Cruel - Comments

This is so well written! Your layout is easy on the eyes and actually fits the story, and I like the way everything kind of connects, like the eye missing from the door, it helps be know exactly what's going on in the wizarding world.

Subscribed.

Can't wait to read more ^^ I'm in love haha

You won the whole comment rape session :) please be patient cause I will rape every story with comments but it'll take a few days. :)

I love this! Amelia is one badass and this story is unique by its writing in the view of the evil Character. And I must say that I am jealous of you fanfiction writing for I can't do the same. Your description is well written, but of course, there is room for improvement.

I also suggest writing description of Amelia's clothing in the story rather than add a link. Off to the third chapter :)

This story is so hot hahaa. I'm excited for Ch.11!

I'm in love with this.
<3

OF COURSE YOU UPDATED. OF COURSE YOU DID BECAUSE I SAW IT. I WAS PROFILE STALKING YOU.

;D

I. TOTES. KNEW. IT.

Eric doesn't really...seem. . ok xD And when Amelia 'used' him to make Scabior mad;

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

His erection xD

Of course they can't be together. Because Umbrella will be mad. Lolol wait whut? I mean Umbridge. I think that's her nickname now, Umbrella. Oh yeah. Totally.

Like Scabior's new nickname will be Scabies :D

Thank you for the mention <333

GURL YOU BETTER UPDATE SOON BEFORE I UNLEASH CROOKSHANKS ON YA.

;D

I've never read this kind of HP fanfic before, but I really am loving it. I'm guessing that there will be some Harry action (later on) because these are the Snatchers that find Harry & company, aren't they? But for now it's good that they're seperate. Scabior... ugh, he's such a tease! I have a feeling that Amelia wanted to grab him and pull him back onto her... it would've been funny if she did. I love your writing style, though you do do some funny comma things. Update soon!

Yeah, I'm pissed at you.
Because YOU WON'T UPDATE.
So now, I'm going to give you a long ass comment to get your gears moving.

Prologue

I have to say, this drew me in. I haven't read a snatcher story and I want to know what's to happen(though I already know ::snicker:).

You really pulled me in with just a few sentences

Chapter One

What I love is how, with each spell, you tell us what it does because forgetful people like me, we...well forget these things xD

I can tell Amelia's an independent woman and I admire her for that. I especially love how she loathes Umbridge cx

I find it stupid that if they're runaways from Hogwarts, then why didn't they protect themselves? Surely, they should kno there could be evil people -coughlikeAmeliacough- that want to turn them in or something.

Courage doesn’t take you far, sweeties.

Oh snap. I love that line because you can just imagine what her facial expression is and what she's going to do next. This definitely got my attention and made me very curious on what she was going to do next.

His companion looked horrified, which made the witch smirk.

I had to reread that because I thought it said something else and not witch xD But there's nothing wrong with it so it's all good (:

Personally, I'm a fan of short paragraphs. Its not about the quantity, its about the quality. And frankly, the quality makes up for how short it is c:

I adore how Amelia's a bit of a braggart since she knows she's the best Snatcher. I totally agree though xD

Chapter Two

Okay, I love how Amelia acts like a different person at home but that's where you feel most comfortable, at home. I find Spinky just adorable so she's my new favorite character ;D Besides Amelia and Scabior that is x]

The snatcher considered this, her eyes never wandering away from the man's face. "How much?"
"A hundred Galleon's."

I think you need another space c:

I think that's it. I didn't see any mistakes, which is good x]

Chapter Three

So you must've caught on that I'll be commenting on all your posted chapters so far aha.

I don't like how the parchment didn't have that much information, thats a pet peeve of mine so I understand where she's coming from.

Spinky quickly fixed her some food and bid her goodbye, as Amelia quickly slammed her front door behind her.

I would personally say 'before' and not 'as' because it doesn't really seem right. Like, Spinky made the food, etc as Amelia was leaving. But I do know what you mean though.

I love how sarcastic Amelia is x] Sort of relates to me aha.

Ok, I was a bit excited whrn Scabior finally showed up because I love how cocky he is cx

Obviously, when he called her hot, something's bound to happen soon ;D And I got the feeling that either Arthur or Oliver was going to die soon sooo -__- It sort of happens a lot where someone introduces a minor character or two and they quickly die off. But I did like it <3

It was kind of creepy how Scabior was watching her sleep and all O.o

Chapter Four

And I was right -___- Arthur dies first cx

Sexual frustration? Yeah something's going to hapoen soon, I can feel it in my bones xD

Of course, Amelia is definitely superior than Scabior xD And I'm beginning to think she's falling for him~

Ooh lala xD

Okay, I love this action scene, it definitely got my attention and I kind of figured Amelia would come and save the day since she's that badass.

OH SNAP. HE WINKED AT HER.

Chapter Five

AGAIN WITH THE SEXUAL CHEMISTRY.

Why the hell don't they just admit that they love each other and live happily ever after?!

