Comment swap brought me here. Hmm well, this story could have a very deep and meaningful theme, but it's a little lost in all the dialogue. The whole story is written in dialogue, actually. A little description would go a long ways. I don't even know what any of the characters look like, where they are or how they're feeling. Reading this is almost like listening to a movie with your eyes closed. The story also moves very fast for the length it is. The layout is pretty hard on the eyes as well. I think this idea could have potential if you slowed it down and spent more time describing the world around your characters.
September 10th, 2012 at 04:08am