I've only read the first chapter so far, because I figure that if I never get to the rest of it, you deserve to at least be commented on your amazing writing. (: So, yeah, this is wonderful. I'm excited to read the rest of it, and once I find enough time to do it, I will, ahah. :3
Ohai, it's me again, just telling you once more how brilliant you are, and how my head spins and my mind slips whenever I read your words. I think i'd like to know you, and the strange recesses of your mind - I think you'd be just as unique and beautiful as your words.
If I could, I would sit forever and just read your words. Beautiful. I don't know how you do it. I never give feedback, I don't think, but I hope my admiration works just as well. I feel like I'm almost always gawking over your stories, bothering you with the same old comments. But, I can't help it. I think I'm in love.
“When I first met Noah Weaver he told me that he had a mouth full of ghosts.” Should have a comma after Weaver.
“I didn’t have time boys like him.” The word “for” should be after “time.”
“I met him at a poetry reading, surrounded by arty types, each fighting for their own few minutes of fame, and he stood still and very silent beside me.” The word “arty” works, but idk. Maybe “artsy” instead? Ignore me if you don’t agree, lol.
“He didn’t talk to me again for a long time, and I pretended that I didn’t mind if he didn’t like me, my pride holding my head above the surface of an uncertain sea.” I love that fruking line. See, no cursing;)
“Later on we would laugh when we remembered this; we would hold our cheeks to stop our mouths opening any wider, sure that if they did they would split our faces in half.” Comma needed after “later on.” Um, maybe the word “from” should be placed after the word “mouths.”
“But at that moment he was just a too-pale boy who seemed determined to fade into the wallpaper.” Comma after the word “moment.” And see, this is what I meant by unique style of writing. Comparing things to objects/body parts while inserting emotion into them. With that sentence, for example, there’s a sense of sad understanding for Nate who “seemed determined…” while you called him a “too-pale boy.” It’s descriptive but brings out emotions. And since I can’t explain it, I’m a continue with helping >_>
And yeah, that’s all I could find in chapter one. The rest is good =]
I will give you more of my meaningless feedback, that is nothing but raving at the beauty of your words and giving you nothing constructive at all. I love your characters so much. They seem so perfectly placed and well made. I doubt that anyone could create people in the way that you do.
Have I ever told you that I love everything you write? Because damn. It's true. More things need to be written in your kind of style. I love your description for everything and how you have to read between the lines to fully understand what's going on. And I, too, watch everyday for an update.
This story is beautiful. I havent read anything like it- i really love your writing style. I wish i had it- but i dont and thats fine, because it's yours. I love this story. Please update soon?
I am thoroughly sad that there are no more chapters to read. I love your stories. Almost all is forgiven for deleting mouse. This story is slowly making up for it. :) Is this story going to end like sleepyhead, with me crying and being sad about how it ended, but still satisfied at the same time? Or is it going to have a more happy ending? Just curious. xox
So I was reading the summary and I was like, hey! This sounds like the person who wrote Sleepyhead, and Mouse, and all those lovely stories and then I looked up at the author and I was like hey! It's a new story! And then I smiled because I felt like an accomplished detective and you had a new story out and I love your writing so it was really really great. Awesome first 3 chapters!