Oh yeah, they're snatchers. I forgot -____-

I find it...well.. sad how you mentioned Sirius' death and how she has to get serious and sort if find a 'real job'. Yeah, why don't we just hire a witch at McDonald's? That's as real as you're going to get -___-

Okay, ignore that >.>

But seriously, it's just sad.

Chapter Six

Goodmorning, love.”

Your missing the other quotations.

He eyed her outfit, which consisted of tight-fitting jeans, a low cut shirt with a jacket swung over and some boots, a weird look in his eyes.

I personally don't think that sounds right. It kind of sounds...jumbled up or something. I think its because you used the similar words 'eyed' and 'eyes'. I don't know, it just doesn't sound right.

He led her to an old alleyway that smelled like cat piss, where Greyback and Oliver were waiting.

I thought they were going to rape her for a second. You never go to an alleyway with three men. Never. xD And the sentence was a bit confusing so I had to reread it.

I've got a funny feeling about this Eric guy..he just doesn't seem right.

Instead let go of her hand and walked up to the front door.

I think you're missing 'he' in between instead and let.

Okay, that was unexpected of Scabior, to just do that to an old man and little girl. It's kinda scary too but at least Amelia and him had a 'moment' xD

I already commented on Chapter 8 so yeah cx

Overall, I love this story and I can't wait for the nex t update. There were a few mistakes but I think I found them all. And thia comment was probably not long xD I don't know lol

Update soon <33

I really like the layout. I just read the prologue, and I liked it. I love the summary, it captured my attention immediately :D. Update soon? :)

Ahh so you updated :D

Again, the layout is beautiful, and easy to read. The banner really is beautiful.

So I'll be commenting on your latest chapter. I really do not like it when a waitress will be all flirty and nice towards a hot male customer but they'll be a bitch towards the female customer. I love how you say she pops her gum, because that's a bit annoying to me. I laughed a bit when the waitress got the hint xD

. After a second of thought, though, she conceded to herself that she really wasn’t much better.
Her thoughts drifted back to him…to how perfect he was. His hair that was in dreadlocks, but not completely, how his eyes burned whenever he made a sarcastic remark, or when they lit up whenever Amelia could come close enough.

I think you need another space (:

I love how you describe him because he's just so freaking handsome <3

When I read that there was one queen size bed, I was like,"oh snap, something's gonna happen >:D" and BAM something did.

Scabior, you naughty devil ;D

Update soon (:

First of all this is really well written.
So she snatches runaways from Hogwarts, yeah ?
I'm a huge HP fan so I loved this already when I found out it was a HP fic.
Overall I just loved this <3

I really like the whole idea of runaways from Hogwarts. Most of the Harry Potter fanfics I've read have been all about going there and meeting the well-known characters. So, loving the original idea =D

Also, you're character description and emotion is quite good. You've got yourself a subscriber.

I love your plotline. So much. But your writing is a bit off. The grammar needs work, though I can see you have beautiful potential. I used to write exactly the same as you did when I was younger, and I definitely have faith that your writing will easily improve with a bit of hardcore reading (meaning you should read all the great writers and take care to notice their structure) and practising. That's all it takes, really. Working hard. Just like learning an instrument, you have to craft your writing skills and take things from other books and writers. Not literally, but it's important to read. Never forget that. (:

I do hope you aren't offended by what I've said, I only mean to help you. I do love this story, it's just the structure. I like how this story has nothing to do with the main plot. You've made it your own and I think that's fantastic.

This is for chapter 5:
As I've already read up to chapter 4 before today, I can say that you've kept my attention and you move the plot along quite nicely. You give good details in your story and are developing Amelia and Scabior's relationship at a decent pace, enough to keep it exciting, but not so much that it ruins the story. So good job on that. I also like how as a spin-off, you've veered away from the main plot behind Harry Potter. You give these characters their own story and can still keep it interesting. It's also unique that it's about Snatchers, something nobody would really think to write a fan-fiction about. Just goes to show that thinking outside of the box is a good thing haha. Like the previous chapters, this was very good!

Oh my god, I am so ashamed that I didn't get to read this sooner. Mum forced me off the computer a few days ago and wouldn't let me back on. I sneaked on while she's off at the other end of the province today. Hehehe.

Of course I love Harry Potter! I really love this idea. I've never seen a fan fiction of HP like this. It's really awesome. Your writing style is brilliant, as always. And your layout is simple but very nice.

I like the way that you set the scene. And how you're making the two characters slowly grow more fond of each other as the story progresses. You aren't going too fast, which is quite nice.

I always love spin-offs. This one is particularly lovely. I really love how all the characters are relatively evil, and that you aren't trying to make one of them an innocent little thing. You give them life, and it's refreshing to see that.

I will subscribe to this, as I love it so much! Have a lovely day.

