What Do You Want From Me? - Comments

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Intensity is key in any form or fictional writing; you need just enough without going over board; and I can say you did just that! Wonderful work. Another thing any great story needs is fantastic imagery (as mentioned in other comments), by doing so it allows the reader to really connect and visualize in a way that can be neglected by other authors. Really lovely story..

I absolutely adore your summary! So short, so simple, so mysterious, and definitely pulled me in. I'm only in the first chapter as I write this sentence, but oh my goodness what happened between Jessica and her dad?
Well this is sad :c only two chapters in but I'm in love with Matt's character for some reason. Maybe I feel bad for him because of his situation, or maybe because I have some friends who seem to be in similar situations, but I love his character already. I'm just making a kinda wild guess right here and I think that Matt and Jessica will meet and it'll be kinda epic c: I predict that they'll help each other out.
Sorry I just sometimes write a comment as I read a story and that's exactly what I did as I was reading this. Though I really like your style of writing, and props to you for having great grammar. I'm definitely liking this story so far c: the way you write is kind of blunt, yet descriptive and great. You're slightly vague and I like it because it provides almost an air of mystery.

@ Maddie616 @ Olivia_Gates

Like it says at the top in the status, and in the summary, and in the comments section: this story is no longer active. Therefore, I removed the layout this story originally had and applied it to the new, rewritten story, which I linked in the summary. That's why it doesn't have a customized layout.

Comment swap:
1) You should have a layout that really pops. Something that reflects the story and it's meaning, using colors and pictures for representation to foreshadow and draw the reader in.
2) I read the first few chapters to try and get into the story, but personally found it wasn't my cup of tea. However, you have great writing technique and set the scene well. Keep up with the writing C:

Hello there!!! This is for comment swap! I'm really sorry. I would have posted this sooner but my comment kept accidentally deleting and I got really really frustrated with myself! So, I hope I remember everything I wanted to talk to you about! First, I want to talk about your layout. It needs to grab your readers attention so they go, "Whoa! This looks awesome! I bet the story is just as good!" Your layout basically reflects what your story is about and when readers (like myself) see something extremely simple, we get bored looking at it. You want to have a layout that's fun, interesting, and creative! That way, your readers will think your writing is just ad creative and interesting as your layout! As for your story, it's really good! I think you might want to use more descriptive language so you can paint a picture in your readers head. The language you use is great because it's sophisticated! Overall, this was a really good story and I enjoyed reading it! I hope to continue reading! Keep up the good work!
-Maddie<3

@ Tickle Me Sara
It is being continued, but as an original.

@ Nia_Flores
The fan fiction version has been discontinued, but I plan on someday publishing this story, so I wanted to make it an original because obviously you can't publish a fan fiction story. The original is really the same exact thing, just with different names and whatnot.

Thank you both for the feedback!

I really think you should continue this story!

Just a little question... you will no longer continue with this story? Only the one your re-written? Because I finally got to catch up with this & it has become one of the best stories I've read here. I loved the way everything flows between the characters & the plot. It was really interesting.

If it is, then that's a bummer, because I was really intrigued to know what would happen when they met up.

You're a great writter btw!

This story is now over, and is currently being re-written under the title Forbidden. Thanks to everyone for reading!

Please update! I need to know what happens!

Like 'poumons faux' I haven't read any Avenged fan fiction before but I still got quite into the story in the first three chapters. The banter and discussions with Jessica and her parents flowed really well and her life seemed very realistic. The contrast of her life against the other character made his life seem darker and left more intensity as to how they were going to meet etc. I enjoyed the parallels between their lives as they both hated the parents yet for different reasons and still lead very different lives. In the third chapter the dark mood and sudden conflict was portrayed well, sometimes the language felt a bit forced, but overall I liked what I read. I'd be interested to see how this continues after the first three chapters that I've read. Keep up the good work :)

Just stumbled upon this story. So good! I'm addicted!

Wonder what's going to happen!
Take your time updating. We all know about busy schedules. :)

I absolutely love this story! Keep up the great work! Update soon

I've only once before read an Avenged fic and it was because of comment swap so I know nothing about them. This comment is for the first and second chapters:

I was a little confused when it first started but I think because I just wasn't sure what was happening. It kept me reading though because I was eager to find out then. I'm dying to find out what happened with her dad because it's obvious that she hates him. Her mom is pretty despicable.

I liked reading both chapters because it set up the personalities for both characters. These first two chapters are really interesting, more like separate introductions.

There weren't any spelling or grammar errors that I saw. I feel like, if I had some sort of background knowledge of the band I would know more about the second chapter. But I did really enjoy reading it so far!

i love the new layout and banner! everything looks so amazing together. :]
great update! i can't wait to see what happens when Jess & Matt get to talkng. more soon!!

@ BeenDownThatRoad

Of course Brian & Zack are together. I don't write an Avenged fic without having at least some slash, and it's usually Synacky! Lmao. Thanks for reading and commenting! :)

I love this story!!! I hate her parents, I loved when Matt beat the shit out of her ex, I loved that she beat the crap out of Izzy.
I hate that she wont just tell matt the truth!!!She needs to open up to him, and stop trying to sugar coat over everything!!...And really, all the guys are gay, except for Matt??? It honestly Kills me that Brian and Zacky are together in this...I lol'd when I first read it!

Update please!!!!!!!I NEED MORE!

Great update.