Bus - Comments

Hey, some food for thought while I was reading.

Interesting beginning, but we instantly get the vibe of our MC. Mr. Doug has a pretty funny internal dialogue, and it's very vivid and realistic. (I kind of pity my bus driver now...)

I've noticed the use of "..." a bit. It's not a problem, but a period would suffice just fine in places like, "And so he did." It almost gives it a more definite feel.

3 >> Three. Write out numbers.

Remember what your boss told you about anger, Doug >> Could be italicized. Just a nitpick of mine.

Overall, this is an interesting story, haha. Doug is an interesting MC, spiteful in an enjoyable way and everything that's written is definitely relatable.

There weren't many errors with the writing, I only caught a few throughout the whole chapter.

The writing flowed really well, and the pace was good.

Great job and happy writing!

xxx Bee

I really like this. I don't have time to read it all now but I'm definitely going to come back and read it when I have time. This is a really unique idea and I love Doug he's such a strong character. Everything about this seems really realistic and done really well. You are an amazing writer. Great job!

The fact that you wrote about bus drivers from a bus drivers perspective is so amazing. And the fact that you are doing really well, hardly any grammatical errors, lots of descriptions and dialogue, is even better. This is such a unique story and it's told really well. Doug is very likeable and hilarious, he had me laughing a lot.

This line right here really got to me:
Neither of them wish me a ‘have a nice day’ or a ‘thank you, Mr. Doug, you’re the best bus driver ever.’

because it is so true. I rode the bus all throughout high school and made a point of saying good morning, thank you and have a nice day. My freshman and sophomore year I had the same driver and got him cards for every holiday, even cards when his wife fell ill. I don't know of any student who would do that and it's a shame because they put up with so much. I was always more mature than the kids my age so I saw them as if they belonged in elementary school instead of high school and it's really sad how rude and disrespectful people can be to bus drivers.

Sorry for that little monologue, your story makes me feel like a high schooler again. lol. And you should be happy about that because I had forgotten about that driver.

Nice story bro!

I like this! It's really unique, and I've never seen anything quite like this. It's almost like a Doug's personal journal, in a way. He's not really writing it, but it's like his thoughts and feelings of driving and everything, if that makes sense. I think Doug is funny, and having ridden the bus for a really long time, I understand the chaos bus drivers endure every day and all of that. I like your writing style and there's practically no grammar/spelling errors. Keep up the good work, you've done a great job so far!

This story is so unique! It really is fun to read it. I kinda like Doug. He reminds me of my bus driver and noone is nice to him but me so I could relate to this. He is cynic and I like that. Your writing style is very fluent and it made me want to read more. Normally I don't read non-fantasy stories but this was great :)

This is so good! Your writing style is brilliant and your grammar pretty much immaculate, which is hard to find in some stories. I love Doug and how well you've built up his personality. He sounds like a real person rather than just some character. Looking forward to seeing more of this! :)

This story was good. I liked it because I'm familiar with the bus and its chaos that it entails. I used to see my bus drier get ignored every day and eventually he stopped caring and let the kids do what they wanted. I don't ride the bus any more, though. Anyway, I like this story because it's so real. Especially thr writing style. I can feel as if it is Doug who is telling the story. I really couldn't find any mistakes, so great job!

Ah, I have a similar bus driver. Please don't tell me this is an autobiography, b/c I believe I might make an appearance ;P.

Keep updating, this is interesting.

I read all four of the updates that I miss. I have to say, out of all of them, chapter eleven was by far my favorite.

I loved the whole idea of the boys telling the substitute driver that it was an afternoon school and where to drive. Even though it's like a really serious matter, it's more playful and comical in the story. It's just one of those things that I think is really cool -- like, if ever given the opportunity, I would so do something like that.

Oh my goodness. I can't believe I forgot about this story! I just was cleaning out my subscriptions and I saw it when I got to the, like, second page. I'm catching up now, so freakin' excited.