I read up to chapter 4 of this because I liked it so much even though I have to leave my house shortly lol. Your layout was great, I really liked the color scheme and your banner. I love Harry Potter so reading this was enjoyable since it is a spin-off as someone else already said. I like the main character, she has an interesting personality. I thought it was interesting to see how she reacted to Spinky. Seems like she treats her house elf better than people, which is different from most Harry Potter characters. You've certainly got a good story going here, good job!

I could never pass up a Harry Potter story, especially one that uses some awesome and, in my opinion, highly underused characters! And this is just fantastic!

I'm not sure what there is about this, but there's something very reminiscent of JK Rowling's original story. Maybe it's the limited third-person narration, maybe it's having such a strong, interesting lead character, maybe it's the description style, which doesn't explain everything but is concise and tells you so much in so few words. Anyway, I might not be able to put my finger on it, but I still loved it. It gave me a warm glow in my heart to read it.

You create both a well-rounded and interesting OC and extend upon a character that only appears in film canon, which I like alot. In a way, you actually have two OCs to write about, going from book canon, but you use the base you've got and develop that, which you've done very well, and your characterisation for the pair of them is just so perfect.

I love it so, so much!

The layout is super duper cute. I love the colors, but holy crap, the guy in the banner creeped me out so much in the movie. He's less creepy when he's not moving.

The summary and prologue were great! They reeled the reader in and made me want to start reading asap to figure out what started this ill-fated relationship.

The first chapter set the mood wonderfully. I love that she's a bad character and is aware of it, but doesn't really care. The way she talks to Umbridge shows that she's proud of being this awful person, which is really new and exciting.

I love the independence that is shown in the beginning of chapter two. With all of the not so good qualities that Amelia shows in the first chapter, it's a nice contrast to see that she's an independent girl. I love the house elf's name too(: Very interested to see who Amelia is to get rid of.

Her apparating in chapter three in front of a muggle is great. It shows that she really doesn't care what people think, and that she's daring. The introduction of Scabior's gang is also very exciting. It makes you wonder if he's the guy that Amelia's going to have this ill-rated relationship with. It's also nice to see in her interaction with Oliver and Arthur that she can be nice, just to people who have common interests and goals as herself.

I love the animosity between Amelia and Scabior in chapter five. I was still kind of picturing him as the creep from the movie, but the way you described his rugged scruffiness kind of improved it for me.

I also love that Amelia actually got the Daniel guy. Girl power :D

SIRIUS BLACK. I love it that much more now. I love stories with any Sirius connection.

And then, Sirius was dead. All of the pranks and teasing were over, and it was time for Amelia to finally start taking things seriously, much to her dismay. That’s how she got into Snatching. She had never liked ‘real jobs’, had always been more adventurous. I love this paragraph. Up until this point, Amelia has seemed really hard and unfeeling, but this shows that deep down, she's got a lot of emotions that have contributed to who she is today.

Can't wait for them to work together again :D

The only thing I noticed is that sometimes there's a period where a comma should be in the dialogue. For example, “Thanks. See you tomorrow.” She said, snatching the bag...

It should just be, "Thanks. See you tomorrow," she said.

Overall, it was great. It flowed and didn't feel like it jumped from one event to the next. It's been a while since I read a really good Harry Potter fanfic. Can't wait for the rest (:

I haven't read a HP fanfic for who knows, months? It was refreshing to read this :) I think the layout is simple yet matches the plot elegantly. The details are exquisite. Though I only read Chapter 1, I know a good story when I see one. I loved how you describe Umbridge as a horrid person. Gosh, she's annoying. I just want to b!tch slap her >-< ANYWAYS! I thinl its another brillant story :)

so usually, i do comment swaps and come up with these nice comments when I really don't like it.
But i don't have to do that with this..
The prologue really intrigued me, the thought of getting caught made me wonder what was going on.
and I'm surprised I liked this, seeing as I never got into all the HP stuff. Lol.
But I really like Amelia, she reminds me a lot of myself. Hahah.
Great first few chapters. I'm gonna read more!

I'll have to admit; I barely even had the time to just skim through your story, but damn, was it worth it or what?

You're a talented writer; getting to the point with just the right amount of descriptions. I'm not a huge fan of descriptions myself, so that's def a plus. I love how you've made Amelia into this sort of independant woman persona. I love characters like that. Scabior? (I apologise if I spelt that wrong) Dude sounds slightly, evilly, obsessionally hot. Makes me shudder. LOL. But seriously, the whole watching Amelia when she's sleeping deal? Uhm, okay.

Your banner was amazing and the layout great. My eyes didn't hurt, which they usually do when I have to read stories with dark backgrounds, but I had a little trouble trying to figure out who the girl in your banner was. Did she act in the Harry Potter movies? I've only just read the books and I remember an Amelia there. You're basing this on The Deathly Hallows, aren't you? Any chance Voldermort might be making an entrance? I wish someone would write something about Voldermort falling in love or whatever. That would be cool. Evil loving, who'd have thunk it huh?

You're a great writer and I like your writing style. Simple and straight to the point. Great work dudette! =)