I Scream into the Night for You - Comments

I like your easy-to-read layout :)
Also, the description is lovely. It doesn't give the plot away, just the general shape the story shall take, and I like this.
Welcome to my fucked up life. Welcome to my, well, everything that is solely based on a lie.
I liked this line in particular. It gives you a good sense of the main character.

...grabbing two coats from the brass coat hangers on the side of the wall in the front hall.
It's those little details that make ALL the difference in a story.

...my mom said sternly with her amazing accent. We all had what mom called accents.
Ohh, this is just awesome. With that one sentence, you've really got into the character of a little kid. I was going to comment that it very much sounded that way any way, but that just topped it off :)
And, this becomes really noticable when your writing style changes completely when the cute little flashback is over.

Just lovely :)

Not to be a bitch hun, but i just read the character pg and bill doesnt speak french.

So I figured you'd more than likely prefer feedback on your most recent chapter, so that's the chapter my comment will be based on, though I've only read the first chapter before.

First off, I really liked the pacing in the first paragraph. It just felt really frantic and hurried and it gave me that claustrophobic feeling that I felt McKenna was feeling herself as she came to the realization that she was tied to the bed in this room. I'm a big fan of anything that makes me really feel what the character is going through, so I really commend you for being able to do that =D

just wanted them to let me go. I just wanted them to stay far away from me as possible. I wanted nothing more to do with them. If they weren’t dead to me before, they are beyond dead to me now. - I really liked these lines because, just jumping into this story at the last chapter, I wasn't familiar with McKenna's relationship with her brothers, so I appreciated that you mentioned it casually in this chapter.

I loved the raw intensity of the confrontation between McKenna and Mac, it was just written so realistically, and the dialogue between them didn't feel awkward or forced. Obviously this is a really emotional moment between the two siblings, and I could tell through their gestures and the words that the stakes were really high and they were both sort of at their boiling point, and I really got into that.

I thought the way you chose to end this chapter was beautiful, and I could pick up the sense of desperation in that last line. It seems like since her family has basically abandoned her, Georg was the only person she had left to hold on to, and hearing from Aidan that he'd lost faith in her too was her breaking point.

Overall, this was a good read. I really love all of the raw emotion that you put behind this, and I'm looking forward to reading more =)

Your writing style is fairly good, I'm impressed with the way you've developed the story.
It sucked me in, which is why I'll also be subscribing; I need to know what happens. But it's also due to curiosity, I want to know the crime she committed.
You're slow with getting to the major parts of the plot, which can be a little frustrating, but it's working well.

Your characters confuse me a little, they're quite spasmodic. Like a family of people with a bipolar condition. None the less, you've done a good job.

I don't read Tokio Hotel fan fics but this was pretty cool.

I read the first chapter only. And in the beginning, instead of having it in capitals to show she's screaming, you could have it in bold letters, that way it'll look neater and somewhat easier to read for some. I love how in the flash back, the main character thought like a child, which is realistic because in some stories it's not like that. I like your descriptions, and think you did a good job so well done. :)

I think the thing that struck me the most about this first chapter was all of the amazing imagery. You've wrapped up that sort of magical quality of a fall afternoon as seen through the eyes of a child that I think everyone has experienced in their lives.

I have to admit that I was a little disappointed when I got to the end of the chapter and realized that the story wasn't going to be told through the perspective of a child. I thought you did a great job with the childlike narration in the beginning, but I feel like if this is a young woman recounting her childhood, you shouldn't use that type of narration because she's no longer a kid, she's not still excited about every little thing, and she wouldn't still refer to things as being "big girl" and "baby", if that makes any sense at all.

I did really enjoy the interactions between the girl and her mother, I felt that they flowed well and were very realistic. Overall, I feel like this first chapter was very interesting and that you did a great job with immersing the reader into the story, so I hope that you stick with this =)

I don't really know about Tokio Hotel, but this was actually pretty good, i didn't see any grammar errors or anything like that, and I love the layout, and the story so far(:

This is interesting! I love that you don't put out every single detail in the first few chapters. It adds a slight sense of intrigue, and definitely ensures that the reader doesn't get overwhelmed with the main character's entire life story. You did a great job writing the flashback- again, not too much information, and it flowed well with everything.

You've got a different style to your writing, and it's very cool. And... I assume this is a fanfiction of some sort? I congratulate you on at least starting out well (since I don't know the band (?) at all, I never did finish the story). As much fun as fanfictions can be, there are so many crappy ones out there. DX

But yours is good! You are doing it very well, it seems, so you should definitely continue with it! I'm sure you're gathering up a nice following with this story. :)

The layout was amazing. I loved it. Secondly, and I'm going to be honest here, I don't have the chance to read the rest of the story right now. But that's really only because I have to get started on my assignments.

