Coffee and Cigarettes - Comments

I liked your summary, it was short and to the point and I think it set up your story really well. So far I've only read the first chapter, but still aha.

I really like how you set up this story in the first chapter as well. You did a really good job of setting up David's character right from the start. Like sightless. said, I liked that you focused so much on his innocence and how he tried to preserve it, because it set-up the whole feeling that something was going to go wrong really nicely.

And then insert Taryn here! I feel like we probably learn more about his character as the chapters go on, but I would have liked to know a little bit more about him in the beginning. It seemed like David gave up on his innocence thing really quickly considering how he spent 19 years keep it in tact, so I think it would have made it a little less abrupt if we knew a little but more about Taryn. But that just could be me.

Well done though, good luck with the rest of the story!

I really love how you started off the chapter intro.

I like that you've got a simple and lovely layout, which made for fairly easy reading for me. I really liked the summary as well. It was short, but I think it was also quite telling and indicative of what the story would be about. It really set the tone, I think, for the type of relationship that would happen in the story.

I only wish that the short description was just as attention grabbing since that's kind of the first thing that people will see. Granted, I understand why you chose to have "Original Slash" as your description, but maybe you could put that at the end of your short description.

I quite liked this line: I just appreciate myself too much to destroy myself like so many other people.

This, to me, said quite a bit about David's character. I also liked that you spent some time focusing on innocence and David's preservation of his because it's like the perfect set-up for something to go wrong, or rather, someone to ruin it.

This line also made me smile: I’m 19, and I’ve never been kissed. Most people would call that a tragedy, but I call it impressive.

I think this line describes how I felt during the rest of the chapter: Everything is happening so fast, I can’t comprehend it.

I felt that everything between David and Taryn happened incredibly fast, which caught me off guard. I suppose it worked because it may be part of Taryn's personality and character to be so assertive as to lace fingers with a stranger and buy him coffee, but since Taryn's character wasn't quite established (considering David had no clue who Taryn was), this quickness felt abrupt to me. I also felt like for all David's talk of innocence, not letting anyone have a piece of him, and waiting for the right guy, he gave his kiss away too soon. It seemed to contradict the values I thought he had from the beginning of the chapter.

All that aside, I think you've got a really lovely concept here. It seems like you've got two great characters to play with, and I wish you the best of luck on the rest of your story!

I decided to check out your story when it popped up into the list of stories on My Mibba page. I love the idea of the story but unfortunately I couldn't get very far because the strikingly white italics and small font made it painful to read. That's really my only complaint about the story, I know I could've switched to the default layout but that would've been a big turn off for the story.

Hope you don't think I'm too harsh T^T

Summary: The summary definitely pulled me in. It gave me a little to work with, but not so much as to give away the entire story. Short and sweet.

Chapter One: Who knew that within one night, my entire innocence would be taken away by one single person because I let my guard down. I took down my walls, I let loose. I let him call the shots, I let him do everything. It was the biggest mistake of my life, and I’ll never forgive myself for it.
THIS! This definitely pulled me in. I think a lot of people will be able to relate to that, which will probably pull them into this story, as well.

Awwwwww, David and Taryn meet and it was really well done. I liked the detail you used. Plus Taryn is a beautiful name choice. However, after that everything started moving rather fast. I'm not really sure how I feel about it, personally. I suppose them getting to know one another at least a little more would've been nice, but this is good too.

I didn't catch and grammar/spelling mistakes. All-in-all, I think this is pretty good. It'll get the reader's attention and make them want to read more.

Sooooo you should totally continue with story. I love how beautifully you've developed these characters on such an emotional level. Your writing is amazing. :) <3

Sorry, just to add to this, it was him that said he wouldn't be good for me etc. He smokes. I drink coffee like it's my lifeline. This is scary. I love it xD

Okay, I just finished the first chapter and I loved it. For two reasons:
1) The writing was beautiful! You have such a natural way of telling a story and it just flows without any imperfections.
2) This is pretty much the exact same situation and conversation that me and my boyfriend had the first time we met :D (Apart from the first kiss bit) but the rest was like I was reading about us. This makes me happy!
I'm gonna go read the rest now. Thank you for writing this; it made my night :)
x

i love this story so much you should update it soon <3

Sitting on the edge...just waiting for another update. :D

I happen to really like this =) And I can't wait for an update! I'm a loser who doesn't do anything, so I want to read mibba stories like everyday lol =D Yours included!!

I'M SO GLAD YOU'VE UPDATED THIS!!!! ;D

You have until the 5th to finish your entry.

I can't believe Taryn just left David there! I would be so pissed if it was me.

Also, your title, gave me my idea for my title.

Wow, I honestly don't know what to say. It was amazing! I love the sex scene. Not because it's sex, but because how it was put. It wasn't described sex like most people do. Like some people, for example, might say something like:

Tyran slid himself inside of me. The pain was horrible. His pace went faster, and he grabbed at my member. Tyran thrusting sped up, his hand going the same pace. I moaned and scratched at him, and bit.

Sorry if I spelled his name wrong. But yeah, it wasn't like that. It was more of how David was feeling, and how he wanted it. I'm starting to babble now. Keep up the good work! I'm lovin' it!!

THIS is so FUCKING good!

I LOVE it

suggestion: make the font bigger. I have a hard time reading it.

Other than it, AWEEEESOME.

well, I love this(:
update soon, yeah?

So, this is getting better and better! I cannot wait to see where it goes.

Hey there, I'm a judge! When I read the title it drew me in right away, and I expected something totally out of this world! I really loved the picture of the guy, he's really cute. I wish the font was bigger, I was kind of straining to see it. After I was done reading it, I was astonished. It is just... WOW! I love how many words you used, it was defianetly a lot and I like that. Nice and long. I like how at first, the words not in italic are sort of like a prologue-ish to explain the word and what it means to you, or the character. I couldn't really tell. I really like this, I think it was the best story so far. Keep writing this one, I absolutely love it! Your spelling and grammar is great. You have a special talent, and should write more, I'm not kidding. I'm in love with this. I'm subscribing to this story! I want to see the other 98 words, Haha! Keep going!