic vampire tale, but I was wrong.. But still - it's another great way of saying: 'He's pale against the moonlight touching his skin.' Another line that I really liked was, Her cry sounded, shattering the night into a million pieces. < shattering the silence of the night into a million pieces.. Wow. That's a great methaphor you used instead of saying: 'Her cry was loud enough to be heard by creatures of the night' or something along the lines ;P

You know the character, Ashley, reminds me of you. It's probably because I read about her having blond hair and you have blond hair ^~^ And the character also has green eyes... And you have green eyes.. Annyway.. The story is revolved around Ashley and Matt's love for each other and the tragic, twisted fate they had among them. What I like about the story is that... It's a twisted, love story.

Even though Matt pushed Ashley away... Ashley kept going and going. I think that's what true love is that the two share. Ashley loves him completely that she'd do whatever to stop him into meeting Death. Matt loves her too, but the fact that he changed and his old self is gone, but Ashley still loves him. That's one of the things I liked in this story ^~^

When I read that he's planning something, killing himself - I think. I thought that he was gonna jump a cliff, but then I read the part about 'train tracks and then turning into the beach'... Train tracks are hardly use in these kinds of stories I read on Mibba - and it's like a fresh of breath to read a different scene for a story.

Also, I like how the story was in third person - to see each of the character's thoughts and it flowed easily and wonderfully. Pointing that out, 'She was closing in closer to him. He wanted to kiss her too. But he couldn't.' I like how you put that about Matt not wanting to kiss her back- it makes it more realistic.

And towards the ending, where Matt turned and kept walking away... Ashley was right behind him, but he pushed her and she landed on the train tracks. Instantly, I thought that she'd get up easily, but nope - you put a twist to it.. She was clamped on the train tracks. I was screaming.. Inside and my eyes widened when I read that.. I even blamed Matt for all this.

And try as they might, she clamped shut onto the tracks.. Matt and Ashley shared one final kiss before she pushed him off to safety. Her screaming was drowned out because of the flesh tear and bone cracking sound from the train. < This line right there... Epic! I love how you described it! Gorey and graphic - I even imagined it all o_o

All in all, this is a wonderful piece of work. It has the elements to make a great story. Kudos to you :cute:

I love it but it is so sad, the fact that he felt driven to be that way and regardless or the changes in him she still loved him.

As the others said ' it was amazing'. I wish I cold write like that. It didn't make me cry but I usually don't cry. Anyways Kudos on the story.

:cheese:
Incredible.
I cried. :( Your writing style is amazing, I love it.
I am definitely going to read more of your stories.
xo

I loved it.
I adore tragic fics like these.

That was super sad, but I loved it!!!

omg that is the sadest storie ever.. it tor me apart...

great work the meotions flowed along in your words..

omg i LOVE it. i cried. its so...amazing. brilliant. <333333 it

TT-TT

It made me sad,

but that's okies, it was good.

Angel, you're so incredible. I wish we could be like this in a way that I could scratch out the ending. It's almost awkward to me but it felt real. I would want this; but you wouldn't die.
No. Never.
It truely is phenominal and one day I'll write for you, too

love it! "The trees whispered ever so lightly about the beautiful stranger on the train tracks." great line!

oh my god...that was amazing.
made me cry.
i loved it.
you have amazing talent.
x.olivia

this is amazing...it actually made me cry...that's all i can say

xx <3

"An owl hooted in the distance. The pale moonlight splashed upon his vampire white skin and on the trees. The trees whispered ever so lightly about the beautiful stranger on the train tracks. His shoulders slumped and his head down, as if he was counting the steps until oblivion. He barely moved his feet like a broken soldier."
Pretty. :3

I liked it, it was very good. ;3

That made me cry :'( I loved it so much though. I wonder who it could be about. I love it.

As the otehrs have siad before, this really was amazing.

It was a really good love story.

I thought, somehow, it'd turn out the other way around; Him dying instead of her. It had a nice, interesting twist to it.

I felt so sad, I mean, this is different from other love stories. It may be short, but it was short and sweet. It was definitely worth the read - It's beautiful!
-sniffle-

=]

ash that was pretty amazing like i cant quiet put it in to words on how it hit me but i loved it

OMG I STARTED CRYING!

Oh my god.
This was the most powerful, most tragic oneshot I've read in a while.
Erros (just typos a missing commas, nothing large) and all, I don't think I'll ever forget this, honestly.
You did a magnificent job, dear(:

This is an amazing story. I loved it.