I like the story aspect, but I'm not crazy about how short and how close together all the words are...it would be better if when you do dialog you put a space so its on a line of its own and its easier to read rather than everything being smushed into one small paragraph
So I'm ending the story soon, I still have 10 or so chapters left. But dont worry nothing to bad is going to happen, just let me know if yall have any ideas for anyother stories you would I like me to write. Also it's Halloween once again and I'll be doing one shots for anyone who wants them just let me know.