Dystopia - Comments

Whoa, this layout is stunning! It's so beautiful. :)

I have to say, if this is a historical fiction or nonfiction, I dunno, I won't be too interested. No offence, but I don't really read this stuff, hah. BUT I WILL TRY.

I like the name Edwin. It sounds cool and sophisticated. I kind of like the concept of this. It seems really interesting! :)

Alright, let me start out by saying the detail is great. The chapter may be a little short but it's jam packed with detail. There were only two grammar mistakes that I found but nothing to bad, just a wrong verb tense and the need for a semi colon instead of a regular comma. I like how you started out with the aftermath of an event rather than going through the even leading up to it. You clearly described the fear and discontent among the people which leaves the reader to wonder what he has done and what will happen when he realizes their true feelings. I like this, it's a nice start and it sounds very promising. Good job. :)

"began" should be "begun"
"my father," should be "my father;"

Sweat poured down people's necks and brows as they stood - I think using the word people's doesn't quite sit right with what's going on. Sweat pured down the necks and brows of the people in the crowd as they stood...there's just something awkward about people's.

grown son, Edwin - Edwin the second, Edwin Junior, Edwin II.

would end soon even as - soon, even

As you all know, my father, as you all know, has worked - Using 'as you all know,' at the beginning of the sentence serves its purpose, repeating it discredits the power of speech and this mans intellectual hold over the people, and as a man who will enforce this dystopian rule through his line, his speech would only be repetitive in going against those who rebel him.

I like how this first chapter is told from an uneasy perspective. It hasn't quite gone into detail in regards to being fully against Edwin Stanton, but it gives off enough vibes to know that there's something brewing and not everyone is happy with it. I also like how you've written this as maybe a prologue to 2015, so that way the readers get a sense of how the plot in the future has a tie in the past. Tis off to a good start. :)

As always wifey you are amazing. It's so good. :]