"I created Doug in the Sims 3 and he just got married to T-Boz of TLC."

Don't you just LOVE the sims?

The other night, this girl and I were discussing what she would name her kids one day, and the name Ezra came up. I was completely blown away, because she doesn't exactly seem like one to go for such an... "exotic" name, especially since she's a southern girl. So yeah, this name has been on my mind a lot lately, so I love that it's in this story. Cool-story-bro, I know!

“He still looks like Santa.” My niece’s voice is flat and emotionless.

“So what’re we doing today?” I ask, trying desperately to change the subject.

Everyone hates to be in that sort of position, I love the perfectly normal reaction Doug has. Just great.

My face is on fire. (That always happens whenever something I’ve got high hopes for doesn’t turn out that good.)

This. I can totally relate to this. Went through it the entire past month.

The malls are empty, movie theatres are bare, and the only people out and about are old people.

I actually enjoy going places while they're empty-ish. The first time I went to the mall just minutes after the doors were opened, I was hooked. Great times.

“Go home and try to forget that stupid movie ever even existed.”

I laughed, hard.

That’s the time of day where I start hating people the most.

That is a wonderful line.

Wow, I honestly didn't see him running into the kids from his bus! Update soon, please.

I love the character pictures and the info.

It's been long since I've checked for updates. I forgot because I'm a lame-o, but then I got all excited when I realized Bus had been updated. I'm going to tell you that I think your writing is of quality; it's really pure and crisp and to the point. I love Doug's character, and I love how well you portray him and his thoughts. I even love the little monsters he has to drive to school -- in a way.

It kind of bums me that this doesn't have more readers, because one thing I see that people complain about most is that stories aren't "realistic" and I'm sitting here, thinking: "Well, this is as real as it gets, but everyone wants a different kind of realistic, that really isn't real".

"I don’t even have a cell phone; it’d cost too much money and it’d go to a waste."

I love stories that don't have cell phones, honestly. I'm drawn more into them if they don't have silly text conversations in the midst of the story, it's a drag to read and sometimes you dislike the character (or the author) because of how they text.

Have I mentioned the voice I hear when I read the story? I hear this raspy, deep guy voice in my head and I just realized it and it made me smile. Like, I just realized that there are very few stories on Mibba that I can actually hear a voice in. Update this someday, pretty please.

Their*

I'm sorry that no one else appreciates this story much because they're too busy reading shitty romance stories. (Teens and there hormones...LOL). Keep going, though. This story just has something about it, something special. I can just feel it.

The new layout/banner are awesome. The page looks so great. You did an ah-mazing job on the banner/picture, it looks so boss!

LOL:
“Jesus Christ,” Amy gushes. “Is your whole freakin’ family dead or something?”

That chapter was really sweet. I love how he talked to Amy. That was one of those aw-worthy moments. : ) Oh yeah. and because I'm lazy, I don't check my email and have to check the stories I read/subscribe to myself. So, I'm not sure when you updated, but update again soon!

I really adore this story, JSYK. I've been feeling pretty down-in-the-dumps lately, and this is one of those cute, funny stories that make my day. For some reason, I can see this being a film.

I pinch the bridge of my nose. “Oh yeah, real mature, kid. You expect to kiss boys with that attitude?”

“You expect to kiss girls with that gut?” she backfires.

What a little bitch. That was totally below the belt!

I can't believe they were amazed that she took a stop sign! You really captured how kids would probably act in a situation like that. I hope she gets in trouble for being a little annoying... bitch. (LOL). Update, update, update!

It makes me sad, how lonely Doug is. He seems pretty miserable with his life, I mean their had to be something else he wanted to do, right? He surely didn't want to be a bus driver. Well, who knows, actually.

Loved this:
“Just drop down. Nobody cares if you can do a backflip out of the back of a bus. Okay? Got it?”

Made me laugh, hard.

I like how he lets Hector listen to his "Skypod". Random, I know.

Update soon! c: