very good update. i agree with Mindfreak. this is a definate, classic tragedy. quite amazing. a couple tips-one plot-wise and a couple grammatical
1. gramatical- "He barely moved his feet like a broken soldier. i guess it was a typo.
"Matt! Stop!" Her cry was a glass shattering the night into a million pieces. i'm not so sure if the metaphor is correct. i think it'd be more powerful as a simile.
He could imagine her dirty blonde hair flying drastically behind her i think drastically is too strong of an adverb for this sentence, and it doesn't make that much sense.
2. one thing I believe, but you may necessarily not; i believe that you should build up a character and their relationship before you kill them off. your readers become more attached and they feel the emotion and loss more. instead of just popping in on the situation and be like "aw, he just lost the love of his life" they would feel more "OH MY GOD!" about it. you may have been trying to go in the opposite direction, making this like a prolouge, right?
very outstanding job, and you are a fantastic writer! i can't wait to read more to find out what were the previous events that occured.
O_O Wow, that was, wow. Really the only thing that describes it to me honest. Just...what a smack in the face for that chick >_> No, I kid, I know it was deeper than that- but with so many emotions, its hard to make a conherate review, but just know it was amazing. ^_^
Wow...what Skulls said. It was sad. Yet it had that twisted-ness thrown in. The whole thing was written in almost a poetic way. I think a lot of love stories are.
1. gramatical- "He barely moved his feet like a broken soldier. i guess it was a typo.
"Matt! Stop!" Her cry was a glass shattering the night into a million pieces. i'm not so sure if the metaphor is correct. i think it'd be more powerful as a simile.
He could imagine her dirty blonde hair flying drastically behind her i think drastically is too strong of an adverb for this sentence, and it doesn't make that much sense.
2. one thing I believe, but you may necessarily not; i believe that you should build up a character and their relationship before you kill them off. your readers become more attached and they feel the emotion and loss more. instead of just popping in on the situation and be like "aw, he just lost the love of his life" they would feel more "OH MY GOD!" about it. you may have been trying to go in the opposite direction, making this like a prolouge, right?
very outstanding job, and you are a fantastic writer! i can't wait to read more to find out what were the previous events that occured.