Obsession. - Comments

you should bring this back

Love this story, update soon? :3

The summary was really good because it catches your attention and pulls you in. It really makes you curious and I couldn't wait to read the story. I love the characters. They are very believable. I like the plot line. I'm a big fan of mystery and horror and stuff like that. I could totally see myself picking this up as a book on a shelf at the bookstore.

Reading this, I found the long summary very intriguing and well-written. It gave enough about the story to lure me in and with such a unique plot, you didn't really have to do much to get me interested.

Probably my favorite part of the first chapter was the beginning, the part that is meant to be the flashback. I like that it was told almost plainly (no frills) and that really helped make an impact. I didn't, however, like that it was placed within this chapter - instead of a chapter on it's own. I think it would be really good as a prologue to the story. As a reader, having to "flip the page" to get from that part to the real start of the story would give me a chance to really let that bit sink in. Without that bit of space, the transition from one to the other was a bit awkward and too abrupt.

Ahah, so I finally read it, and by God I sure am glad that I did. I did read all of it and not just the first chapter, so that explains why it took so long.
I find the overall premise of the story is interesting, interesting enough to pull me along through. There's a severe lack of stories on here like this, about murders or things like that. But this is sort of refreshing, because I adore things like that, so suspensful, that it keeps me reading all the way through. And I love the whole it isn't happening near me, so I don't care attitude it has, because it's so true. A little odd though, you said that murders happened every few weeks for like, three years? Since she was 12? I think that's a little bit of a stretch that he's catching so often and people know about it and still hasn't gotten caught.
I'll admit though, the layout was a tad bit of a turn off. The large unnecessary spaces and the bright colours are quite appeasing to the eye.
As it starts off, I was a little confused on who Tyler was and who got hit by the car. I'm assuming it's Tyler. I don't know if you'll ever go into that, I hope you do though.
I think it sort of has that horror-movie feel, where the beginning or near beginning starts off with a seemingly normal scene with a normal girl. You did lose me for a bit though, but then the second chapter definitely brought me back. It's my favourite so far.
And as it continues, I like how you establish even more about the girl, makes her seem even more real. I am really waiting for the man to come up again, and am really excited.
:D

I read the first chapter and it seemed really good.
I love the way you wrote the friendship in, it's very detailed and you have the tone right
All I can say in a con/crit type of way is to
A) Be careful with writing when writing about ADHD not to slip into clieche, ADHD is not the same as being hyper and most people have some sort of medication which calms them to a certain extent (I have a number of friends with ADHD who are more effected by sugar and such than most but apart from that not so different from people without ADHD) of course I've only read the first chapter so I can't judge completely
B) I found the long chapter difficult to read and the layout was a little tricky as well.
I shall read the rest now

This is cute; I like the idea you've got, and the characters are fairly believable for their ages. The layout, however, has left me with a bit of headache, and it was hard to read the story without changing it to the default layout. The POV changes were a little weird for me, but the length of your chapters show the work you put into the story Nice work.

Wow, I love this. It's so well written. I really think you should continue this, and I can't wait to see where its headed. :)

I agree with florence. The concept is certainly interesting and what not and you've got a lovely writing style . It's not what I was expecting because considering how shallow this website is when it comes to reading stories--I normally only expect the best from stories with nice layouts. I would recommend changing your layout, and I don't think punctuation needs to be in your title. Also, after her brother is shot, you need to separate that from the next scene. I was completely confused until I realized that indeed, this was a completely different setting. Otherweise, nice job.

This is... a whole lot of different things, haha. I love the plotline of this story. Your characters have a fullness about them, and they're very believable. I'm excited to see where you take them. The only thing I didn't particularly like was that you changed POVs, but I guess that's just my personal pet peeve, so don't feel like you have to change anything. Keep writing this, it's brilliant!

Why am I the only one commenting? Honestly, the story is great. ><
Two updates in one day, *happiness*

Yay, a update! :)
I love Amber, ahah

Wow, I really like this story! Love the characters and your writing, update soon, pretty please? :3