I like it! However i found it a little hard to read. It would help if you put a space in between the paragraphs. Looking forward to it. Do you mind reading my stuff? Good job again.
Better, better! I liked how you made it so her life wasn't suddenly amazing when she got the guy; much more realistic. I'd work more on character development, though. We don't know a lot about anyone so far, and it makes it harder to understand the characters' actions. Otherwise, pretty nice.