However, after reading through the first three chapters, I was pretty awestruck by how angry McKenna seems to be. Your first chapter did absolutely great in grabbing my attention. Goerg? What happened to him? And what did she do to have her happiness so terribly taken away from her?

You've made me curious and that's not an easy thing to do. Oh, and Tokio Hotel right? I fell in love with the Sykes twins after I read a fan fic about them on here. Despite me never having heard their music before, I feel like I know them now. =)

So subbing...

hahahaha stare all you want <3

No worries if you didn't have all the time to read it :) I was going for different, but it is so hard sometimes.

If you liked that you should check out my profile XD hahaha :)

Thanks for the comment! It was greatly appreciated

As is always appreciated for all the comments I recieve :) Thank you all!

First off I wont lie I was staring at your banner lmao. I love Tokio Hotel :)
Anway,
I read the first two chapters (dont have time to read it all :/, sorry ) and wow, this is really good.
I dont really read Tokio Hotel fics, I dont know why really but this is one is different which is good, its hard to find different stories. I think I'm kind of hook on this story not fully but somewhat, I'm sure when I read it all I will be. But overall this is a really good story :)

I loved the first chapter of the story! I loved all of it, though. I think this is my favorite stories here on Mibba! Keep writing! You're doing great!

When I read this last, I ended on chapter 1. Onto chapter 2 now (: I like how you started the chapter off with the psychologist/psychiatrist/whatever she is. She seems sorta mean and cold; psychologists/psychiatrists are supposed to be nice and warm, not cold like this chick. Lady needs to ample up on the happy and less on the silicone. Anyways, like I said, I liked this chapter. McKenna is a strong and wonderful character who doesn't take anyone's shit, not even this bitch doctor who needed to rethink her major, and I like where this is going. Hopefully, McKenna gets a new doctor who actually understands what she's going through. Lovely job, once again!

That fight scene was intense.
I couldn't ever imagine fighting with my brother like that...

This is from the first chapter. I loved it. But sometimes how you wrote it didn't seem so child-like to me. It seemed okay in most parts, but in some parts it was just a little too adult-like for a child. But overall good job(:

The beginning of the first chapter is so cute, and I love the fact that the first chapter was told in a child's point of view. The language you used within the whole chapter was childlike, which I really loved. The thing I like about the first chapter is that you added little details about the main girl and her family, like the fact that they have accents. The ending of the first chapter really caught my attention. I can honestly say that is was something that I wasn't expecting.

From reading the first chapter, I can say that this is a good story. I would continue but I am not really into reading fanfictions. Good job on this story!

o_o omz, wow.
What a rough first day, poor McKenna.
I feel for her, even though she's a character- It felt like I was right there with her.

I just finished chapter eight, I would finish the rest but lack of sleep is messing with my vision.

Okay, so...
First off, I love this story do far and Tokio Hotel :]

I like how McKenna is directly speaking to the reader.
The flashbacks; they are well written and give a good amount of insight.
My heart goes out to McKenna... Her life was turned upside down at such a young age.
Also, I'm anxious to know what she was accused of that got her locked away. The suspense is a great touch to the story.

Alright so I read the first chapter and I saw one little mistake: when she's talking about languages you should only have other once not the two times almost back to back that you have. I like the flashback though. She was an bratty little four year old :o Then again, from what I hear, most of them are. I like how she met Georg though. That was really cute! And it was also nicely original. That is always something that is very important. All in all, it seems like you have something very good starting for you and I wish you luck!

I loved that you started in flashback, letting her reflect on what she considers her lost innocence. I like Tokio Hotel, but only know a few songs... And I don't really like fan-fic, but I like your style! Even the harsh language adds to show her anger and definite angst. It's very readable. Only one nit-pick... In the flashback, Kenna seems to have a pretty developed vocab for a four-year-old. Otherwise, it's great! The end of the first chapter keeps you wondering. It makes you ask why she's locked up, what's happened to her, what made this darken into the life she's had now? It sucks you in and forces you to read on and it prepares you for the journey the narrator is about to take on.

By the way, the fake double Ds thing made me giggle. :3 Also, it's great that the main character directly addresses the reader, telling us she'd rather confide in us. It is quite refreshing. And except for a few grammar errors, you're golden. Good work! :)