Shattered Glass - Comments

This is great, whether you agree or not :P

I love this story! Can't wait for more. :)

I really like how she has the voice in her head, and how it's not nice or funny like some other stories with voices, but instead it's demanding, and yelling because that's how I'd imagine it to be. It's very well written :D

I read the first chapter and I adore this, not just because it's an ED story like mine, <3
Ana is so abusive in your story!
I love this, :)

MUSTACHE MAN FOR YOU!
:{D

I really liked this.

Soon I would be thin. I think that's my fave line. (: Super cute idea.
I'm so liking this. Dig it, dear.

Just by reading the first chapter I can tell that I like this;
^I think i'll stick around. (:

This was a good story. A little sad for Haley because she thinks she's fat and all. But I think we all get like that at some stage. (Not with the voices but the weight thing) Some of us just get it more than others I guess. The banner was so cool, it suited the title of the story AND the content of the story
Well done :)

First of all, I loved how well the banner fits the title!

I think you are doing a really good job. Disorders are really hard and aren't always done well, but you are doing a great job with it.

It was handled extremely well when her dad asked about breakfast. I'm glad you placed a valid excuse in with the no. It also flowed very well when she asked for the car keys to go to the gym. Both of those felt very real and gave insight as to why her dad seems clueless about what she is going through.

The fact that you named the voice in her head also fit very well. Once again, it gives a lot of insight about her as a character.

The only thing that bothered me was I saw should'nt instead of shouldn't and did'nt instead of didn't. But that is just a pet peeve of mine.

I think you are doing a great job with this :)!!

Hm, this was interesting. Mental disorders are super hard to write about, so I give you kudos. ^_^' The layout is simple, and cute. The setup of the paragraphs its neat which makes it easier to read.

was better than i was expecting. plzzz pretty plzzz keep writing. it's extraordinary so far! :3

I'm enjoying this so far.
Like a lot of people, I have noticed some spelling and grammar mistakes, so just keep your eyes peeled for those in the future.
Usually, stories about eating disorders and the like aren't all that believable, but you manage to keep this one real. I can empathize with Haley in this case, 'cause she is almost exactly like a friend of mine who had an eating disorder.

Keep writing! It's excellent so far.

This is very impressive. Everything about it was so real and tragic. You understood the feelings that come with eating disorders, even if you've never experienced it yourself. You can tell that you've done your research, whether that's from just reading a lot of stories that deal with eating disorders or by talking to those that have lived through them. It's really good. I like your original stories a lot more than your fan fiction and from your writing, you seem a lot more passionate about something you're creating from scratch.

Theayout is really beautiful, I lobe the background a lot. And the banner works so well. It's like, most pictures like that will have an inspiring quote on the mirror, but you chose one that describes perfectly the more painful side of it and the helplessness of getting out such a self-destructive cycle. It fits the story really well because Haley is only beginning to struggle with her disorder and doesn't understand that something positive can come from something like this.

Great work!

Like many people, I've found a ton of grammar and spelling mistakes. Please make sure that you at least capitalize the I's if nothing else.

On the brightside....

-The layout is pretty
- The second chapter shows how eating disorders actually work in families, saying no to food with an excuse. Asking to go to the gym, and then laughing it off to throw them off the trail. It works.

So great job! :)

You did a great job! I really like this story so far, and I can't wait for more!! I love it, even though it's sad.

I do think you should review your grammar, or even just run it through a grammar checking program. Grammar is a big thing for me, sorry. :)

I agree with delaware;, this story isn't awful. It's very interesting, actually. You make her illness believable. You make her disgust believable. You make the whole thing believable. Ana is a bitch, plain and simple. But so is anorexia. You've started this out beautifully and I do look forward to reading the rest. Lovely job. <3

Like the above review, I found quite a few spelling and grammar mistakes, but I won't touch on them since they've been addressed. :)

I really adore this story so far. Like, most of the stories I end up comment swapping are horrendous and I'm left trying to find at least one good thing about the story so that it doesn't seem like I'm a negative bitch that only comments on the bad things. But this is really, really good. I like how the girl nicknamed the voice Ana instead of reading it somewhere with the whole Ana/Mia thing. And I adore Ana despite the fact that she's the personification of anorexia. The way she speaks to Haley is really convincing and I can understand why Haley would be so obsessed with her weight with the way that Ana speaks to her.

I'm also glad she doesn't start off as severely underweight. The anorexia stories on this site usually begin with the person being like eighty-seven pounds or something and the disease has already progressed pretty far. It's good to see her starting from the beginning, from the mostly healthy weight of 118 pounds.

I'm definitely looking forward to the rest. I'll remember to click your username on the comment on my story every once in a while to see if you've updated anymore. :3

I really enjoyed this!

I chose to read this one because I happen to have a story with the same title, and I was interested to see how you interpreted the same title. However, both our stories are completely different :)

They way you write is very natural. Technically, not all the grammar is correct, however I think that it sounds better this way. The way your narrator speaks makes her sound like regular, everyday girl, and that makes her all the more relatable for the reader, which I liked alot.

I did find a few places where there were mistakes that need fixing. Mainly it's just capital letters that need to be put in or missed apostrophes, so just have a quick check through to fix them. If you'd like me to, I'd be very happy to beta read for you and to fix any mistakes that I find :)

But the story is very, very interesting, and I look forward to reading more.

Firstly, this is not an easy subject to write about. Mental disorders in general are very touchy subjects, regardless of whether you've experienced them or not. I think there's always a risk of not understanding and simply overdramatizing for the sake of the story. But here, that's not the case. It's believable. It was easy to sympathise with her and see her as a real girl. Good job. Well done.

From reding the title i expected the story to be different. I like it all the same though. Keep writing.

Good start so far, i like it(: