Cherry Bomb - Comments

This is a really interesting idea for a story, and your layout is so beautiful. Your writing style is very easy to read and your characters are interesting. I like that there is a time line to what's happening. You know that it'll end with them apart, but the journey is so interesting that you can forget about that.

Okay, this is really good!! Normally I wouldn't read something like this if I saw it on a shelf [brought to you here by Comment Swap :p], but this really interests me now! The layout fits perfectly with your story and I didn't spot any mistakes as far as grammar goes. No complaints on my part and over all, great story. Great job, keep it up! :3

I love the idea of how you made each seperate chapter a day and a night. I swear that in the first three chapters my mind was only drawn to two mistakes. Just remember to watch out for conjunctions, and if it attaches two different phrases, it needs a comma. And if you use a punctuation in a dialog such as an exclamation point of or a question mark the next word needs to be capitalized. Sorry bout that I just got a little caught up in detail there. I think that you did a magnificent job of describing Rosalie, and she seemed very real. Other than the tiny grammar mistakes this was perfect. I would be ecstatic if you would continue.

Oh. And to tack on, I can't believe that I forgot this, I noticed a few spelling an grammar mistakes. Just a heads up so you can go back in and fix that. Everyone always loves a polished piece.

No other complaints with this at all though, do continue!

Chapter One:
Simple and easy way to pull the whole thing into motion, even started it with a little humor when Lukas said that he had the bubonic plague to try and slip into a loop hole, always a nice way to hit things off.

It was an easy going chapter that brought in scraps of humor here and there to lighten the dull mood that Lukas was obviously in. till the meeting in the pub of course.

As an odd tack on, I love the name Noel, brilliant idea.(:

One of my favorite lines of the entire first chapter was:
" I looked into the bottom of my glass, swirling the foamy remains of the beer and contemplating the meaning of life."
I guess I liked it so much due to the fact that I enjoy morbid, or in this case, semi morbid thoughts and 'in the moment' details that really make the reader feel like they are looking through the eyes of the protagonist. An excellent trait to have when writing, really lets people relate.

The name Rosalie used to always make me think of an older woman that was an expert on how to make dollies, aha, but know my perspective on that name has been totally flipped around. That's on of the things I love about reading. Everyone, when they see/hear/read a name, they have a person that they envision would fit the name tacked in their mind. But once you read something that uses a name that you already had a look and personality tacked with, and it turns out to be something completely different, it just makes things a little enlightening, for me anyways. And sorry if none of the above made sense to you. I made sense in my head before I proceeded to type it out.

Chapter Two:
That is so true. Why do they make chairs able to spin a pivot? It only makes people want to twirl aimlessly around in them till the start to feel the urge of wanting to allow their lunch to come back up. Decided to share that with you. I thought it was a good side point, aha.

Chapter two started off as another on going chapter, nothing outrageously insane and out of place was happening, which is a good thing. You have good pacing in your story and events, which most people seem to lack, I notice, especially in a chaptered story.

Bambie, that's an adorable nickname, just thought I'd throw that in here.

I absolutely loved the snip-pit of Rosalie when she was apart of the street act. I think you gave flawless detail on how she preformed, and the effect it would have on a passerby to see her acting out to the full sound of the drums. I just found it a catching place in the chapter, I adored it.

Ended it off spicy, aha. She sure is alluring, in the sense of she leads a good game a cat and mouse, and I think you make that dominate in her character quite nicely.

Chapter Three:
"I was carrying a girl, over my shoulder. Call me Batman."
That line made me crack up and I just wanted to applaud you on it for whatever given reason.

One of the things I did notice in this chapter, was in the beginning the characters seemed to clash awkwardly. It lost a sense of idealistically to me for some reason. That could have been because you didn't focus to match emotion to situation. I'm not sure but I thought I would put my say in on that part.

As the chapter goes on it comes back in the the lovely flow again. I liked the different take to a karaoke scene then having something that involved them drowning in booze. I also have a sick obsession with that song, aha, maybe that's what made me enjoy it even more.

I thought over all this was a playful and light chapter, which is my feeling for the whole story, seeing as Rosalie having the personality that brings the sun into everything.

Overall:
You've got the making and start to a good story in my opinion! I definitely subscribed and am looking forward to an update sometime soon, yeah? :3

This is wonderful! I love all of this :D
Rosalie is super duper mysterious, I love it :)
This is totally going to be epic :)

Wow, I'm loving this already!
She's such a free spirit...brilliant!
more soon please?

I'm in love :)
Sulky boys happy girls dancing and drinking
Perfection of a first chapter<3

This sounds really good so far.

I agree with Skylight Madness.

I already want to read the first chapter, like no joke. Thank you for letting me know you're going to write it (: You could totally make this a 20 chapter story by writing about their nights and days (:

1st one YAY!!!!!!

Well I like it already