I've just had two sport fics in a row, aha. I'm not good with sport stories. Anyway, this is well written. The only thing I would suggest is to break up the dialogue, so its not all clumped into one paragraph. Other than that, I think you have an interesting plot development and characters. I liked the little retro touch to it in the second chapter; I always tend to associate sports with boys, which is why I'm wary of reading sport fics, but this one is good :) it has girly touches to it, haha. Also, the art stuff, like her photography. So I can relate to Gloria in some way.
@ mary queen i did lol. I'm about to revamp this entire story. same characters but I'm about to take the Spanish out ... it'll be easier to follow the story line. Thank you.
you had that Justin Timberlake Ft Timbaland song "Sexy Back" in mind while writing this chapter , didn't you ? I mean considering the title of this chapter . . . but it's interesting anyways plus I love that song
@ Zelaa I was thinking the same thing looking back at it. I think I will go back and take out the Spanish and the Italian. It will probably be there in a minor way but I think you're right.
I definetly can see that you have talent for writing but you shouldent have written the dialogues in spanish, it makes the story hard to read and you kinda loose the track of the story with the translations
I've just had two sport fics in a row, aha. I'm not good with sport stories. Anyway, this is well written. The only thing I would suggest is to break up the dialogue, so its not all clumped into one paragraph. Other than that, I think you have an interesting plot development and characters. I liked the little retro touch to it in the second chapter; I always tend to associate sports with boys, which is why I'm wary of reading sport fics, but this one is good :) it has girly touches to it, haha. Also, the art stuff, like her photography. So I can relate to Gloria in some way.
Anyway, great story! xx