29 Ways to Get Rid of Your Roommate - Comments

I'll update as soon as possible. I'm working on some stuff. Any suggestions for what you'd like to see. @ naomi_t

pleasee update lady girl im a new reader!

Prank for prank! He should also prank her, not move out.

I love this story! The first chapters made me laugh my ass off, and even though this story is starting to feel more tragic, it's still amazing :). Arley has really gotten herself into a mess, and I hope she'll stop doing the ways soon...
Alex seems to be such a good guy and I really don't want him to get more hurt.

I hope for a happy ending with the two of them getting together ;)

- Through comment swap.

First off, I like your writing style. Your main character has a friendly, sarcastic tone that most people can relate to and enjoy reading. I've only read the first chapter so far - I'll be reading the rest later. 23 chapters in one sitting is a little daunting. But the fact I want to read on is a good sign! The story-line has definitely intrigued me.

Your paragraphs are sometimes a little too big. I particularly have a problem with the last one in chapter one. It's grammatically correct to make a new paragraph when a different person begins to speak. So, technically, your last paragraph should be more like this...

“Hey Dusty!” I exclaimed, my voice going into that annoying baby voice that everyone using when talking to babies and animals. It’s kinda just automatic. I bent down and scratched behind his ears while shaking his head. I kissed his nose and he licked my face. I giggled and closed the car door. “Where’s mom?” I asked. Now you’re probably thinking, Wow you’re dense if you think this animal’s going to respond to you. Oh but you’re sadly mistaken my friend because as soon as I said that Dusty lead me to the office, a remodeled garage, where my mom was. Ha, in your face. Anyways, so I greeted my mother with a hello and a kiss to the cheek.

“Hey honey. So as you know I asked you to visit because there’s something I want to talk to you about.” I nodded my head and sat down in the chair across from her. She then said “I think it’s time you got a roommate.”

I started laughing. “Good one mom.” I said as tears rolled down my face from laughing so hard. I looked at my mom only to see utter seriousness. I quickly calmed down and stared at her in disbelief. “What, why?” I asked. “No, I won’t do it. I’m not a kid anymore Mom. You can’t make me do this.” I said.

“Look sweetie, it’s all a part of the college experience!” She said in the same elevated tone that I hadn’t even realized I had.

“Who gives a shit? I like living alone!” I all but screamed back. She couldn’t do this, she just couldn’t. My whole life she treated me like a child. Now that I’m grown up, I refuse to have her treat me this way anymore. I turned around and headed out the door.

“And what happens when you find someone? Huh, what are you gonna do then?” She yelled, following me. I turned around and faced her once we got to the living room.

“Then I will have already had my alone time!” I yelled. By that time, my father and brother had come to join the “conversation”.

“Fine. Either you get a roommate or you start paying your rent alone.” My mother said with finality in her voice. I stared at her once again in disbelief.

My brother then jumped in, “Why doesn’t she get a roommate and if they leave, you pay her rent. Completely, not just half, since she was right and you were wrong.

My father nodded his head in agreement. “Fine,” my mother said “but only if I get to pick the roommate.”

“Fine.” I said. And with that it was done. I had a roommate and a plan. A plan to get rid of this person and get my sanctuary back.

(Wow, that took up a lot of room, sorry about that.)

Another thing with your dialogue. For example, you wrote...
“No, I won’t do it. I’m not a kid anymore Mom. You can’t make me do this.” I said.
When it should be...
“No, I won’t do it. I’m not a kid anymore Mom. You can’t make me do this,” I said.

Perhaps find someone to edit your story for you? There are quite a few grammar mistakes, though your spelling so far is pretty much spot on.

Anyway. Your characters are very strong so far. Arley kind of strikes me as a kid who comes from a rich family, though she's not exactly snobbish. I'm kind of fond of her. I love the "A to Z" thing with her twin, it's cute and made me laugh at the computer. I get the feeling the mother picks a male roommate (or a female one, if Arley is a lesbian) and this story will turn into a love/hate kind of thing. I'm looking forward to reading it! It sounds like a story that's going to make me giggle a little.

Before I go on, I would like to point out that I do not usually read these stories but since I have started to get out of the habit of reading the same type of stories to experiance new stories and new plot styles and such,

Yours has definatly caught my eye! Good job, keep it up!

Okay, so I read a little further and I just wanna say I like the concept. I haven't read too many stories with this storyline and everything. I hope they'll be just a bit more interaction and words between Alex and Arley. It doesn't seem like much right now.

Anyways! I have just one suggestion which you can take or totally ignore, it's your story. :) I just feel that the paragraphs might be to long. It seems like everything is smooshed into one whole time. Usually people start new paragraph every time a different person talks. That way you know who's talking and saying what and then it also doesn't get too confusing. I found myself looking away for a second and then coming back to not know where I left off because all I had was a big paragraph in front of me. Maybe you could describe more too. I like to picture what's happeneing and I know others do too, but maybe you start to do that and I haven't gotten that far into the story yet. :)

I like the layout, it's simple and doesn't take too much away from the words to get me to look at that more than the story.

Great job!

This seems pretty good. I haven't really read stories on Mibba, just posted, but I found this one and it seems really good so far! I'm only on Chapter 2, but I am going to continue!

The story title seems to be very interesting. However, the layout looks slightly dodgy. I don't know if thats because you used the new Mibba layout generator - people have been having heaps of issues about that - but I would recommending making the background behind the text a bit lighter, maybe like a light blue colour. However, this is just a personal preference. I don't know how I feel about the first chapter but I am going to go back and read the rest of the chapters :D

Good luck on keeping up the story!

They should definitely end up together! I hate how cold he's acting towards her, and it should not end with him angry with her. They're better together. :D Loved it, by the way.

Your paragraphs are collasal. In size.

they should get together!!!!!!!!!!!

Wow, just read all the chapters and I love it! I have never laughed so much as I read the first few chapters. The ritual was the best though! LOVER OF THIS STORY I AM! (how lame haha) But I totally think that Alex and Arley should get together. They're perfect! I can just see Arley expressing her feelings for Alex with a tribal mating call/ritual. But seriously, cannot wait for more!

BAHH!!
I REALLY WANNA KNOW WHAT HAPPENS!
Lol, sorry
But awesome story(:
Love Arley & Alex :D

Dude I wait for updates on this. It's hilarious! haha And I love how they like each other but are kinda all spacey with each other. It's cute. Definitely one of my favorites. (:

Alex is so cute! <33
Even with Arley confused I think she's starting to like him. :D
I can't wait forthe next update. It's so exciting!

I still love this a lot. I would hate to see it not end. I still see it have a lot of potential. :)

Wow! O.O

I love!!!! Why don't they talk??

Is he gonna play along with her game? :o