Isobel - Comments

Relax, your writing is just fine (and I'm a pretty tough critic). In my opinion, grammar/tenses are the main issue, and it's not a huge issue for you. Don't second-guess yourself over every single word you write. I really like this. Narration is solid and has a nice immediacy to it. I want to see what happens next. And score extra points for being based off a Dido song!

Ah, I see you decided to continue it. It should be nice to see where this goes. Though, I do have quite a few things to point out to you that really took away from this chapter. I would suggest putting a little more into this because it sort of just pushes off from the first chapter and goes nowhere. Maybe chapter one should be a prologue; I got a little confused.

Our relationship had always been weird, to say the least.I think it should be to say in the least, but that's just me.

No one understood it, but that never mattered.I don't think this line is necessary.

My friends said I was whipped. That wasn’t true, though, because even though Isobel was my girl, she was no one’s girl.There should be no comma after true. Also something about the last part doesn't flow well. The whole "no one's girl" thing. I think it could be changed, wording switched up a bit.

This, though, was a new weird. No comma after this.

But that wasn’t on my mind now, because now I was with Isobel and her hand was in mine.You used the word 'was' twice here, and now. I think one of each should be taken out, this seems repetitive.

The rings on her fingers were cold against my palm, which was hot. I think this should be The rings on her fingers were cold against my warm palm.

I wanted to pull away and make sure it wasn’t sweaty, but I was afraid that if I did, she wouldn’t hold it again. Hm, I like this line. It shows how nervous he is.

“I want to go to sleep,” she said, shivering and slipping her hand out of my grasp. She hugged herself and turned away from me, looking out at the sand and sea in front of us. Since when are they at the beach? Details! You must describe where they are in the beginning, this is just thrown at the reader out of nowhere.

She had long, blonde hair and the smile of Miss Texas, maybe even Miss America. This is irrelevant. Her roommate is not his girlfriend and unless she plays a bigger role in the story, she doesn't need to be thought of as Miss America to him.

“No, Logan, I want to go to sleep forever.” This part truly broke my heart, it was so sad. I do love the line though, don't get me wrong. Fits in perfectly with the way she's starting to show herself. No comma after Logan, though. You can just start a new sentence instead of using so many commas like you do.

I need a fucking cigarette. You changed tenses here with 'need'. It should be needed instead. (:

You really do have something going here, and I do hope you'll work hard on it. These are small mistakes that everyone makes, but you have talent and should be able to catch them in time. I think I may leave constructive comments when need be, just because I sort of like this so far and I'd like to see it improve and grow. Take what I've said here into consideration, or don't. Your choice. (:

1 word. WOW
I love it, in a way I can only love tragic characters.
and the song is one of my favourites.
Update soon? please pretty please?

I like your style, you flow really well. There's something about the simplicity of using the character's name as the title that really intrigues me. I will definitely come back for more. :)

I love this story. :D Can't wait for the new update.

Still enjoying this story :) I like the it a lot.

Definately turn this into a story! I will be so interested :)

Since this is only a drabble there is really nothing to critique you on. I honestly thought the whole thing was fine on it's own. Believe me, I usually leave like 3 page reviews on stuff, but there's just nothing minor or major here, to tell you to fix or look over. I would, however, think about continuing it. I like Isobel's name, the spelling of it especially, and her attitude. Her boyfriend however, sort of shocks me. It's just weird, I mean obviously you left it open for discussion, the ending. Like we're left to think whatever we want of him. I sort of think she's a hard ass that bosses him around and he's like a whipped puppy dog, but that's just me being my own Isobel. I can relate rather well to her and that's a good thing. I think this is one of the best drabbles I've read of yours, and if you do end up turning it into a story, please tell me.

this is sooooo coool :)
My name is Isobel...
:)
my stalkerish friend sent me the link.
It's really good
Please write more<3

I feel super lame being late to the love fest on this aha. <3

I hate it when these amazing users ask me to say something negative about a pretty much perfectly amazing story, missy. D: There's nothing negative to say. It's absolutely brilliant (and I secretly read it like eight times over. > > <3)

Your detail is nice. At the beginning, I was all, she's so angry! D:
But then after the last, epic line of "Would you live for me?"
I think I fell in love with either her or you! (: <3

The grammar was like, flicking perfect and the layout was gorgeous. :)
It kind of tripped me out a little how the color of the title matched
the girl's leg, heehee. <3

All in all, this was hard hitting and had a lovely impact. <3
A-may-zing! :D

Dood, I totally love this. That last thing she said, "Would you live to me?" was epic. It just hooked me quickly. I would really love it if you turned this into a short story :)

I'm in love with the title, the banner, and the layout. They go so well together; and the name of the story is so, so pretty! I've never seen that variation of the name before :D I'm curious to find out, however, what the writer of the letter meant when he said, ...and what you've done is right. Anyways, I was so shocked to find how short this was! I really expected a long, detailed chapter, but wow. It was so beautiful, either way. I really, really hope that you turn this into a chaptered story (:
I already love Isobel and how feisty she is. Seriously, we need more heroines like that in the literary world :D
I'm definitely subbing to this <3

I love the title of the chapter. :3
I read this earlier today but didn't have a chance to comment. D:
I love it. The banner, the layout, everything.
Your wrting style really captivates me.
I really think you should make this a chaptered story. It's amazing.
Well done.

I like it, but I say go ahead and try to make it longer. As it is looks a little too bare and way too straight to the point for me. Besides, you can always revert back to just this if you don't like it.
Good luck. :)

I think you should forget the short story and go all the way out to a chaptered story. I'd see the this story the whole way through. Just think about it. :)

I think this is great. :)
I also agree that it would be a wonderful story to continue and I hope you do. :)
Excellent job.

I like the title. I think it's cool that you used her name (:
This drabble seemed kind of thought provoking to me. It got me wondering if I would live for anyone and what not.
I'm interested to see what he says. I'll definitely read this if you continue it (:
Good job!

I really like it :) it would be awesome if you made it into a full stroy. I would diffinetly read it