Brave the Storm and Embrace the Rain - Comments

This story's heck interesting! One thing: in chapter...3, I think, she pulls out a cigarette, takes a drag, and then it's never mentioned again. I know it sounds silly, but it really messed with my head be ause I skimmed through the next few paragraphs thinking about how she could possibly have hugged herfather with a cig in her hand.

amazing :) im subscribing :) cant wait to read more

Wow. That was really... good. Like, seriously. I love how realistic Indy's family actually sounds. A father leaving the family behind and then once she goes back to live with him, there's more than just him. Plus, the twin's act exactly like little boys would. I loved their mini-fight over the toys. (:

I'm really excited to see where Eadon (I hope that's how to spell it. Something like that :p) comes in more. And I love how Indy just kind of... ignored him when he told her to call him. It made me laugh. Plus, with the way she ran into him and his friends seemed very realistic to me. Great idea :D

Overall, Indy's attitude towards everything makes me laugh, just the way she doesn't care about basically anything. It totally fits her! :)

In chapter five a noticed maybe two minor gramma issues - in one part you used the wrong form of "there, their, and they're" and also I believe there might have been one misspelling, if I'm not mistaken. But, obviousy, they aren't too important if I can barely remember them. (:

Very good story and you definitely have yourself a subscriber! :)

The prolouge to me felt off. Not because it was poorly written or anything like that - in fact, I liked how it was written - but because it was pretty lengthy and more informative than attractive. Usually, I'd just like to see a concise little summary that pulls me in - not most of the family ground work before I've even begun. I'm not saying it's bad, but it kind of distanced me from the story a bit.

I stared out the window of the metro train as the rain poured down and beat against the tin roof, plop, plop, plop.

I really, really liked this line because not many authors include the cute little sound effects like you did. Usually, they're boring and just say, "rain was hitting the roof," but not you. I like this line - and that's doubled because it's the opening and you seem to have pulled me in, hehe.(:

metro train or plane

I'm not sure if a 'metro train' is a type of plane or not, aha. At first I was thinking a metro was indeed like a train, but now I'm not so sure, aha.

Onward!(:

"Indiana," They had said,

They doesn't have to be capitalized here. It's not the start of a new sentence. There are a few other instances like this, but I'll just point out the one. Make sure to watch out for these things, dearie.(:

resting my head against the cool glass

This part made the beginning a little repetive. Wasn't she already resting her head there? Though I do imagine that some people lift their head and look around when in thought - I do that, aha. Just pointing it out - onward!(:

"Well why don't you call him? We'll wait to make sure you have a ride, right Mom?"

Even though they seem annoying to Indy, I like how nice this family seems. But that's just the softie in me, aha. :) <3

I really, really liked all your nice little detail in this.<3 It made me feel almost like I was there. :) I also liked the Brooklyn character and I do believe I'll be seeing more of her, aha.(:

This was really, really nice.<3(:

I like the layout, a lot. Ha.

This seems really interesting. I like how Indy seems all tough. I like the boys names too. They're original. And they seem so cuteeeeeee. :D These chapters are so realistic! :D Can't wait to read more. (:

Finally, a good story that isn't fan fiction!!! Haha, good so far! Cant wait to read more! :)