Nobody's Listening - Comments

this story seriously breaks my heart.
I wish James or Dezz would do something, GAWRSH! D':
PLEASE UPDATE SOON!
I need to know...</3

Im LUVIN it!!!

So ur telling me ud love the moon and back???
:/
:)

I WAS ON THE LISTT!!!!

Absolutely loved this chapter cant wait for more!

Chapter 1

It was finally the end of the day of the first day of school… the first day of being a senior. I’d switch this up. Maybe say: It was finally the end of the best part of today, the end of the first day of school, the first day of being a senior. I think it’s a little repetitive is all.

I’d drop the brackets, they’re taking your awesome writing down a notch.

So in this chapter you’ve done a really great job to create characters. Everything seems realistic and not an over done stereotype. I love it.

Chapter 2

I love the conversation between the two girls. It’s really well written and just perfect.

Ok, so I could do a break down of all the chapters, but I have just about the same thing to say for each.

They’re amazing. The characters actions are so well displayed and so real that it strikes joy into my heart!

Everything is described just right in my opinion. All of the actions all of the everything. When the characters kiss you don’t write fifteen paragraphs. Your writing is simple, and effortless, and amazing. :)

Chapter 3 (con't.)

The fact that she's kind of nervous about this date is normal, but I feel like it's not going to go very well based off of how much she's dreading going out with this Lucas guy.

Chapter 4

Them making brownies was cute :3
Oh, I wonder why he can't go home! Is he being abused or something? I'm curious to find out what's going down. And I can't wait to see how the others react to them hanging out.

Chapter 5

Lame jokes for the win! I think it's great that she's at least giving him a chance, but if he screws it up, she better end up with James! Speaking of James, I wonder how he's going to take it when he finds out she's giving Luke a chance. I hope he doesn't stop talking to her. This is getting intense!

Chapter 6

Oh, that was sad. I feel bad for her, feeling like she betrayed James, but I don't think she did at all! I feel bad for her mom too, thinking it was her fault for her dad dying and all, and that was just a sad chapter. I hope the next one is happier.

Chapter 7

Oh no, it got even more sad! At least we get to find out what's up with James! I hope this makes her decide to choose him over Luke. Luke seems nice, but I think James really needs her a lot more.

Chapter 8

Oh, poor James! I think he should go to rehab and get help, and I think he should tell the police about his dad! This is just not cool! I hope he gets better and he can get help for all of this. I'm glad Dezza's there for him.

Chapter 9

I think it's kind of sad that he told the story behind all of his scars and everything, and I really hope Dezza can help him get through this.

"Dezza… why are there three of you?" That made me giggle a little bit.

Chapter 10

Poor Dezza.... and I find it a little messed up that Cyd is still trying to hook her up with Luke when it's obvious she wants to be with James. Although I think it's great that he's helping her through this. I hope that James gets better soon, and I really hope you update this soon! I'm going to keep checking back in on this :)

Comment swap time! :)

Okay, so I've got a little process I go through to do a review type thing (Mainly so I stay on track XD) so heeeeeeeeere we go!

Layout/Summary

The layout is so simple and nice and easy to read. The banner is lovely and simple as well, and I like how the title isn't on it, because I think it would take away from the nice image you picked. The summary gives away enough to know the character's you're probably going to focus on, but it doesn't give away too much of the storyline, which is a great thing. I'm horrible at summaries, so kudos for that XD

Chapter 1

I love the simple sentences you use in the text. It shows that she's supposed to be an average girl with average thoughts. It's so much better than using winded, fancy sentences where they don't belong. I adore how you described how she interacted with Cyd and James, how she acted differently with each of them. I think it's really great how she doesn't just act the same around everyone.

There were a couple of things I caught about the first chapter:

I kneeled on the floor and began to fill my messenger bag with my new textbooks that I had stowed away after each class. Kneeled should be knelt.

I would definitely need my Latin textbook at home. And I don’t think I’ll need my History book here, so I would take that one home too. This could be combined into one sentence: I would definitely need my Latin textbook at home, and I don't think I'll need my History book here, so I would take that one home, too.

But otherwise it was really well done and a great introduction to the rest of the story :)

Chapter 2

"No way. I asked him if he was joking, you know, because everyone knows we're tighter than James' skinny jeans. Oh my goodness, I burst out laughing. I don't know why it made me laugh so much; maybe because me and my best friend are totally like that. XD

"Did you know that serial killers start out young with killing small animals and pets?"

"Did you know I'm about to punch you in the face?" This made me laugh too. It shows how close they are as friends and it's so wonderfully funny and refreshing and a good way to bring the mood back up after the reminiscing earlier in the chapter.

Chapter 3

Aww, he kissed her forehead to make her feel better. How sweet :D I like his character a lot and I love how well they get along with each other. It's cute. :3

Okay, so I'm totally making a snack right now, so I'll do the rest of the story once my pineapple is ready. Sorry the last one is so short, I'll try and add more to it after said pineapple is ready.

now 5...now 6...now 7...yea kno what im just gonna stop..:)

YEA 4 cookies!

Story!!

Your

Love

I

TL;DR.
Jk. XD
It was good though (:

Sorry this is late. :/ Anyway, I like this. I really like the title, and the layout, and the idea. I admire the way you describe your characters and their actions and dialogue. It's realistic and I already feel like I know them from the first chapter. I like Dezzy and Cyd, both. Their names are interesting and they are, too.

I also like how the plot is different from most. It's special. This is going somewhere. :)

Wow, I only read the first couple chapters so far, but I really like this. The way you write forms the story in my head like a movie. You're a wonderful writer, keep it up! :)

dammmnnn poor james his dad is a big dick of an asshole i feel so bad that he'll have to go to rehab an doesn't know for how long UPDATE

holy shit! poor james

WHY DO YOU ALWAYS GET ALL OF THE READERS, HO? D;

Is it weird that I can connect it right to the original in my head, and see every difference? :P